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As a clinical sexologist and intimacy counselor , men ask for my advice on what to do about their fetishes. About 80% of the men a... -
What is cuckolding ? The present day version on the cuckold experience is a husband and a wife that want to have a third person come...
Showing posts with label marriage advice. Show all posts
Showing posts with label marriage advice. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 27, 2018
Thursday, May 31, 2018
Negotiating Sexual Intimacy In Marriage
One of the most important things that you can do in your marriage is to negotiate sexual intimacy with your spouse. Most people don't often realize that marriage is a series of negotiations about everything, but when it comes to sexual intimacy it is a tricky subject to broach. Dr. Dawn Michael in this important video talks about what you should do to negotiate sexual intimacy in your marriage.
Order a copy of her book today! My Spouse Is Not Interested In Sex
Monday, February 29, 2016
There is an epidemic of SEXLESS MARRIAGE
The forum talks about my new book "Why Wont My Husband Have Sex With Me", bringing about topics that have been too taboo to speak about until now. We delve into men who watch pornography instead of having sex with their wives and why it can happen to anyone. As well as secret fetishes and why men cheat. Are you tired of trying to get your husband to be intimate with you, longing to have that passion back in your life? Or are you a husband struggling with how to tell your wife that you have performance issues, and each time you try to make love to her you lose your erection. These issues are more common than one may think.
Live your life with passion love and the deep intimacy of a loving marriage!
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
Can sex get better with age?
In many cases sex can become more intimate as we get older rather then just a quick roll in the hay. For men this becomes even more prevalent as they age and mature because their testosterone levels calm down enough for them to evaluate a potential sex partner. Sex can also become more exploratory, and less instinctual as our brains mature with our bodies.
For most people the connection that comes with having a consistent sexual partner can be very gratifying rather then just a one night stand or sex buddy. The intimate connection is what makes ordinary sex into extraordinary sex. As we get older as well we get to know our bodies bodies better, this is epically true for women. Many times a woman in her twenties does not really understand what turns her on or may have difficulty achieving orgasm. For a younger man he may have not taken the time to learn how to enjoy a woman he is with and the sexual pleasure that comes from knowing how to please her.
The answer to the title of the article is absolutely yes, sex can and does get better with age, but many couples who have been in long term relationships also have to realize that it may take some work to get there.
For most people the connection that comes with having a consistent sexual partner can be very gratifying rather then just a one night stand or sex buddy. The intimate connection is what makes ordinary sex into extraordinary sex. As we get older as well we get to know our bodies bodies better, this is epically true for women. Many times a woman in her twenties does not really understand what turns her on or may have difficulty achieving orgasm. For a younger man he may have not taken the time to learn how to enjoy a woman he is with and the sexual pleasure that comes from knowing how to please her.
The answer to the title of the article is absolutely yes, sex can and does get better with age, but many couples who have been in long term relationships also have to realize that it may take some work to get there.
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
Help me please Is my husband still in love with me?
My conversation with a sex therapist
Hi Dawn can you help me please, I have not had sex in three
months with my husband and the last time we did, I practically had to beg for
it. We have only been married for five
years, but after our daughter Megan was born it seemed that Tim my husband just
was not interested in having sex with me.
Our sex life was great when we first got married, but half way into my pregnancy,
I started to have problems and it affected our sex life. Then when Megan was born I did not want to
have sex for a few months but after that I slowly recovered and wanted to start
to make love again but Tim, did not seem as interested. Now a year has passed and we barely ever do
it and when we do I am the only one initiating it. I think that my husband is no longer in love
with me what can I do?
Hi Megan, I have a few questions for you, about your
husband, first have you directly asked him why he does not want to have sex
with you? Sometimes when a man has been refused
to have sex with his wife or goes through a life change such as a child, his
feelings can get hurt but he may not really understand what affect that may
have on him.
Hi Dawn, yes I did ask him and he said that he was just not
in the mood, but that he does still love me, but he does not really want to
talk about it, he seemed sad though and a little confused.
HI Megan, tell him that sexual intimacy is important and
that you love him, that you are attracted to him and that you appreciate all
that he has done for you. Tell him that
you want to work on the marriage. Do not
brush this under the carpet or let it continue, if you don’t resolve this issue
now it will become a bigger problem in your marriage later on.
