How to Help Erectile Dysfunction With Penis Power

Spice Up Boring Sex In Your Marriage

Better sexual intimacy in a marriage promotes a deeper bond and a longer lasting loving relationship.  As with most long term relationships sex can get boring.  It is just like eating the same food over and over again, things need to be spiced up!  

A tasty delicious dish keeps you coming back for more and so does delicious sex.  

Along with my book  "Ultimate Intimacy Guide for Passionate People", 

Enjoy the delicious treat of sexual intimacy with your spouse all year round.  

What is Surrogate Partner Therapy (Sex Surrogate)

Penis size, too big, too small, just right?

Men want to know what women think about the size of their penis. 

Bedroom Talk: Better Sex, Starts With Appreciation

Have you ever noticed that when your spouse or significant other expresses appreciation towards you, that you suddenly feel closer to them?  That is the idea of appreciation and letting the person you love know how much you appreciate the little things that they do for you.  Appreciation can give you that warm feeling all over creating a deeper connection to your spouse.  It brings people together in a loving way which promotes better intimacy over all.  If you want sex that is more connected then start connecting outside the bedroom with appreciation towards your spouse.  As I always say, "Everyone deserves a healthy sex life, and so do you"  Give some appreciation today!

Bedroom Talk: Forgiveness

Forgiveness can be difficult because it usually deals with hurt feelings or feelings of being disrespected.  When a person can forgive themselves or others it can help heal a person and open them up to more positive experiences.  Forgiveness is not always easy, especially if there are years of built up resentment.  Taking small steps to forgive is a start and that is also a start to healing a relationship that has become one built on resentment rather than love.  Forgiving oneself is at the forefront of forgiving others and getting to the true nature of hurt or even feeling of guilt.  When we forgive it is allowing judgment of oneself and others to slowly go away and open the heart and mind to new ways of living a positive life.  Forgiveness can promote intimate feelings eventually leading to better sexual intimacy in the bedroom.

Bedroom Talk: How Often Should Couples Be Having Sex?

What are your thoughts on this topic, please leave your comments!

Managing Your Cuckold Sexual Fetish

He blurted out to me across the phone lines, “I want my wife to have sex with other men in front of me!”  That is how the conversation started between my new client Tom and I.  We talked on the phone for our 80-minute session, him being in New York and me in Sothern California while I got his sex history and more details about his current situation.  Being a clinical sexologist these are issues that I deal with on a regular basis. Tom being very serious goes on to say that he also wants his wife to dominate him sexually while he is made to watch other men please his wife.  He is open to humiliation as well as being flogged and made to get the other guy hard and ready to have sex with his wife.  As we speak, he continues to be so focused on his fetish that he has convinced himself that his wife truly desires it herself, but she is simply too shy to try it out. In our next session one week later we talk more about his fetish and his relationship with his wife, whom he has been married to for 8 years.   As I dig deeper into his sexual history and his relationship with his wife he reveals to me that he is having problems getting and maintaining an erection, and is not able to have intercourse with his wife, but pleases her in other ways.   This is something that has been going on throughout their marriage.

As we talk more about his sex history he also reveals to me that in his mid-twenties before meeting his wife he had a girlfriend that cheated on him for this same reason of having erectile dysfunction.  He stated that when he found out she cheated on him he was initially very hurt but then it became a turn on for him thinking about her with other men.  He then encouraged her to seek out other men for sex and then to come home and tell him about it after.  She did this for a few months but in the end she fell in love with one of the men and left him.  After that relationship ended he continued to watch porn delving deeper into his sexual fetish of cuckolding. A few years later he met his current wife.  He said that his wife was very sweet and had an open mind when it came to sex but he kept his fetish to himself for the first few years of their marriage and continued to watch cuckolding porn until his wife started questing his lack of sexual desire towards her.  At that point he told his wife about his fetish and they began to use that fantasy when engaging in sex and the frequency of sex with his wife improved.  Tom explained to me after that she enjoyed him talking about the fantasy but he started to get bored with just that and began to push her to try it out for real.   She told him that she was not interested in doing that, but he felt that if she just tried it she would love it.  This led him to believe that she indeed wanted to have sex with another guy, but needed to be pushed a little more into it, this went on for a few years until she started to get angry and did not want to have sex very often, that is when he decided to call me for counseling. 

