Tuesday, January 4, 2011

How to put healthy male dominance back into your marriage

How a man can gain the male dominance

Gaining male dominance is a very touchy subject but one that is an underlining factor in many marriages. This has nothing to do with a man dominating or controlling a woman, but everything to do with a man having male dominance in his marriage.

The fact is when the scales are tipped a little to the opposite side where the marriage has female dominance, the relationship may not work, especially in the couples intimate lives.

What exactly is male dominance in terms of a man and a woman? A man with male dominant traits would be the hunter in the marriage, the provider and the protector. This may seem like a far fetched cry from what our world looks like today in modern times, but the underling essence of our DNA is still there. A man when married to a woman still needs to feel his male dominance and woman needs to feel it as well.
Male dominance in marriage, female dominance in marriage

The male dominance has much to do with the way in which a husband will be with his wife sexually and how she will respond to him sexually.
Many women fight for their independence and to be equal with their husbands in every respect and some go beyond that becoming the female dominance in the marriage and equal footing may work for some couples but female dominance does not work for the majority.

When this happens a wife without even understanding it will lose her base line female attraction for her husband. She does not need him as a man anymore, so he becomes instead her roommate.
The biggest problem is that when a man and women are married for some time and they don’t realize the roles that they have settled into, it will affect their intimate life in a negative way. Many times when the couple begins to have a problems in the marriage, it will stem from the role that the husband and wife have taken on.

Gaining the male dominance back in marriage

The first step if for the married couple to understand the importance of a man and a woman’s role in a marriage and talk openly about it. This has nothing to do with one being better or more important than the other, it has to do with what a man does best in his marriage and what a woman does best in her marriage. Two equal partners doing their best, and accepting each other for the inherent male and female qualities.

Most women generally don’t like a push over for a husband, especially if she is a strong woman. A husband that allows his wife to belittle him and put him down is only going to resent her even more. A woman who does this to her husband and then him not letting her know how it makes him feel is just perpetuating the situation. This in fact will play out negatively in the couples intimate lives.
The second step is for the man and woman to respect each other and value what is manly and what is feminine and begin to build that back into the marriage.

I am talking about things like strength from a husband, helping his wife with her car, trash, things around the home, protecting her, providing for her. Most women like to know that a man is looking out for her, even she can take care of herself. That is how a man can gain back his male dominance and most women find this type of masculine behavior very sexy.

Feminine values are more nurturing, approaching her husband when he gets home form work and greeting him with a kiss, cooking for him or at least bringing in some good take out or prepared food, comforting the children or making him soup when he is sick. Loving him in an intimate way and desiring him as a man. A man loves it when his wife still desires him and accepts him for who he is.

Many people are confused with the gender roles that society has set down for them and pretend that they are not a part of them but the fact still remains that they are. Male dominant traits are a part of a man and that comes out with his confidence in himself, and the fact that he is able to provide for his family. A woman who chooses to be with a man like this can understand that when given her love and support he can go out into the world and slay dragons for her. A man who still values supporting his wife and family and women who appreciate their husbands for that, will add stability to the marriage and the family.

A prime example of this is women in the film industry, music industry that make more money than their husbands, now how many of those marriage are still around?

With the economy the way it is many women and men are both forced to work, but when, they do have children and one parent can afford to stay home, why not take that opportunity to raise the child instead of daycare. Children are only small once and work can come and go but family with small kids only lasts for a short while.

Comments from readers
Very few men know the difference between a protector and provider [not necessary of money, but of love and leadership] and a bossy, possessive owner of property. Like the difference between a leader and a manager. In marriage the man must be the leader and not the manager. The woman manages the household and the children. A leader is nothing without a manager(s), and managers are nothing without leaders. Just a metaphor. Take care.

I have not read this hub but i love the topic so i will say what i know before my mind gets influenced by this hub. Generally man and woman have their God given positions in marriages, work, society and in every sphere of life.

In the home, i have read, believed and understood that man are meant to be the main provider. Provider is not only food supply, cars and shelter. It is everything thats needed by the wife, kids and family collectively. These include security, physical security, financial security, food security, amongst others would be sexual provision as well.