Hi Dawn, I did tell him that last night and he did say that
he wants to work on the marriage, but he does not know how, or what to do. I think that you are right and that he was
hurt during the time when I refused to have sex with him, but he never really
said anything so he seemed like it was ok, but I can see where he may have felt
hurt. Thank you for your help, I will
continue to talk with him about that time and see how we can move forward.
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
A gift that a husband can enjoy long after the giving
The holidays are approaching; you’re busy buying presents
for the family, friend’s relatives, with little time at all to think about your
husband. You have been married for so
many years, and what possibly could you get him this year. The fact is you’re not entirely happy with
him or the marriage all together but you still love him and like the idea of
the “family”. Have you ever thought of giving the gift of
you? So many times couples put their
marriage on the back burner and forget that the reason they got married was to
share their lives together. On this
holiday give the gift of making your marriage matter and in doing that it will
become a gift that keeps on giving.
Many times husbands really do feel neglected by their wives sexually,
the sex gets rushed, or there is no time, it the same positions every time ect.. Working on the sexual intimacy in the
marriage is what most marriages over time begin to lack.
The first gift that you can give your husband this year is a
small box with a card that tells him the time and place that the two of you are
going to have a passionate evening together.
The second gift will be a massage candle with a note stating
an allover sensual body massage.
The third gift will be a small note telling him to write in
the blank note what he may want you to do to him on your passionate night that
you planned to together.
The fourth gift will be a calendar, where the two of you mark
down each week a date night and a night to start working on bringing the
passion back into your marriage.
These gifts can be a holiday present, a birthday gift, or an
anytime gift from you to him, letting him know that you want him, love him and
are committed to making your marriage a priority.
Monday, December 5, 2011
My penis won’t stay hard what can I do?
As a clinical sexologist I get asked this question quite often by my male clients,
The solution is not focus on the idea that the erection won’t happen, but without expectations and a change in focus it may just happen when no pressure to perform is expected. The idea that a man has to have a fully erect penis to be sexually excited is not true; a man can be very excited but have a semi erect penis. A man can also achieve an orgasm without an erection. One problem that keeps a man from loosing his erection is when his partner blames it on the fact that he is not attracted to her or is cheating on her because he is not able to keep or get an erection, and this in fact makes the situation all that more stressful.
How does a man get his erection back knowing that it is a psychological problem?
3. Another technique when in a situation with a partner is to change focus and put it on pleasing her rather then focusing on you.
4. Self stimulation, it is perfectly fine to self stimulate your penis when you want to regain your erection and it does not have to be done with your hand, it can be done by rubbing against your partner, sex toy, or the bed ect. practicing alternatives ways to self stimulate is important.
5. Use a sex toy; I recommend the Pulse 2 because you can put a flaccid penis in the toy to get an erection and use it again to maintain one.
As a clinical sexologist I get asked this question quite often by my male clients,
“I am having difficulty getting and maintaining an erection lately, what is wrong with me?"
This is no joking matter; thousands of men go through this problem at some point in their lives everyday. They may be able to get an erection or not but are not able to maintain it.
Why does this happen to so many men and how can it is fixed?
Most of the time it is psychological not medical. If a man wakes up in the morning with an erection then more likely than not it is a psychological problem, as well as if during masturbation he is also able to get an erection and maintain it.
After ruling out medical, substance abuse, prescription medication, depression, and anxiety, what is left is stress. Stress is by far the most predominant reasons why a man’s penis either won’t get hard or stay hard. The stress can appear in many different forms, from performance anxiety, to over excitement, anger or even moodiness.
The solution is not focus on the idea that the erection won’t happen, but without expectations and a change in focus it may just happen when no pressure to perform is expected. The idea that a man has to have a fully erect penis to be sexually excited is not true; a man can be very excited but have a semi erect penis. A man can also achieve an orgasm without an erection. One problem that keeps a man from loosing his erection is when his partner blames it on the fact that he is not attracted to her or is cheating on her because he is not able to keep or get an erection, and this in fact makes the situation all that more stressful.
How does a man get his erection back knowing that it is a psychological problem?
1. One of the best ways is to go back to the basics and that is learning to masturbate all over again. The reason that I say learning is that when a man ages along with his mind and body so does his sex drive. Learning how to masturbate in different ways will help to train the mind and body to have an orgasm in different sexual positions; this is also a good technique for younger men who want to be better lovers.
