Sexually starved marriage

Are you in a sexually starved marriage?

Did you ever think that it could get so bad, that at some point you and your spouse are starving each other of the one thing that defines you as a married couple.  Some people may disagree with this aspect and say that sex is not that important, but the truth is, without sex or sexual intimacy are you not just partners, friends, roommates?

The truth is that sex is a huge part of marriage, and in fact any committed relationship.  The closeness that sex brings to a couple can be the glue that keeps the marriage sacred.  When I use the word sex, it also means sexual intimacy and that is the exchange of deep emotions surrounding  the sexual experience, which is equally as important as sex itself.  The feelings of closeness and the emotional connection that sex can bring.

You can still be having sex in a marriage but be sexually starved?

This is a concept that often gets missed over time, the sex is the act the feeling of connection and love that are associated with the sex is the intimacy.  When that is lacking then the connection is gone and many times the sex becomes a chore or duty, in the relationship which now has a negative connotation rather than a positive shared experience.

There are two very big factors that play into the intimacy of the sexual experience and one is the touching, kissing and holding associated with the sexual interaction, the other is orgasm.  Both of these elements if not exchanged during sex can leave the experience less than thrilling, frustrating and having a negative impact rather than a loving exchange.

Be aware of each others feeling during sex and talk about it after, making sure that your partner is pleased, and satisfied, most couple don't ask each other and that leads to years of frustration.  You don't have to live in a sexually starved marriage nor should anyone.

Can sex get better with age?

In many cases sex can become more intimate as we get older rather then just a quick roll in the hay.  For men this becomes even more prevalent as they age and mature because their testosterone levels calm down enough for them to evaluate a potential sex partner.  Sex can also become more exploratory, and less instinctual as our brains mature with our bodies.

For most people the connection that comes with having a consistent sexual partner can be very gratifying rather then just a one night stand or sex buddy.  The intimate connection is what makes ordinary sex into extraordinary sex.  As we get older as well we get to know our bodies bodies better, this is epically true for women.  Many times a woman in her twenties does not really understand what turns her on or may have difficulty achieving orgasm.  For a younger man he may have not taken the time to learn how to enjoy a woman he is with and the sexual pleasure that comes from knowing how to please her.

The answer to the title of the article is absolutely yes, sex can and does get better with age, but many couples who have been in long term relationships also have to realize that it may take some work to get there.

Women cheat in marriage for different reasons than a man

When a women cheats in a marriage it is typically different than when a man cheats.  Men will cheat purely for sexual gratification if it comes there way, whereas a women will cheat for love and affection if it comes her way.  There are of course acceptations to all situations but for the most part the intent and motivation being the a cheating wife or a cheating husband is different.

The intimacy involved int cheating is also different just in a functional sense.  A women allows a man to enter her where as a man enters a women.  She is opening up her body, and with that there is also an emotional component to it.  Many times a woman that has been married for a while, may feel neglected and a loss of love by her husband and a man to fill that void in her life.  A married women that cheats is more likely to end the marriage than a married man that cheats. 

When she falls out of love with her husband she may feel trapped in a situation or in some instances just becomes more vulnerable and looking for a new love in her life.  Repairing a marriage after a woman cheats is also less likely to happen.  Typically her feeling in the marriage will end while she is still is married, whereas a man will end the marriage first and then get emotionally involved after the marriage is over.

My husband wants me to have sex with other men

This may be an eye opening title for many couples but there is a growing number of married couples who have ventured into the wold of cuckolding.  The term cuckold is very old and when applied to a situation it can vary between couples.  Usually it is the man who wants to have his wife involved in this type of relationship, but some of the time it is the woman.  This type of open relationship can be very exciting for some couples or for some destroy the marriage.

As a sex therapist (clinical sexologist) and relationship counselor I help people to navigate through relationship issues and come up with ways that both people can be happy in their marriage.  To partake in the cuckold relationship it is not just about the sex but more about the erotic psychological release that takes over the sexual situation.  It seems to go against our human nature to imagine our wife having sex with another man and getting enjoyment from watching it.

How does one get to the point where they find this to be an exciting part of their sex life?

Understanding why some men find the cuckolding marriage so exciting.
One running thread that I find as a therapist working with men and couples is the idea of the man pleasing his wife.  Many times the man may feel that he cannot physically please his wife because of erectile issues, penis size or the fact that he feels a lager penis is what she needs and he can't provide it.  He derives great pleasure from hearing that his wife has orgasms from this other man but she still fancies her husband as the main man she loves and adores.  One of the down falls of this set up or this type of relationship is if the wife actually starts to become emotionally connected to one of these men, then the whole idea of the husband being the man that she loves is destroyed.

In some marriage the cuckolding can be a very psychological type of sexual fetish so to speak, involving denial of the mans orgasm, punishment, and even humiliation.  When looking at the true psychology behind the sexual thrill of the cuckold experience from a man's perspective it can get quite complicated, as he delves deeper into his fantasies and fetishes.