As the counseling sessions continued with Tom he was planning on surprising his wife with a man when she came home and wanted to know if this was a good idea, to get her interested in having sex again.  I explained to him that he was on very shaky ground and we needed to evaluate what was fantasy and what was a real life situation.  As I began to explain to him that his fetish had become so familiar to him and ingrained in his mind that he was now projecting those feeling onto his wife.  When I asked him to share some of her responses with him, he said that she would say things like, “Why would you want me to have sex with other men?”, and “Is there something wrong with me?”, “Do you really love me, because if you did how could you see me have sex with another man?”  After going over her responses with him I got him to understand that perhaps he was projecting more onto his wife then he wanted to believe.   I suggested that she get involved in our counseling sessions so that the three of us could work together on improving the intimacy and their sex lives.  He agreed.  I worked with Tom and his wife and we were able to compromise as well as make their sex life more exciting for him by adding in role play, domination, and sex toys.  She was very open and wanted to be intimate with her husband but felt as though he was pushing her to have sex with other men and that was not something that she wanted to do.

She was open to my suggestions and had a sense of adventure, she was more than happy to expand her erotic boundaries and find new ways to have fun in the bedroom.  As Tom and his wife tried new positons and role play Tom was more satisfied with his sex life and not pushing his wife to bring another man into the bedroom.  He really enjoyed the new role play of her dominating him and it helped him to relax during sex and made it possible for him to achieve an erection and to enjoy intercourse.  His wife found much pleasure in dominating him as well.  He still watched porn on cuckolding but only once a week instead of everyday.

When a person has a sexual fetish it is a part of their sexuality and not something that a person can change about themselves.  What I help couples with is a way to manage their fetish and incorporate it into their relationship.  Trying to eliminate the fetish has proven to be unsuccessful.  The idea of managing a fetish is ultimately the best path to take but often has challenges with it.  Managing a fetish takes work as well as a commitment to change some behaviors that can lead to hurting their relationship.  Harm reduction in the relationship is the best possible solution to managing a sexual fetish and still being able to function sexually.

Some sexual fetishes can involve a sexual turn on that the other person in the relationship may not find attractive.  Case in point:  Scott came to me for help with his farting and pooping fetish.  He had only been married to his wife for 5 years and they had one child and another on the way.  He was very into farting and wanted his wife to fart on him.  He also got turned on by watching her poop and was fascinated at watching it come out.  It really turned him on but he knew that it did not turn his wife on at all.  Other than the sexual fetish being a problem in the marriage they had a great marriage.  As I talked to Scott about his fetish I also talked to his wife Melinda about it as well trying to have her understand his fascination with pooping and arousal.  I compared it to their 2-year-old son who was also fascinated by his poop as most 2 year olds are.  Once she was able to make some kind of connection she began to feel less disgusted with her husband and more open to him at least taking about it with her.  As we continued to work on the management of the sexual fetish she became open to farting on him and him being allowed to talk about his fantasy with her in more detail.  He also was not watching poop porn everyday but only once a week with his wife’s approval instead of hiding it from her.  She was not interested in pooping on him but by allowing him to talk about it he was able to get aroused during sex.

I urged them to continue to use fantasy and to have open communication about his sexual fetish and check back in with me from time to time.  As he is not able to stop his pooping fetish, he can change his behavior to manage it and compromise with his wife.  As some fetishes are more challenging than others time will tell if this couple will be able to work through this one.

For help with managing your fetish you can visit Dr. Dawn Michael at www.thehappyspouse.com

There is an epidemic of SEXLESS MARRIAGE

There has always been talk about women not wanting to have sex with their husband........What happens when it is the man not wanting to have sex with his wife?  Let's Explore the epidemic of sexless marriage in my new forum www.sexlessspouse.com.

The forum talks about my new book "Why Wont My Husband Have Sex With Me", bringing about topics that have been too taboo to speak about until now.  We delve into men who watch pornography instead of having sex with their wives and why it can happen to anyone.  As well as secret fetishes and why men cheat.  Are you tired of trying to get your husband to be intimate with you, longing to have that passion back in your life?  Or are you a husband struggling with how to tell your wife that you have performance issues, and each time you try to make love to her you lose your erection.  These issues are more common than one may think.

Live your life with passion love and the deep intimacy of a loving marriage!