2. Having control over the penis is about connecting the mind to the masturbation. When a man is thinking about something sexual many times he will lose that thought and switch over unconsciously to worrying about loosing his erection and then he does lose his erection. When training oneself to have control over erection and ejaculation, the mind is trained to stay in the moment and not worry about loosing the erection.
3. Another technique when in a situation with a partner is to change focus and put it on pleasing her rather then focusing on you.
4. Self stimulation, it is perfectly fine to self stimulate your penis when you want to regain your erection and it does not have to be done with your hand, it can be done by rubbing against your partner, sex toy, or the bed ect. practicing alternatives ways to self stimulate is important.
5. Use a sex toy; I recommend the Pulse 2 because you can put a flaccid penis in the toy to get an erection and use it again to maintain one.
Monday, November 21, 2011
Marriage Survival Techniques during the Holiday Season
Holidays are the season to be happy “over come with joy”, time off of work, family time, vacations…..That all sound terrific if you are a character out of the movies, or you get to do the “It’s a wonderful Life and get the glimpse of what could have” I am not being a grinch or attempting to be negative, because I preach positive attitudes as a way of life. There is truth in learning marriage survival techniques as well, to get you through the holiday season.
The holiday season can be a tough time for many people, who are in fragile marriages, unhappy marriage, and financial stress. Surviving the holiday with a spouse that you are not happy to begin with is really what the article is intended for. Two people whom have been able to separate and tolerate each other over the year are forced now to put on a happy face for the children or extended family and spend happy holiday time together.
Marriage Survival Techniques during the holiday
3. If you are spending vacation time with your spouse and the two of you don’t get along, then change the way you act around them, and watch how they change as well.
The holiday season can be a tough time for many people, who are in fragile marriages, unhappy marriage, and financial stress. Surviving the holiday with a spouse that you are not happy to begin with is really what the article is intended for. Two people whom have been able to separate and tolerate each other over the year are forced now to put on a happy face for the children or extended family and spend happy holiday time together.
I think that part of survival is to adapt to the situation and make it better. During the holidays is not the best time to have the “I want a divorce talk”, or “if you don’t do this or that for me this holiday I am done.” It is about gong into the season with a mind set that it is not permanent, and the in-laws that may be coming over are leaving. Plan your holiday time ahead of time with the idea set in your head that you are going to make the holiday season brighter by mapping out a better life for yourself after the season is over.
1. Go into the season with a frame of mind that it is temporary and what ever needs to be fixed you are prepared for it, planning it and executing the change after the New Year.
2. Plan ahead if you know that you are going to be irritated with your spouse’s parents, plan time for you to escape or cope ahead of time.
4. Take everyday for what it is and don’t get yourself worrying about tomorrow be in the moment.
5. Look at the holiday from the half class full and be thankful for what you do have not what you don’t.
6. Do something nice for others during the holiday, it will give you something else to do and it will make you feel better.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
How to tell my wife that I want to be in a Cuckold marriage
As a clinical sexologist and intimacy counselor, men ask for my advice on what to do about their fetishes. About 80% of the men are married. for most of the men they have had the fantasy of their fetish before marrying their wife thinking that it will go away but it does not. One type of fetish that has intrigued me over the years is a man that wants his wife to cuckold him. He has recurring thoughts and fantasies of his wife having sex with other men and getting pleasure from them. The husband is usually the one who wants to get his wife involved but he does not know how to go about telling her. Once in a while I will counsel a couple who wants to explore the cuckolding together, but it is typically the man initiating this fetish. The idea of Cuckolding is that it involves another man that the husband wants his wife to have sex with in front of him or hear about it after. The husband derives much satisfaction from watching his wife get pleasure from another man that typically will have a larger than average size penis. Another aspect about cuckolding, is the husband needing to be shamed by his wife, and one way is for her to compere his penis size with the other man and let her husband know that his penis is just to small to please her.
Other forms of shaming can go along with the cuckolding as well depending on the scope of the cuckolding session. Some men like to be tied to a chair and forced to watch, and not allowed to touch themselves while the scenario is being played out in front of them. Sometimes a wife will place a cock cage or chastity belt on the husband so that he is not able to masturbate. A wife may also spank her husband as a form of deeper humiliation and domination...