In simplifying the nature of the relationship it is always best for the couple to set some boundaries and talk about what it may feel like to get involved in the cuckold life style.  One of the best ways to understand how it may feel or test the water, is to do simple role play just between the couple.  Acting out what it may feel like to have another person involved in the sexual act by using sex toys, videos and erotic role play is one way to test the waters without falling in head first.

For more information or questions concerning your relationship you can contact Dawn at dawnm42@gmail.com or leave your comment.

Brain sex the biggest sex organ in the body

Stimulate the mind, and the body will rise to the occasion.
This is a fact, mental stimulation surrounding sex is one way to increase desire, passion and eroticism.  For both men and women being able to tap into that part of the brain that is responsible for creating desire is not always so easy.  There is an art form to it that some people naturally have a gift for and others have to be comfortable learning how to do it.

Brain sex involves drawing the brain into the erotic process of teasing, stimulation from  the words themselves, tone and pace of the voice.  One way to understand the power of brain sex is to try it out on your partner and see their reaction.  Creating a scene or even talking about what you want to do to their bodies can be enough to get their juices flowing.
Stimulating words to start with can be as simple as:  Kissing, caressing, sucking, massaging, entering, releasing, rubbing.  "I want to kiss the back of your neck and rub your inner thighs".  "When I am touching your body I want to slowly enter you between your legs".  Teasing words such as, "when I see you next time I want to slowly caress your neck, back and then move down to your thighs".  Avoiding the typical words that most people would think evoke the mind but can actually turn it off if not done in the correct way, would be mentioning typical body parts.

There is also a difference in the way a man process the words than a woman does, for most women the teasing words that I mentioned above will entice her and activate her brain, for a man some more direct sentences will activate his mind.  A woman can tell her man that she is thinking about him being inside of her and thrusting deeply or for most men this is an even bigger turn on by saying "Just thinking about you is making me wet"  As you have noticed I have used no language in this article other than subtle phrases and words that the mind has to work to create the rest of the though process.
Did any of the words or phrases in this article turn you on?

Male chastity the truth behind the belt

As I delve deeper into the male psyche of domination and submission, one of the best ways to control your man and his deviant sexual behavior is to place him in a chastity belt.

This may sound barbaric, but to some couples it can be a way to add excitement to their sex life.  Male chastity is one topic that is not often talked about or exposed.  The reason why is that there is such a psychological component to it that many people don't really understand it.  Sexuality is not just a physical release or a simple role in the hay, to many people who like to have their minds stimulated along with their body they crave more advanced sexual play.

Placing a man in chastity can give the woman control over his orgasm, but not only that it can be a way for the man to be energized throughout the day.  He knows that he cannot touch himself even if he wants to, and now he is left with pure sexual energy that he has to channel into his work day. 

Denial of orgasm for a period of time is more psychological than physical.  Men have expressed to me as a counselor that just knowing the device is on them gives them the ability to concentrate better at work and become more successful at what they do. 

If you are a man that has experience with male chastity or wants to learn more please feel free to leave your comment.

Why high powered executive men choose to be submissive in bed

There is an absolute correlation in men and high powered jobs that are responsible for being in charge during the day that want to let go and be taken control of during sex or at least not have to always be the one initiating.  

The complete loss of control and submission to a woman in the bedroom, takes the pressure off of the sexual situation and gives the man the ability to relax and enjoy the sexual experience.  This type of submission can take on many different degrees of submissive behavior, depending on the man.  I have worked with men in my practice for many years and some range from erection problems, orgasm issues, or simply lack of intellectual erotic stimulation to more harsh discipline, including denial of orgasm, chastity and forms of cuckolding.

The correlation even goes beyond the boardroom so to speak and into the mind of many of these men. 

The idea of "normal" sex is not enough to stimulate their minds which is the biggest sex organ in the body, with the penis coming next.  When a man is dominated by a woman and put in a submissive position, he is not only out of control but left guessing what is in store for him, leaving him with all types of situations that can happen.  The idea of pain and punishment is also part of the brain that located in the amygdala fight or flight that can be arousing adding the extra adrenalin to kick in making the experience all that more exciting.

For a woman who is married to a man that has hented about her taking control of him in the bedroom, make it a point to enquire more about it.  If he is asking it means that he has already been thinking about it, and if you are not going to be the one to step in and at least play, he will find another way to explore his submissive side.  One way to eaise into the situation with your husband would be to take charge of the sex in your marriage from time to time, initating the sex play and telling him what to do.  You may be surprised at how delighted and obedient he will become.  As I stated there are different degrees of submissive that men like some being more extreme than others, but as a couple you can play around and explore together the possibilities rather than him exploring it with another women.

For some women this may sound like a completely strange example but I have know women to put their man in a maids apron butt naked, and demand that he clean the house then, come back to the bedroom and give her a foot massage.  May sound far fetched to some, but a women who really understands the concept and
can play, may enjoy her marriage all that much more!

For more information or advice on how to spice up your sex life visit me at Thehappyspouse