Cuckolding From a Psychological Perspective The Intelligent Fetish

The term cuckold in modern terms refers to a sexual fetish in which the fetish is stimulated by their committed partner choosing to have sex with someone else. This is the very basic term of cuckold that is defined, but what is left out is the entire concept of the need of the man to have another man please his wife (significant other) and her wanting it.  That is the basis of most cuckold fantasy, the fringe or as I like to put it the extras can include but are not limited too: The man has a larger penis, in fact larger the better and many times it is a black male that is the man.

The husband many want to watch or he simply may want his wife to have sex and then come back and tell him about it.

There is also the act of humiliation which can range from simple humiliation of penis size comparison to more extreme humiliation of  being punished, put in chastity belt, made to please the other man oral or anal, tied up, or asked to clean out his wife. (To be specific after she has been with another man he is to lick the semen out of her vagina)  There is also a biological component to this as well, him cleaning her out and then having sex with her leaving his sperm inside.

Some men enjoy being sissified where they are asked to dress up and made to look like a women as they watch their wife have sex with many other men and they are not allowed to touch themselves. The psychological component to all of this is interesting as well, most people that are into the cuckolding have a vivid imagination and an active mind.  The eroticism of the act itself is the catalyst not the sex, but the thoughts of it are almost more appealing to men then actually doing it...(The fantasy aspect)

The biological part of cuckolding is fascinating as well, where his sperm will be the dominate sperm ,even if he is not able himself please his wife sexually.  

Some men get triggered into cuckolding by an ex-girlfriend that cheated on them, and somehow instead of it causing him to be jealous it turned him on.  Another dynamic or association is a man that many feel that his penis is too small or not sufficient enough to please his wife.  A third dynamic is that his wife will enjoy being with several well endowed men and not leave him because he is letting her have her fill, but she gets her love and friendship from him.  The problems that does happen with men in general with a wife, is that some of them either turn into poly relationships where the women gets attached to the other man, or she decides that she is no longer interested in this type of relationship with her spouse.  Some men are married for years and never tell their spouse either that they have this fetish.

Does this type of relationship exist, yes it does and can it work, that is the question?  

For some couples it can for a time, but for most couples that I have worked with or spoken with the time is limited and problems do occur.  The fetish is mostly male driven, but there are women that do find an interest in it as well, but not likely to marry a women then expose her to it after the marriage and expect her to accept it.  The relationships that do work are usually the one's when it is open to begin with, and the woman dictates what she does and does not want.

As a clinical sexologist and intimacy counselor, I always welcome new information on topics and this one in particular I find fascinating.  If anyone has a comment to add or discussion more on the topic please feel free to leave your comments below.

For more information or to set up an appointment with Dawn visit The Happy Spouse

My husband wants me to have sex with other men

This may be an eye opening title for many couples but there is a growing number of married couples who have ventured into the wold of cuckolding.  The term cuckold is very old and when applied to a situation it can vary between couples.  Usually it is the man who wants to have his wife involved in this type of relationship, but some of the time it is the woman.  This type of open relationship can be very exciting for some couples or for some destroy the marriage.

As a sex therapist (clinical sexologist) and relationship counselor I help people to navigate through relationship issues and come up with ways that both people can be happy in their marriage.  To partake in the cuckold relationship it is not just about the sex but more about the erotic psychological release that takes over the sexual situation.  It seems to go against our human nature to imagine our wife having sex with another man and getting enjoyment from watching it.

How does one get to the point where they find this to be an exciting part of their sex life?

Understanding why some men find the cuckolding marriage so exciting.
One running thread that I find as a therapist working with men and couples is the idea of the man pleasing his wife.  Many times the man may feel that he cannot physically please his wife because of erectile issues, penis size or the fact that he feels a lager penis is what she needs and he can't provide it.  He derives great pleasure from hearing that his wife has orgasms from this other man but she still fancies her husband as the main man she loves and adores.  One of the down falls of this set up or this type of relationship is if the wife actually starts to become emotionally connected to one of these men, then the whole idea of the husband being the man that she loves is destroyed.

In some marriage the cuckolding can be a very psychological type of sexual fetish so to speak, involving denial of the mans orgasm, punishment, and even humiliation.  When looking at the true psychology behind the sexual thrill of the cuckold experience from a man's perspective it can get quite complicated, as he delves deeper into his fantasies and fetishes.

In simplifying the nature of the relationship it is always best for the couple to set some boundaries and talk about what it may feel like to get involved in the cuckold life style.  One of the best ways to understand how it may feel or test the water, is to do simple role play just between the couple.  Acting out what it may feel like to have another person involved in the sexual act by using sex toys, videos and erotic role play is one way to test the waters without falling in head first.

For more information or questions concerning your relationship you can contact Dawn at dawnm42@gmail.com or leave your comment.