The man who has this fetish, dreams about his wife sharing it with him, but for the most part most men who approach their wives with this idea do not get a positive response. It either results into a fight, hard feeling or a trial period leading to disaster. Some women may be more open to it than others, but the majority will not. Husbands have asked me as a professional about how to approach their wives with their fantasy of cuckolding, and the answer is always to have a session before hand with me to understand how to approach his wife and her possible respond. I will advise my male clients who are into the cuckolding fantasy is that they need to tell their wives slowly and see what her reaction is. Some women are more open to the idea of cuckolding than others but unless it is approached in the right manner often time it does not go well. The history of men telling me their stories before seeing me they did not approach their wives correctly and it closed the door for them altogether.
The fact is that once a man is interested in this form of a fetish it is hard to stop him from thinking about it and wanting to act on it!
To set up a counseling session with Dr. Dawn Michael go to www.thehappyspouse.com
To set up a counseling session with Dr. Dawn Michael go to www.thehappyspouse.com
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Reasons why talking about sex is so sexually charged and then considered a sin after marriage?
The reason is because as people we are teased with images, sexy shows, and of course, pornography on the Internet. Thus, many enjoy these pleasures while single, but, once married, suddenly all of those sexy images that turned us on... are now taken away. Once married the only sexy thoughts we should be having are about our spouse.Many people go so far as to say that if you look at nude images or think about another person during sex when married then that is considered cheating.
Think about how unnatural all of those statements are, and in simple terms, over time, drive many people to "cheat" by watching porn behind their spouse's back.
When people do marry it is not supposed to be the end of looking at sexy pictures or thinking sexy thoughts or even controlling or suppressing the feeling of sleeping with another person. In fact, these feelings are completely natural. What is not natural is to suppress those feeling and shame a spouse for having them.
This does not mean that because we have those thoughts that we should act on them with another person, but simply understand them as a normal part of being human. Then, we can share those thoughts in the bedroom with our spouse (role-playing, fantasy, watching adult movies, erotic novels, sex toys...etc.) This will make the sex in the marriage all that much better and help to maintain a long-term monogamous relationship.
Marriage is not about suppression of sexual desire, but expression of sexual pleasure and freedom with the person who you love. A person with whom you can feel comfortable enough to explore your sexuality and not to be judged but embraced, that is what sex should be like in every marriage.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Tantric Sex with your spouse can add more intimacy to your love life
Image via Wikipedia
One of the great’s gifts that a husband and wife can give to each other is a healthy active sex life. One of the main problems in most marriages is that the sex life gets put on the back burner or just becomes a routine where it is no longer enjoyable. When a couple can explore Tantric Sex together it will open up new possibilities to the intimacy in the marriage.
Tantric Sex can be watched on a DVD or read over in a book and then the couple can practice it with each other. A sex counselor can also guide the couple and give them information on Tantric Sex. With Tantric Sex the couple can explore new positions together and new erotic zones with the body. The other benefit of Tantric Sex includes time for the couple to slow down the love making session and get to know each other’s bodies in a new sensual way evoking unexpected passion in the bedroom.
Tantric Sex is healing for sexual tension or performance anxiety taking the pressure off of the climax and on to the enjoyment of the moment. Tantric Sex is not about reaching the end goal of orgasm but more in the prolonging of the pleasure sometimes even forgoing an orgasm to save the build up for the next love making session.
Learn more about tantric sex
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Husbands that are good lovers knows their wife’s vagina is unique to her
Image via Wikipedia
What man has not struck gold in his life when he can bring his wife to orgasm, he now has the golden tick or the secret love recipe.
The truth is that yes he may have found the sweet spot on his former girlfriend and brought her to orgasm but what he doesn’t know is that her vagina and its function is not going to be the same with his wife. Often times a man will use the same technique with his wife and find that he is not bringing her to orgasm and assume that something may be wrong with her when in fact he just needs to experiment a little more. The other factor that goes into the equation is that she may also thinks her husband’s knows what he is doing and many times will blame herself for not being able to orgasm.
We now have two people who love each other but are becoming frustrated with their sex lives. A woman’s vulva (vagina, clitoris, inner lips, and outer lips) is very different in each woman the way it looks and how she may get stimulated. Some women require more stimulation, some require less, some women like to have then entire vulva played with and others may like to focus on the clitoris and g-spot. Another point that is important is for a woman to also know about her own vagina and what feels good to her so that she can show her husband, and in the same token a husband has to be open to wanting to please his wife. The sole purpose if this article is to let a husband know that his wife may not be turned on in the same way that he may have turned pleased another woman on. This does not mean that he is not a good lover or that there is something wrong with his wife but to understand the fact that her vagina may be very different.
