Tuesday, August 16, 2016

Maintenance Sex Is Crucial To Your Wellbeing

Maintaining optimal health in all areas of your life will have a direct impact on your overall wellbeing.  Most people will agree that maintaining your weight, your appearance, overall health, and even promoting healthy relationships is crucial to a healthy lifestyle.   
When a person is in a long term relationship it is crucial to maintain a healthy sex life that both people enjoy.  Not only is maintenance sex healthy for the relationship but it is also healthy for the body and the mind.  Having regular orgasms can regulate hormones, strength PC muscles, relieves stress and bring a couple closer together by sharing deeper intimacy.  Maintenance sex should not be confused with duty sex or have a negative stigma attached to it.  Over all optimal maintenance sex should involve both people having an orgasm and enjoyment of the experience.

For men their bodies adjust to a pattern of sexual release, if they are not climaxing with their partner then most men will masturbate to keep that sexual routine going.  If a man suddenly changes his sexual routine to limited climaxing, then he may feel a decrease in desire and even lower testosterone levels over time.  Having maintenance sex is one way to elevate this as well as provide optimal health.

For women having maintenance sex with orgasm, can help to strengthen PC muscles, regulate her hormones and have a positive effect on her desire.  When having an orgasm, powerful hormones are released that help to relieve stress as well as temporary pain relief.  In some women with chronic UTI maintain sex 3 times a week can help lessen chronic UTI from happening, as the body becomes used to the bacteria and is less likely to be affected by it, referred to as Honeymoon cystitis. 

Maintenance sex should be placed in the category of optimal health benefits and be enjoyed from that same perspective.  One thing for sure, those couples that do have maintenance sex reported a closer intimate relationship with their spouse as well as less fighting over the little things.

Intimacy counseling for you!  Visit www.thehappyspouse.com to set up your appointment today!

Friday, July 15, 2016

Results to Sex Survey for Married Men

The survey was designed to dispel some myths about men, marriage, sex and the use of pornography.  

As a clinical sexologist in private practice, I experience an overwhelming number of married couples seeking help concerning pornography use.   As part of the counseling session each person is given a sex history to fill out.  The results are reveling as to how pornography plays a role in a man’s sex life.  As a sex researcher as well as counselor I like to add extra data that I obtain from surveys.  

One survey I put out a few months ago and asked 16 questions to married men about their sex lives.  the survey was titled, "Sex Survey For Married Men".   100 plus men answered the questions,.  Here is the link to the survey to view for yourself.  https://www.surveymonkey.com/results/SM-3PZRFJGT/


The average age of the men that took the survey was 34% between the ages 40-50 and 28% between the ages 51-60 and some varied ages in between.  Most men had been married for an average of 26 years plus tied with men married from 1-5 years.   More than half of the men had children with their spouses.  When I asked men if they had watched pornography before marriage 87% said yes.  When asked on average how often men masturbated 24% said a few times a month, 21% said every day, 18% said 3 times a week.  When asked if the men have had an affair 37% said yes and 12% said they were thinking about it. 

When asked this question, “If I could change one thing about my sex life it would be”

Sex more often

More exciting sex
Sex with other people

No sex

My wife initiated more often

I would have no performance issues

When asked this questions, “If your wife saw you watching porn what would you hope she did?

Leave me alone
Sit and watch it with me

Have sex with me instead of watching porn

I would be embarrassed

My conclusion of the survey along with information gathered by both men and women. I would summarize that most men had watched pornography before marriage which became a part of their sexual pattern.  They masturbated on average 3 times or more a week.  Men reported that they would rather watch porn with their wives or have sex with their wives instead of watching porn alone, but when asked if they had more sex with their wives would they stop watching porn?  46% said that they would still watch porn.  What I concluded was that if sex was not exciting or it became more difficult or unenjoyable to have sex with their wives then they would rather watch porn. When they had satisfying consistent sex with their wife’s they masturbated less meaning they watched less porn.  Most men would watch porn in-between having sex with their wives because they had a greater sex drive then their spouse or some even used it as a stress release.  Pornography was not the issue or problems, but simply something stimulating to masturbate too when not having sex.  Most men did not view it as a problem.  When a man masturbated to porn on average 3 times a week normally before marriage and when married had good sex with his wife on average 3 times a week men reported that they rarely watched porn.  If a man masturbated everyday but only had sex with his wife once a week he would still masturbate to porn everyday but the one day he had sex with his wife, which is consistent with his sexual pattern of masturbation.   The reality is that at some point throughout a long term marriage most couples will have mismatched sex drives and sex can get boring.  When this happens a man will turn to masturbation using pornography or have an affair to stabilize his sexual pattern.  Men reported that when they were accused of being porn addicts or their use of pornography became a problem in the marriage some ended up having an affair or became more turned off to their wives and hid their porn use.   Men also reported that if sex with their wife was more frequent and more exciting they would watch less pornography and certainly not have an affair.  Lastly were the percentage of men that had performance issues, erectly dysfunction, a fetish or not sexually attracted to their spouse they turned to pornography more often.
(As a side note masturbation by most of the men was accompanied by porn use, as a means of external stimulation, if porn was not available the men would still continue to masturbate.)