A home is a kingdom and a kingdom is run by a king and queen. The king being the provider as i have described above, the queen being the daily monitor of fine details within the kingdom. I know one might now start to question my beliefs because woman of today have a tendancy of counter behaviour. It is true we have a lot of weak man in different areas of lifebut, a woman is mean to be submissive and the man supportive.

The jobs that we all have do not determine the household positions, in many cases today its the bank accounts that seem to have taken over what is meant to be straight rules that a fair and constructive. So for a man to know his power meter, he has to stick to his duties and not over ride into the woman's territory. The same applies for our wonderful ladies.

It does not matter how much more you earn, your wife or husband still remains in their position as long as you help them keep it and grow together in your marriage. God bless you. Now i may read the hub.

Quite honestly, this hub disturbs me. I don't like the idea that patriarchal dominance is demanded by biology and think that is untrue and, worse, helps perpetuate this sort of behavior. Male dominance is cultural, yes, but the culture is changing.


Yes strong title, but as many know when they read my articles that the titles have a twist to them. As stated in my first sentence this is not about someone controlling another person at all. In fact if you look at my articles and back ground, I am very much for a man and a woman respecting one another in a marriage. The religious aspect of a man controlling a wife is not what this article is about at all. As a woman, mother, wife, marriage counselor, I want my husband to be the king the of his castle but as the reader above I am the queen, meaning there are male and female roles in marriage and I happen to think that each role has its place one is not better than the other or more important, but when a woman becomes the master of the kingdom her king will feel like a queen and what husband wants to feel like a queen and what wife wants to make love to a queeny husband? 

Daniel Carter 
The idea of dominance is supposed to engender respect. However, most people don't really understand what it means. Most of dominance as we generally see it is about control and manipulation, not setting healthy boundaries. It's the healthy boundaries of dominance that are supposed to engender respect, which in turn is supposed to facilitate healthy boundaries for any of the Dominant Person's circle.

Dominance is not about always being at the front. It is about modeling so that those in the circle will also know how to establish their own healthy boundaries. Interestingly, if it's done with love and respect, those in that circle (particularly children) can also lead out in time with the blessing and encouragement from the Dominant person.

To understand this correctly, it's supposed to be founded in love and respect, not in ego, arrogance, control and manipulation. Dominance is role modeling in healthy ways.

At least that's my take on the subject.

American Tiger I  go read the unix hub, and found myself in such opposition to it I left the lengthy comment in HIS post, instead of writing it here in support of yours. However, because I adore you openly, I will paraphrase myself herein:

Were we to transport ourselves back in time ~before rules and laws and civilization~ the "equality" relationship enjoyed by some today would be so completely untenable, so utterly alien and counter-intuitive, as to render it unthinkable. No woman would accept a man who wanted to share roles and responsibilities, and no man she wanted would tolerate a woman seeking to emasculate him in any way.

Another point worth making; Those "cave" people ~who suffered no confusion about gender roles~ were every bit as intelligent and reasoned as you and I. Some anthropologists argue they were actually smarter. The "Hunter-Gatherer" lifestyle is easily the healthiest possible for humans. Fresh air, plenty of exercise, whole grains and no preservatives in the proteins we ate.

Moreover; The harder life is in any particular society, the more "physical beauty" is prized in a mate. Only when the first few rungs of the Hierarchy of Needs are easily met, do less attractive people tend to be selected for intellectual reasons.

Leaving all religious and societal/cultural concepts aside, masculine dominance is as natural and correct a part of humanity as having aposable thumbs. It is hard-wired into our entire being.

Citing evidence from the Natural world, we can readily see that differences in physiology bespeak differences in mentality and psychology. Carnivores do NOT behave like Herbivores. Predators do not behave like Prey.

Take the Cat and the Rabbit. Two very similar looking animals (Cat and Rabbit are interchangeable in the Chinese Zodiac), neither is equipped to live the others life: Rabbits eat grass, cats eat rabbits. Were we to swap brains out between two, both organisms would soon die.

Nature does not supply tools (physiology like fangs and claws, or in the case of Primates: larger bodies, denser bones, thicker muscles) to creatures not intellectually equipped to use them.

If Nature had intended women to be equal in dominance to men, would women not be larger, stronger and more aggressive, as a rule?


Is this SUPPOSE to be the nature of dominance that we as humans were and are to take over the animal kingdom? Yes, it should work the same way...

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