Oral sex is one of the most misunderstood areas of sexual stimulation from women to women. What may have brought one woman to orgasm screaming with pleasure; May actually over stimulate another women and cause her irritation or even pain. This is why for both a husband and wife understanding that different vaginas require different stimulation thorough communication and touching with one another will help to achieve better sex and better sexual intimacy in the marriage.
The solution to this problem is for a husband and wife to not assume that a past technique or experience is the answer to a woman’s orgasm but to take the time to know each woman’s vagina individually. The best way to get to know a woman vagina is to have her place her hand on her husband’s and show him what she likes, the pressure, the movement, the rhythm. The same goes for oral sex and intercourse, make it a game and ask questions, have fun with the experience and vaginal exploration. Take the time to get to know each other’s bodies, this may even be after 10 years of marriage because bodies also change with age and what may have worked 10 years ago no longer words now. Do change up the sex in marriage, don’t get into a routine, work on it and have fun with it that is the whole point of really having a great sexual experience with your spouse.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Couples using Sensate Focus too help with sexual problems in their marriage
Image via Wikipedia
Masters and Johnson introduced Sensate focus or sensate focusing as a set of specific sexual exercises for couples aimed at increasing personal and interpersonal awareness of them and their partners needs. Each person is encouraged to focus on their own sexual awareness and sensation, rather than viewing getting to the orgasm as the sole goal, thus taking the pressure off of each individual in the sexual setting.
A sex counselor, sex therapist or sex coach will usually guide the timing and technique of the sensate focus helping the couple with the step by step process, then checking in from time to time for comments and experiences.
In the first stage, Maters and Johnson recommends wearing no clothe as long as no touching of the breast and genital or reaching orgasm is taken into play (and this is fine for many couples but in my version as a sex counselor and working with couples who have not touched each other affectionately in years, I recommend them to start first with clothe on and to simply hold hands again, kiss affectionately, rub each other’s back, and hug a few times in a day for a week to get used to the intimate affection again. Once they have done this then they can start with the first phase of the Sensate Focus.) In this first step or second step for some touch each other’s bodies but no genitals including breasts. The couples are encouraged to enjoy and become increasingly aware of the texture and qualities of their partner's skin and their own reaction to how it may feel. Intercourse is not allowed at this point along with any focus on genitals. This stage of the exercise is really about the person doing the touching realizing what they may be feeling and it is not about pleasing their partner but more about just discovery.
The second stage or third depending on the first option is to increase the touching options, while still gathering information about each other’s bodies, no intercourse and touching of the genitals at this time. This is the stage where the couple uses the technique of placing their hand over their partner's hand in order to show what they find pleasurable in terms of pressure, length of time and motion. The goal in this stage is to still learn about each other’s bodies and also to lean about your on body. As a sex counselor I also recommend that each partner use masturbation if necessary before hand to figure out what they like so that they are able to show their partner, this is a big part of the learning process as well and that knows your own pleasure points and what stimulates you. For a woman who has never had an orgasm, learning to masturbate before hand by herself and bringing herself to orgasm will then give her the information about her own body to teach her partner about what she likes.
The next stage is a gradual process of genital stimulation and if the couple wants to try new experiences such as oral sex, lubrication and play around the perineum and anus area this is a good time to do that. Orgasm is never the focus in this process or any of the above exercises. Sensate Focus is also used as a tool for male and female sexual anxiety and male erectile dysfunction, performance anxiety in men, the obsession to focus on the penis can result in forms of erectile dysfunction, rapid ejaculation and anxiety. The job as a sex counselor is to encourage the man to forget about his penis, and forget about his partner's genitals, and instead concentrate on the sensual possibilities available and the experience itself without the feel of his own genitals and his partner's skin, hair, mouth, body, etc.
Contact with the penis is 'forbidden' and the only sexual contact that is 'allowed' is sessions of interaction with the partner during which only the non-penis aspects of sex are explored: Touching, talking, and kissing hugging, and so on. This includes not only touch but taste, sound and hearing, as partners are encouraged to talk to each other, to express how they feel and to encourage each other. (This is if the man has erectile dysfunction or performance anxiety) The focus is to have an appreciation of a whole new set of sensual possibilities, leading to a reduced focus on the penis and its tendency to be the male's main concern. Men often report an improvement in their sex life generally with less anxiety. As the man reports increasing awareness and attention paid to this holistic approach, the problem usually will go away with the male sexual dysfunction.