Sex Education Video Worth Watching!

I think that we should make this a mandatory sex education video for all of our teenagers in the Untied States.  Our teens are learning about sex from pornography instead of educational videos.  This video is from the U.K.

Sex education :Difference Between Penis and Vagina IS A  WONDERFUL VIDEO

A Couples Guide to Better Sexual Intimacy

"As I laid down in my bed next to him, I could feel the warmth of his body against mine, it had been so long since we made love to each other.  The sad fact is I think we both just forgot how to be with one another."

"After my wife had our son, it seemed as though all of her attention was placed on him and somehow she had forgotten how to be my wife.  I longed for her to touch me again, to desire me again.  I just don't know how to approach about this anymore, please help!"

 

If these comments sound familiar to you then "A Couples Guide to Better Sexual Intimacy", can help you get the sexual intimacy back into your relationship.

Dr. Dawn Michael, ACS created the guidebook to help individuals and couples learn how to work together to create more intimate, loving connections with each other while at the same time improving their sex lives. After years of working with couples, Dr. Michael felt that using traditional therapeutic tools did not address the sexual issues that many couples were experiencing in their relationships. Most traditional therapeutic approaches, however, focused on the problem rather than the solution. She saw the need to develop a guide that would enable couples to open up about their sex lives. She understood that, for many couples, once the intimate connection was gone, the little things in the relationship became more of a problem. Couples could talk for hours about what they were upset about, but when it came down to hurt feelings, it usually was about the lack of intimacy in their relationship along with the skills to communicate those feelings. 

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By Dawn Michael PhD

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I cheated on my wife should I tell her or not?

A man was seeking my professional help because he and his wife had been having some problems in their marriage, concerning their sex life.  He explained to me in our counseling session that he met a woman on a business trip at a bar and he ended up having sex with her.  He felt so bad about it and did not know how to tell his wife he had cheated.  Before he left on his trip he and his wife had gotten into an argument.  The arguing had been increasing in the marriage for over a year.  His wife was becoming less interested in sex to the point where if they had it at all it was once a month and it was beginning to feel like a chore.  He still loved his wife after 15 years of marriage but was feeling extremely rejected and lonely.

We spoke a little more about what may have changed in the marriage about a year ago?   He stated that nothing major had changed but that it did seem that his wife may be having some issues with moodiness, also complaining that during sex she was more dry and uncomfortable.  She was in her late forties and he mood swings were more noticeable.  As we talked more it seemed to me that his wife may be experiencing signs of menopause.

As I explained some of the symptoms to him, he agreed that perhaps she was and that a visit to her doctor may provide some answers.  We spoke more about his situation as far as cheating on his wife, and how the fighting leading up to it could have been avoided.  Solutions to marital problems never get better by going outside the marriage and cheating.  Telling his wife about his affair, was not going to resolve the problem either.  The marriage needed some attention, from both the husband and the wife.

After our session I suggested that he and his wife come back together for intimacy counseling so that they could get back on tract with the marriage. It was important as well to find out from his wife's perspective how she was feeling about the marriage.  She had been refusing to have sex with her husband for over a year, with occasional sexual contact maybe once a month, this was a problem.  She could be going through menopause, but also neglecting her husband instead of dealing with their marital problems was not the answer either.

The moral of this story is there are always two sides to a marriage, and being pro-active is the best solution before it is too late.  For this couple they were able to work through many of the problems with intimacy counseling and the assistance of balancing out her hormones with her doctor.  Both husband and wife did take responsibility of what was going on in the marriage.  If her husband at first had come out and told his wife that he had cheated on her it would have made the situation worse, they needed to figure out what lead up to the cheating and fix that in the marriage. 

My wife is not interested in having sex with me

How many husbands are in marriages where they are tired of begging for sex from their wives? 

If you are one of them then you may want to pay close attention to what you are going to read in this article.  A women's sex drive and desire is different than a man's.....This does not mean that her's is more or less of a sex drive, but with women, they can get turned off from sex for many reasons.  A women's emotions, feeling of love and safety all play part in her level of desire.  Another factor is physical, and this can be her cycle throughout the month as well as her hormone levels.

A list of top ten reasons why your wife may not want to have sex with you!

