Information on Exercises to Help with Premature Ejaculation

As a clinical sexologist, intimacy counselor and sex educator I look for ways to help individuals and couples have a healthy sex life.  Here are a few articles on exercise for premature ejaculation.

Study: Pelvic exercises benefit men who suffer from premature ejaculation

Statistics from the Urology Care Foundation reveal that premature ejaculation affects about one in five American men between the ages of 18 and 59. This condition is characterized by a lack of control over ejaculation, causing the men who suffer from it to reach orgasm sooner than they would prefer when they're engaging in sexual activities. Understandably, this can lead to them feeling embarrassed or self-conscious, though a new study suggests that pelvic exercises may help.
According to HealthDay News, a team of researchers led by Dr. Antonio Pastore of Sapienza University of Rome taught 40 men who suffer from premature ejaculation how to exercise their pelvic floor muscles and instructed them to do so for a 12-week period.  Read More

How to Control Premature Ejaculation

Edited by Bryan Len, Puddy, Socha.michael.123, Teresa and 32 others

Premature ejaculation, or PE, affects a broad range of men worldwide. PE is when a man climaxes before he wants to — it is not measured by a time limit. Although PE is common, it is by no means incurable, nor is it a serious sexual condition. Read on for helpful hints and tips about how to fight against PE. read more

How to talk to your partner about premature ejaculation?

Premature ejaculation (PE) affects not only a man but also his partner in the relationship. In an episode of PE, the intimacy shared with a partner if he suddenly orgasms to a quick can leave both feeling angry, ashamed, and frustrated, and turn away from each other.

Communication is not only important to successful diagnosis and treatment, but can also help a partner understand the feelings of the individual. Sometimes couple counseling or intimacy counseling may be useful. Together a couple might develop techniques (for example, the squeeze technique) that may prolong an erection. Most importantly, the couple should try to relax. Anxiety (especially performance anxiety) only makes this condition worse.

Why Men Hide Their Emotions and Women Wear Them on Their Face How To Communicate

The emotional processing in the male and female brain is not the same.  Biology has more to do with how we communicate than we think!

Our brains have two emotional systems that work simultaneously, males seem to use one system more and females seem to use the other system more.  In men as they reach puberty and after their emotional empathy is not the same as a woman's and that boundary is there to prevent men from being influenced by others.  Whereas women take into account what others think of them, much more so than men do, which makes men seem less empathetic. 

Men have had to for the purpose of survival do what they think is best and act on it without waiting for others approval.  Women's survival depended on others as a group process and therefore developed more empathy towards each other.

As men and women age the gap of this emotional thinking seems to in many ways change, where men as they age become more aware of others emotions and women become less dependent on the approval of others, especially after children are no longer young and dependent on them. Men now are wanting the emotional intimacy of their wives but are not used to expressing it in words or emotions on their face....

Developing healthy communication with your spouse is one way to bridge the gap between the two of you.  Understanding that because a person does not always respond the same way emotionally as you do, that does not mean that they don't feel it.  For a woman learning to ask more direct questions to her husband about what she may need or want will help him get the job done without having to try and figure out the meaning behind the question.  Men get confused and frustrated with women many times because, women are not direct and think that a man should know what they want.  The truth is that unless women tell most men what you want their brains are not wired to pick up on those subtle ques like a girlfriend or sister may sense......

Listening to men having conversations with each other can give women a clue as to how direct they are with one another when they want something, they don't beat around the bush.

For men dealing with women the same is true about a woman, she is not wired to be as direct biologically or socially, so if she is trying to tell you something and you are getting frustrated, repeat what she said back to you.  Example:  you are telling me that you are tired at night and when you wake up in the morning and the kitchen is not clean it stresses you out?  It will let her know that you heard what she said and also give you time to ask a more direct question.....Do you want me to take out the trash, or sweep the kitchen or put dishes away, what do you want men to do?  Be direct so that she does not have too
and can just answer your question.