This works well for women too, not having to please their partner as the focus but to just have the focus on the moment instead of intercourse. Many women that are pre-orgasmic or have had very few orgasms with their husband during love making will be able to show their husband tools of foreplay thus allowing her mind and body to get into the mood.
The final stage is to work towards intercourse when both partners are ready and for each couple this may take a varied amount of time. In fact there are really no time limit associates or presented with these techniques, as that would place pressure on the aspect of the Sensate Focus which is counterproductive to the whole process. Some couples maneuver through this in three weeks where others it may take three months, the goal is to have a better sex life as a result of this exercise and that lasts a life time, so always keep that in mind.
A sex counselor, sex therapist or sex coach will usually guide the timing and technique of the sensate focus helping the couple with the step by step process, then checking in from time to time for comments and experiences.
In the first stage, Maters and Johnson recommends wearing no clothe as long as no touching of the breast and genital or reaching orgasm is taken into play (and this is fine for many couples but in my version as a sex counselor and working with couples who have not touched each other affectionately in years, I recommend them to start first with clothe on and to simply hold hands again, kiss affectionately, rub each other’s back, and hug a few times in a day for a week to get used to the intimate affection again. Once they have done this then they can start with the first phase of the Sensate Focus.) In this first step or second step for some touch each other’s bodies but no genitals including breasts. The couples are encouraged to enjoy and become increasingly aware of the texture and qualities of their partner's skin and their own reaction to how it may feel. Intercourse is not allowed at this point along with any focus on genitals. This stage of the exercise is really about the person doing the touching realizing what they may be feeling and it is not about pleasing their partner but more about just discovery.
The second stage or third depending on the first option is to increase the touching options, while still gathering information about each other’s bodies, no intercourse and touching of the genitals at this time. This is the stage where the couple uses the technique of placing their hand over their partner's hand in order to show what they find pleasurable in terms of pressure, length of time and motion. The goal in this stage is to still learn about each other’s bodies and also to lean about your on body. As a sex counselor I also recommend that each partner use masturbation if necessary before hand to figure out what they like so that they are able to show their partner, this is a big part of the learning process as well and that knows your own pleasure points and what stimulates you. For a woman who has never had an orgasm, learning to masturbate before hand by herself and bringing herself to orgasm will then give her the information about her own body to teach her partner about what she likes.
The next stage is a gradual process of genital stimulation and if the couple wants to try new experiences such as oral sex, lubrication and play around the perineum and anus area this is a good time to do that. Orgasm is never the focus in this process or any of the above exercises. Sensate Focus is also used as a tool for male and female sexual anxiety and male erectile dysfunction, performance anxiety in men, the obsession to focus on the penis can result in forms of erectile dysfunction, rapid ejaculation and anxiety. The job as a sex counselor is to encourage the man to forget about his penis, and forget about his partner's genitals, and instead concentrate on the sensual possibilities available and the experience itself without the feel of his own genitals and his partner's skin, hair, mouth, body, etc.
Contact with the penis is 'forbidden' and the only sexual contact that is 'allowed' is sessions of interaction with the partner during which only the non-penis aspects of sex are explored: Touching, talking, and kissing hugging, and so on. This includes not only touch but taste, sound and hearing, as partners are encouraged to talk to each other, to express how they feel and to encourage each other. (This is if the man has erectile dysfunction or performance anxiety) The focus is to have an appreciation of a whole new set of sensual possibilities, leading to a reduced focus on the penis and its tendency to be the male's main concern. Men often report an improvement in their sex life generally with less anxiety. As the man reports increasing awareness and attention paid to this holistic approach, the problem usually will go away with the male sexual dysfunction.
This works well for women too, not having to please their partner as the focus but to just have the focus on the moment instead of intercourse. Many women that are pre-orgasmic or have had very few orgasms with their husband during love making will be able to show their husband tools of foreplay thus allowing her mind and body to get into the mood.