1.  Her hormones may be off:  She may not even realize that her testosterone levels are low and she needs to be tested and given hormone replacement or a testosterone patch.   This would involve her making an appointment with the gynecologist and getting her hormones checked.  A woman with low levels of testosterone physically and mentally will not only, "Not want to have sex but the though of it may completely disgust her".

2.  She is angry with you!  When a women is angry with her husband, it is difficult for her to get in the mood and want to have sex with him.  If you and your wife have unresolved issues that she is continually angry about then take the time to work through them.  Women need to feel love from their husbands not anger or be angry with them.

3.  She is no longer attracted to you:  This is called situational lack of desire and it can happen slowly in a marriage.  A women may find her husband no longer physically attractive.  When a man gains weight it usually goes to his stomach and breasts, instead of him having a manly appearance he now has the look of a pregnant female and not only that, it changes the way he smells.  When men gain weight their estrogen levels go up and this can affect the way he smells to her on a pheromone level.  The physical attraction is no longer there nor is the manly smell to lure her in.

4.  She no longer finds him masculine:  A man that has been overly domesticated to the point of becoming his wife's girlfriend instead of her man, is not attractive.  If you find yourself tip toeing  around the house, beg for sex, hire someone to fix the toilet instead of doing it yourself, she may find this unattractive.  Men in this type of marriage resort to passive aggressive behavior instead of being upfront and honest.  He has become her husband instead of her man, she controls him, and he allows it.  Women in general like to feel feminine and when that relationship is not longer present then the couple  just becomes buddies.

5.  She does not feel safe with her husband:  For a women to want to let herself go with a man there is a sense of safety that she needs to feel.  She may not even be aware of this, because it is an animal instinct that is part of the female brain.  This is especially true for a woman to achieve orgasm with her husband.  The difficult part about her feeling safe is that, it may encompass many details like past sexual experiences, financial security and food on the table.  Then there is trust that has to do with safety, has the trust been broken, by cheating, physical abuse, emotional abuse.  All of this plays into her feeling safe.

6.  She is not in love with her husband anymore:  A women can have sex with a man that she is not in love with, but only for so long.  When there is no love or the love is gone then so is the sex, or at least the true sexual intimacy.  Love can grow in a relationship,  but it can also fade with time. 

7.  She is not well:  This can involve physical or emotional pain, mental illness or a chronic disease.  Pain is a mood killer on any level, that goes for emotional pain as well a physical pain.  People deal with pain in many different ways, some people take drugs, others drink, some try homeopathic, counseling, or just keep it to themselves.   Whatever pain she may have all of it is a desire killer and can lead to not wanting to have sex.

8.  She is having an affair:  She is cheating on her husband, having sex with someone else on an emotional or physical level.  For women, cheating can be very different than for a man, women mostly cheat emotionally where men cheat physically.  There may not even be any sex involved but her emotions are invested in another man and she is desiring him.

9.  She is gay:  She may have wanted to get married and have children, but somewhere in between she realized that she was gay.  She is attracted to women not men and she does not know how to tell her husband about it.

10.  He has have forgotten to be her man:  He is married now and takes her and the marriage for granted.  He no longer does the things for her that he used to.   Women like to be treated like a woman, taken out to dinner, pampered here and there, made to feel loved, special, appreciated, just like a man does.  Women like the cards and roses, or even a foot or back massage, how about a hot bath and a glass of wine.  Make her dinner, kiss the back of her neck, tell she is beautiful, that you love her.....give her a hugs and a kiss her tonight, look into her eyes and see the women that you once feel in love with!....

When a man is naturally submissive in the bedroom

I had a session with a man who wanted to know how to become more dominant in the bedroom with his wife.  He stated that he had overwhelming fantasies of being told what to do by his wife, but he knew that she would never partake in this type of sex play.  He was struggling with maintaining an erection as well stating that his desire to be submissive to her and to only bring her pleasure was all her could think about.

I suggested to him a few exercises that him and his wife could do, so that he was not always the one having to initiate sex.

Another topic of discussion came up about the feelings he had about being submissive and that they were not likely to go away.  Most of the time if you are a true submissive that is your natural personality, in the bedroom.  Many times people try to deny there sexual preferences or fetishes making them more predominate than they need to be.