Both men and women can use the communication technique of asking the question back, it is one way to pay attention, let the person know that you heard them and it gives some time to defuse a potential negative comeback!

For more information or help on how to communicate better with your mate, ask Dawn!

We have been married for 20 years and I have lost my desire

What happens when you are married and love your spouse but no longer feel desire for that person or feel any desire at all?

Understanding, what happens to the body and the mind as we age can help to resolve this issue.   Both men and women can experience loss of desire but for different reasons.  As our bodies age, and our minds expand with life experience, so do our feeling surrounding sex.  Many times couples are hesitant to talk about this with a partner or have tried but feel as though they are not being heard or understood.

As a couple enters into their 50's and the children are going off to college, they are in a place where the marriage is now focused back on their relationship...As a Clinical Sexologist  I see many couples in my private practice struggling with these issues at this stage in their lives.  For men and women there are some distinct differences that occur on a biological level.

Men: 
Men in their 50's and 60's are beginning to make less testosterone and vasopressin and the ratio of estrogen to testosterone increases as men get older.  Hormonally the male brain is becoming more like the mature female brain and becomes more responsive to oxytocin (the cuddle hormone, or the bonding hormone).  It is not that men do not want to have sex, but instead of lots of sex they begin to prefer the quality of the sexual interaction as opposed to the quantity.  One other factor that I often explain to couples is that the male brain now needs more stimulation to become aroused, just like that of a women's brain.  A man's in his 20's could see a flash of a women's breasts or legs and get an instant erection, because of the high levels of testosterone, but this is not the case for as they mature.  Men need more mental and physical closeness, as well as stimulation to become aroused and maintain an erection.  For some men this can become a time of anxiety as they are not able to keep erect for long periods of time and think that something is wrong with them.  The fact is that it just takes longer to get an erection and the excitement and help of his spouse to keep him erect.

Women:
As women pass through menopause they can experience lack of desire as well.  Some women who have a strong sex drive before menopause will continue after menopause to have the same desire but may need to invest in good lubrication.  For other women they can loose all desire if their hormone levels are not balanced.  The biggest problem that some women face in a marriage is wanting to feel sexual again.  Perhaps the sex before menopause, when she did still did have a sex drive was not all that satisfying and now that she no longer feels any desire the though of fixing it, is not important.  This is where my experience comes into play as a Clinical Sexologist.  I can help couples learn how to have better and more intimate sex, but I cannot do that if a women is completely lacking desire because of  loss of testosterone.  For some women the symptoms of lack of desire and depression can come before menopause as the brain may become less sensitive to estrogen. 

This loss of sensitivity to estrogen can trigger a cascade of symptoms such as hot flashes, joint pain, anxiety, depression, problems sleeping and changing levels of her libido.  After menopause many women's brains get used to the lower levels of estrogen, but if the testosterone levels are too low or not there at all then she will physically not feel sexual and may even be turned off by anything sexual.  The good news is that it is a simple fix hormonally to balance out the hormones and for her to feel desire, after that then we can begin to work on the intimacy in the marriage and more satisfying sex.

For more information on the topic or to set up an appointment you can contact Dawn Michael at The Happy Spouse or fill out an intake and release form to set up an appointment.

Couples who play together stay together, sex play that is!

Couples adult toy recommendation for the month is the new We-Vibe 4

If you are looking to get a special gift for your special someone why not give the gift that keeps on giving all year long......

The We-Vibe 4 has been completely redesigned for a better fit, more speeds and more control.

The We-Vibe 4 was designed to fit the female body for even better stimulation to the clitoris and the G-spot. So, she is able to feel more vibration and pleasure during penetrative sex, while he has fun with the remote control!!

Yes I did say remote control, that is what makes this adult sex toy so much fun, is that he can control her pleasure with a click of a button.  The ultimate tease in sex toy design.....