The final stage is to work towards intercourse when both partners are ready and for each couple this may take a varied amount of time. In fact there are really no time limit associates or presented with these techniques, as that would place pressure on the aspect of the Sensate Focus which is counterproductive to the whole process. Some couples maneuver through this in three weeks where others it may take three months, the goal is to have a better sex life as a result of this exercise and that lasts a life time, so always keep that in mind.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Erectile dysfunction and rapid ejaculation
Image via Wikipedia
Erectile dysfunction is a problem that can develop as a result of performance anxiety or it can also be the initial cause then leading to performance anxiety. Many men throughout their lives may experience times of not having control over their erection, ejaculation, or fear of performance. Such isolated episodes of losing an erection do not mean that a man has a sexual dysfunction. They may occur as a result of a temporary physical stress (getting sick, too much alcohol or drug use, even overeating and rapid weight gain), or it may be relate to other problems like anxiety with a new partner, problems ejaculating to quickly, lack of confidence with sexual performance. When a man can understand that this may be normal or just has happened for a short period of time, then he can learn to overcome his anxiety.
The other problem that may occur with erectile dysfunction is when a man is anxious it can trigger the same arousal state in the brain causing a man to prematurely ejaculate even when he is not fully erect. One way to help with both of these problems is to seek help from a sex counselor that can coach a man through his negative thoughts and anxious feelings making it easier for him to be more comfortable and confident when the time does arise for sexual intimacy. These techniques can also be used with a partner and this can be a great benefit for both of the individuals in their relationship.
For help with erectile dysfunction visit Dawn
The other problem that may occur with erectile dysfunction is when a man is anxious it can trigger the same arousal state in the brain causing a man to prematurely ejaculate even when he is not fully erect. One way to help with both of these problems is to seek help from a sex counselor that can coach a man through his negative thoughts and anxious feelings making it easier for him to be more comfortable and confident when the time does arise for sexual intimacy. These techniques can also be used with a partner and this can be a great benefit for both of the individuals in their relationship.
For help with erectile dysfunction visit Dawn
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
The three silent killers that destroy marriage overtime
Image via Wikipedia
Beyond the idea of love, friendship and even sexual intimacy, (which is one part of marriage.) there are three elements in a marriage that gradually over time may become a silent killer and lead to divorce.
The reason that these three elements become a silent killer in marriage is because they happen gradually overtime and without the married couple even realizing what is happening.
They are:
1. A loss of respect for one another.
2. No longer showing appreciation towards one another.
3. Showing little to no affection towards one another in the marriage.
The problem occurs as time goes by and married couples forget to nurture their marriage. Often times one assumes that those three elements are in place: Respect, appreciation and affection but surprisingly they no longer exist in the marriage. To understand that there is a problem to begin with is the first step towards fixing it. The next step is to bring the respect back into the marriage and appreciate the little things. Make an effort to show more affection towards your spouse.
The three silent killers of marriage that may lead to divorce - Los Angeles Love and marriage Examiner.com
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Men's sexual problems after a wife's infidelity, repairing a relationship after cheating
How to repair the relationship after my wife has cheated
I was asked by one of my readers on hubpages to answer this question
How to repair the sexual relationship after your wife's infidelity.
He also stated under the question: "it feels as if she's been "contaminated" by having sex with another man. And now sex with HER it seems repulsive also whether it's true or not, it feels like you are being compared to the other man while having sex." Asked by Smitty7
How to repair the sexual relationship after your wife's infidelity
A relationship expert and clinical sexologist this question hit on such an important topic that I wanted to answer it in more depth, explaining the psychology and biology involved.
We hear about men cheating and coming back to the marriage but we do not hear quite as often about what it feels like for a man to have his wife cheat and then come back to the marriage. There is a difference in how a man will view his wife after she has cheated that will differ from how a woman may see a husband. The main difference is really coded in our DNA, how we function as a man and a woman in society.
Most woman cheat on men for different reasons than when a man cheats on a woman, I wrote an article on this very subject. Reasons Why A Woman Cheats In The Marriage
When a woman cheats
Many times when a woman cheats she is not only cheating with her body but on a deeper more intimate level where feelings are involved, psychology and biology. A woman by nature of being a woman is much more emotional than a man and therefore that is part of the reason that she gets involved to begin with, because she is looking for that emotional connection and then it becomes physical. When a woman cheats as opposed to a man "she is allowing someone else to enter into her body" that statement is very powerful.
A man is still part of his DNA, biology, meaning that he wants his woman to be his and the underling factor here is that she allowed another man to enter her body and that was sacred to him that was his woman. Smitty7 used the words "contaminated" in his question which is exactly how a man would feel towards his his wife after being with another man "contaminated". This is not an uncommon feeling for a husband that has been cheated on. For Smitty7 to have sex with his wife after she had been with another man, he now feels like she is not his anymore, another male has marked his territory, biological. He also feels emasculated, to the point where he is now in competition with this other man on a subliminal level.