He explained that this was a true statement for him, as he tried to control his sexual desire to be submissive only to fall deeper into the fetish admitting that he had gone as far as seeking out a dominatrix to control him and punish him.  After seeing her he felt so guilty that it sent him into a spiral of denying himself any pleasure at all, and therefore unable to even get or maintain an erection with his wife.  Thus resulting in her not being pleased by him, and her crying to him that he was not attracted to her anymore.

What a mess!!!!

In the end after several sessions with him and then some couples intimacy counseling, we were able to fix their sex life.  When his wife was able to enjoy her sessions of controlling the sex play, she found out that she enjoyed it.  She was able to tell her husband what to do and how to please her, she began to feel more comfortable with their sex life and he was able to maintain a stronger longer erection.

Sex play without intercourse to create better intimacy

Teasing and playing during sex play is often over shadowed by the end game of intercourse, making the whole experience center around the act itself.  For couples that can go beyond the boundaries of traditional sex, they can understand and enjoy the experience of sex play.  When I counsel couples often times I will have them do home assignments where they are not suppose to have intercourse and instead get to know each others bodies together on a whole different level.

This is also a great exercise for any couple that experiences erectile dysfunction or even female lack of orgasm.  Making the sex focused on the experience of touching, playing and bringing each other to orgasm without intercourse.  This allows a partner with performance anxiety to move past that and just focus on being in the moment.

After a few home assignments couples begin to create the intimacy that may have been lost and learn how to connect on a deeper level so then when they do eventually bring intercourse back into the sex then it is just be part of meal on the dinner table, but not the main course.

For more information on intimacy counseling go to www.thehappyspouse.com

Can sex get better with age?

In many cases sex can become more intimate as we get older rather then just a quick roll in the hay.  For men this becomes even more prevalent as they age and mature because their testosterone levels calm down enough for them to evaluate a potential sex partner.  Sex can also become more exploratory, and less instinctual as our brains mature with our bodies.

For most people the connection that comes with having a consistent sexual partner can be very gratifying rather then just a one night stand or sex buddy.  The intimate connection is what makes ordinary sex into extraordinary sex.  As we get older as well we get to know our bodies bodies better, this is epically true for women.  Many times a woman in her twenties does not really understand what turns her on or may have difficulty achieving orgasm.  For a younger man he may have not taken the time to learn how to enjoy a woman he is with and the sexual pleasure that comes from knowing how to please her.

The answer to the title of the article is absolutely yes, sex can and does get better with age, but many couples who have been in long term relationships also have to realize that it may take some work to get there.

Women cheat in marriage for different reasons than a man

When a women cheats in a marriage it is typically different than when a man cheats.  Men will cheat purely for sexual gratification if it comes there way, whereas a women will cheat for love and affection if it comes her way.  There are of course acceptations to all situations but for the most part the intent and motivation being the a cheating wife or a cheating husband is different.

The intimacy involved int cheating is also different just in a functional sense.  A women allows a man to enter her where as a man enters a women.  She is opening up her body, and with that there is also an emotional component to it.  Many times a woman that has been married for a while, may feel neglected and a loss of love by her husband and a man to fill that void in her life.  A married women that cheats is more likely to end the marriage than a married man that cheats. 

When she falls out of love with her husband she may feel trapped in a situation or in some instances just becomes more vulnerable and looking for a new love in her life.  Repairing a marriage after a woman cheats is also less likely to happen.  Typically her feeling in the marriage will end while she is still is married, whereas a man will end the marriage first and then get emotionally involved after the marriage is over.

My husband wants me to have sex with other men

This may be an eye opening title for many couples but there is a growing number of married couples who have ventured into the wold of cuckolding.  The term cuckold is very old and when applied to a situation it can vary between couples.  Usually it is the man who wants to have his wife involved in this type of relationship, but some of the time it is the woman.  This type of open relationship can be very exciting for some couples or for some destroy the marriage.

As a sex therapist (clinical sexologist) and relationship counselor I help people to navigate through relationship issues and come up with ways that both people can be happy in their marriage.  To partake in the cuckold relationship it is not just about the sex but more about the erotic psychological release that takes over the sexual situation.  It seems to go against our human nature to imagine our wife having sex with another man and getting enjoyment from watching it.

How does one get to the point where they find this to be an exciting part of their sex life?