As a clinical sexologist I recommend adult toys to my clients to enhance their love life and this is one toy that will not only give her please but him as well.  Part of the joy of sex is the tease and playfulness that couples can share together.  The remote option with this toy is just that!  A way to tease the woman, until she has shivers up her spine and down her leg.

How it functions: 
 
The curved clitoral stimulator gently rests between the labia, while the stiff mid-section of the toy ensures a snug fit (which also makes it a great panty vibe!). The redesigned G-spot stimulator sits in place behind the pelvic bone, up and out of the way providing plenty of room for the penis. The new design increases stability and comfort because of its smaller size. Both partners experience extra pleasure.  The toy can also be used during sex for extra stimulation to her clitoris and G-spot, while he feels vibration on his penis.


Click on toy to order and enjoy the holiday throughout the year. 

Pleasure your partner with a Pulsater

What is a Pulsater? 

This is the newest adult sex toy on the market, it pulsates instead of vibrates.  The toy mimics the motion of intercourse hands free.  Fun Factory created a new line of sex toys hot off the market.  They are made from 100% medical grade silicone, water proof and battery free.  The sex toy makes it possible for women to have the thrusting motion of intercourse at a steady pace, allowing a slower build up to orgasm.  The toy has ten speeds so it can be adjusted to your bodies state of pleasure.  What I like about this adult sex toy is that many women don't experience vaginal orgasms, because their partners, either orgasm too quickly or the pace of the thrusting does not allow a woman the ability to slowly build up to her orgasm.

I have recommend this product to women who have not experienced a vagina orgasm, so that they can lean the sensation and then show it to their partner.  This toy can become a wonderful learning tool!  Click toy for more information

I want her to financially dominate me for her pleasure!

Financial domination is a fetish that most people are not aware of, but for those that have or practice it, this can be a very dangerous fetish.

It is said that financial domination stems from a fetish of financial slavery or to be dominated in a financial way.  Financial domination, though often misunderstood, is both a valid fetish and a very powerful form of power exchange. It is sometimes practiced in the BDSM community. The individuals who participates in the fetish usually gets excitement and aroused out of their fetish play; just as is the case in a number of other sexual fetishes.  In the situation of financial domination the excitement can occur when the slave gives money to his owner; feeling powerless under their control. In most cases the slave will get an intense rush of excitement from this, mixed with fear, humiliation and a sense of being owned. This excitement can last even past that point, lasting days after engaging in this fetish.


The men who practice this fetish may not fully understand the root of why they do it, but knowing that the feeling they get from it far outweighs the risks that they are willing to take.  This is why men that are brought to the brink of financial ruin will still want to continue to pursue this fetish.


The key to a successful exchange for a slave seeking a master in this type of situation, is if for the slave to be more selective of whom he is trusting to play in this fetish with.


For more information on an in depth look into the psychology of this fetish you may want to read
http://www.examiner.com/article/financial-domination-from-a-psychological-perspective

What is a normal amount of time too masturbate in a week?

How often have you wondered about this question concerning masturbation?

"Masturbation", mother natures gift to man/woman kind, self pleasure that keeps giving time and time again.  All of the natural hormones released in the body, relaxation and less stress after having the mighty orgasm, why would anyone not want to masturbate all the time?

How often is normal, there is no normal in human sexuality, there is a prescribed point of view, but in quantitative terms how could one determine what normal is?  The answer, is if it feels good and it is not disrupting your life in any way then that would be your normal.

The real answer is that masturbation for some people can become a problem when it keeps them from being productive in their lives or takes away sexual pleasure from a spouse or a partner.  Masturbating instead of having sex in your relationship can present a problem so the most logical answer would be to minimize the times one masturbates in a week or a day.

Many people masturbate everyday and this can be for both a woman or a man.  I often recommend in my intimacy counseling sessions that couples masturbate in front of each other, showing each other what makes them feel good so that their partner can learn.

Overall there is no normal masturbation, and if you think that you are having a problem then talk to a profession, if you are not then just enjoy your body and from time to time learn something new about it!