Tuesday, May 3, 2016

Mother's Day Advice For Men

As mother’s day approaches I am always left with a mixed bag of emotions.  Growing up in the United States and following the culture, and holidays of an American family, Mother’s day was a big event that happened once a year.  My father would buy my mom a card, a gift and we would all go out as a family to brunch or someone in the family would host one for all the moms.  It was a favorite childhood experience of mine.  When I grew up and got married, had children of my own, my husband at the time did not grow up celebrating American holidays. Therefore he simply did not see the importance of them.  I would still celebrate with my mom and extended family and my children, but he did not get me a card or gift from the kids or himself.  He never understood the difference in cultures and how important it was to me celebrating certain holidays such as Mothers Day. 

As a professional counselor I help couples with their intimate lives in my private practice.  I go over the concept of “Familiar”  with the couples explaining how each person has an idea of what is familiar to them based on how they grew up.  What may be familiar to one person in a relationship may not away be familiar to the other person.  Explaining this to couples helps them to better see it from the other person’s perspective.  Honoring an important event to a spouse even though the other person may not see the importance of the event is part of respecting that person’s values.  Mothers’ day happens only once a year, so honoring a woman who is a mother if that is the tradition she was raised in is the right thing to do.  Making her feel special instead of ignoring that day will go a long way setting up positive feelings towards each other in a relationship.  The opposite is also true, not honoring her or being stubborn about celebrating it with her on that day if it is her "familiar" will only make her feel bad about the relationship and cause her to dreed mother’s day each year.  Lasting relationships are built on mutual respect and love, honoring each other and doing the best to make the other person happy, when this happens then the relationship will blossom.  Mother’s day is a time to be thankful to all the moms in the world who give of themselves not only to their children or step-children but to their families and significant others.  Both men and women can honor a mom, tell her that she is a great mom, and let her know how much you appreciate her even if she is not your mom, your wife or the mother of your children, she is still a mom and if you love let her know.  Being a mom is one of the hardest jobs in the world, as well as one of the most rewarding.  To all of the beautiful mom’s, I personally want to wish you a happy mother’s day and let you know that you are appreciated!

Thursday, March 31, 2016

Video of My Husband Wont Have Sex With Me Review

Over 1 million views a year and 2000 comments lead to my new book "My Husband Wont Have Sex With Me"  Check out a sneak preview on YouTube!  Please leave comments, and purchase a copy of the book !

Monday, March 14, 2016

Married Men Sex Survey-Results

In our society there is a myth that men don't like it when a woman takes over in the bedroom.  In hope of demystifying this myth and help couples to improve their sex lives, I set out on a journey to get information from men around the world.  As I gather information for my new book I will share it with you to gain more insight on this myth.  As a means to gather more information about sex in marriage, please feel free to leave comments and join this blog to get new updated surveys and results.    Those of you who took the survey, I want to thank-you! 

Now is the time to leave your comment and expand on your questions.  As you read the results below, it becomes very clear that most of the men do like it when their wife initiates sex.  For women reading this article I am hopeful that this information will help you to better understand your husband.  The other overwhelming answers that most men agree with is that they would like their wife to initiate sex more often.  They felt that their wives wanted to initiate sex but may be shy about asking for it. 

In my new book "My Husband Wont Have Sex With Me"  We discuss some possible reasons why men may get turned off or frustrated with sex in marriage, leading to cheating or watching pornography instead of dealing with the continued rejection of their spouse.  For women who may think that men don't like women to initiate this is not true as most men do.  Men want to know how to please their wives and a woman expressing this to them is a huge turn on!
As far as men watching pornography most men would rather have sex with their wives, but will turn to pornography when their wives are not available.  This was the result for the below question "I would like to have sex everyday with my wife, but when we don't I use porn to satisfy myself and she knows about it."   29%

View Results

Monday, February 29, 2016

There is an epidemic of SEXLESS MARRIAGE

There has always been talk about women not wanting to have sex with their husband........What happens when it is the man not wanting to have sex with his wife?  Let's Explore the epidemic of sexless marriage in my new forum www.sexlessspouse.com.

The forum talks about my new book "Why Wont My Husband Have Sex With Me", bringing about topics that have been too taboo to speak about until now.  We delve into men who watch pornography instead of having sex with their wives and why it can happen to anyone.  As well as secret fetishes and why men cheat.  Are you tired of trying to get your husband to be intimate with you, longing to have that passion back in your life?  Or are you a husband struggling with how to tell your wife that you have performance issues, and each time you try to make love to her you lose your erection.  These issues are more common than one may think.

Live your life with passion love and the deep intimacy of a loving marriage!

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