Understanding why some men find the cuckolding marriage so exciting.
One running thread that I find as a therapist working with men and couples is the idea of the man pleasing his wife.  Many times the man may feel that he cannot physically please his wife because of erectile issues, penis size or the fact that he feels a lager penis is what she needs and he can't provide it.  He derives great pleasure from hearing that his wife has orgasms from this other man but she still fancies her husband as the main man she loves and adores.  One of the down falls of this set up or this type of relationship is if the wife actually starts to become emotionally connected to one of these men, then the whole idea of the husband being the man that she loves is destroyed.

In some marriage the cuckolding can be a very psychological type of sexual fetish so to speak, involving denial of the mans orgasm, punishment, and even humiliation.  When looking at the true psychology behind the sexual thrill of the cuckold experience from a man's perspective it can get quite complicated, as he delves deeper into his fantasies and fetishes.

In simplifying the nature of the relationship it is always best for the couple to set some boundaries and talk about what it may feel like to get involved in the cuckold life style.  One of the best ways to understand how it may feel or test the water, is to do simple role play just between the couple.  Acting out what it may feel like to have another person involved in the sexual act by using sex toys, videos and erotic role play is one way to test the waters without falling in head first.

For more information or questions concerning your relationship you can contact Dawn at dawnm42@gmail.com or leave your comment.

Your New Years Resolution To Bring Sexual Intimacy Back To Your Marriage

Have you lost that intimate connection with your spouse?

You can get it back with sexual intimacy counseling and so much more. Be proactive in your marriage  this year with intimacy counseling. Dawn Michael MFT clinical sexologist and relationship counselor, will give you the tools to make your sex life more passionate, sexy, fun, intimate and sensual.

Her proven techniques have helped thousands of couples to not only improve their sex lives but their marriage as well. Let's face it, sex can get boring and routine in a marriage.  Don't let another year go by in your relationship, feeling hurt, unloved or not worthy of being loved.  What is marriage without the intimacy, just two people living together, because they made the commitment to be married.  You dont have to have a relationship like that any more, Dawn has the tools for you and your spouse to make it better.

Each week Dawn gives the couple home assignments to complete, they are fun, sensual and help to bring the couple closer together.  Learn how to break the chains of silence surrounging the sex in your marriage! For more information on Sexual Intimacy counseling visit The Happy Spouse, fill out the intake form and make an appointment.  Dawn is an international counselor and can do virtual counseling through skype or local counseling in her office.

Mention that you saw the add and get 25% off the first three 50 minute appointments.

 

Get back the sexual intimacy in your relationship

Marriage is a partnership and that includes making each other happy sexually, not by having sex but by creating sexual intimacy.  Anyone can have sex or perform the act of intercourse, but sexual intimacy is another aspect that is often over looked.

 As a clinical sexologist and marriage counselor that is the area of marriage that I help couples to improve upon.  Once the sexual intimacy is brought back into the marriage, the couple will feel a renewed sense of closeness in the relationship.

Many times couples don't even realize that the intimacy is missing or perhaps they never had it to begin with.  One way that I help my clients is to begin with touching each other in an intimate non-sexual way.  This first exercise helps me as the counselor to understand where the couple is in their marriage and what needs to be the focus of healing.  Couples can speak or talk about the marriage until they are blue in the face,but the true test is can they look at each other without talking and touch each others faces in an intimate way.  Often times asking the couple to preform this simple exercise brings up emotions that they had no idea were at the core of the problems in the marriage.  Some couples when asked to do this simple exercise with their spouse found it almost impossible. 

Sexual intimacy is not based on male or female emotion, as a woman wanting it more than a man, it is a human necessity to be held, kissed, rubbed and touched in an intimate loving way.  Sexual intimacy is the foundation of making love rather than having sex.  Couples can be in a marriage for years and have sex but lack intimate sex.

How can this problem be resolved?

When I counsel couples we are active in creating a new marriage, one based on intimate exchange.  I ask them to do home assignments involving intimacy in the marriage and then we talk about it.  As the couples progress with their home assignments, they learn new aspects about each other, emotionally an physically.  They learn to communite with one another surrounding sex, and this leads to open discussion in other areas of the marriage. 

The transformation is a wonderful experience and the couples learn that sex can be fun, sexy, intimate and a wonderful part of the marriage.  As my motto goes "Everyone deserves to have a healthy sex life!", but it does take a commitment to make it work.