What Smitty7 asked in his question also was how to repair the sexual relationship after his wife's infidelity. The cheating on her part is a result of a breakdown in her marriage that she was addressing by going outside the marriage to fill the void. Going back to my other article again on "Reasons Why A Woman Cheats In The Marriage"
Why a woman cheats in a marriage there are different reasons, but the four most common reasons are:
1. She is lonely
2. She is not longer attracted to her spouse and is looking for some excitement, has fallen out of love
3. Her husband puts her down
4. The woman who needs to escape
5. The woman was the wrong choice to begin with. (not a good person)
Without understanding why the cheating happened in the first place, to even think about having sex with his wife should be put on hold until he has worked through:
1. Why she cheated in the marriage in the first place and resolves it.
2. Has she asked for forgiveness and made it clear that she is not longer involved with that person, emotionally or physically.
3. Can he forgive her and move forward in the marriage.
Can you forgive her? The last question is really important on many levels, if a husband can resolve the first two problems with his wife and they have worked through those two very important questions, can he now forgive her? Can he still see her as his woman?
If the answer is no then the marriage will not work.
If the answer is yes then they can begin to slowly repair the trust between them.
The conclusion of this very heartfelt question is for all married couples's men and woman, before you think of cheating on your spouse, talk to a professional about your marriage. Cheating is not the answer and it truly only complicates the situation even more and brings pain to the other person. A big thank-you to Smitty7 for asking this very brave question. Comments from readers
chinemeremz
Thanks Dawn, as a single young man, I know how I feel if my girlfriend cheats, then how will it be with a cheating wife. But the reasons women cheat can be very complicated, that if you even ask her why she did it, she'll be very fast to blame the Devil. In issues of relationship, when the trusts level recedes, getting back that relationship back on course can be very difficult: almost impossible if you ask me. But thanks for your indepth analysis on this very issue, and I believe that your advise can help mend fences and rebuild trust that is very important in any relationship.
Pamela99 Dawn, I;m sure this is a hub that will help people in this situation. You really explained things very well.
De Greek
You are such a knowledgeable girl that I take my hat off to you. One aspect to consider in this case is perhaps the endangerment to the male with regard to the extension of himself through breeding. If his woman is unfaithful, there is a danger that the offspring will not be his, therefore his line will be terminated. Very primitive, animalistic stuff :-))
dawnM
Hi Chinemerema, thanks for your comment and yes women in general are more complicated than men.
Hi pamela thank-you for reading and commenting, I wanted to help this person with his problem, so thank-you for for the compliment
Hi De Greek, I am happy to hear from you and your comment, a man being married himself. Yes you brought up another biological point and that is breeding which is also coded in our DNA as you said primitive. This is not something that we can erase as a society, it is a part of being a man. What touched me the most in his question to me was he used the word contaminated and I found that to be so powerful becasue in reality that is based in the biology of a man, and a woman would not use that word if her man cheated.....just wanted to point that difference out again. thank-you for adding that other important part to my hub....
leave your comments below
How to repair the sexual relationship after your wife's infidelity.
He also stated under the question: "it feels as if she's been "contaminated" by having sex with another man. And now sex with HER it seems repulsive also whether it's true or not, it feels like you are being compared to the other man while having sex." Asked by Smitty7
How to repair the sexual relationship after your wife's infidelity
A relationship expert and clinical sexologist this question hit on such an important topic that I wanted to answer it in more depth, explaining the psychology and biology involved.
We hear about men cheating and coming back to the marriage but we do not hear quite as often about what it feels like for a man to have his wife cheat and then come back to the marriage. There is a difference in how a man will view his wife after she has cheated that will differ from how a woman may see a husband. The main difference is really coded in our DNA, how we function as a man and a woman in society.
Most woman cheat on men for different reasons than when a man cheats on a woman, I wrote an article on this very subject. Reasons Why A Woman Cheats In The Marriage
When a woman cheats
Many times when a woman cheats she is not only cheating with her body but on a deeper more intimate level where feelings are involved, psychology and biology. A woman by nature of being a woman is much more emotional than a man and therefore that is part of the reason that she gets involved to begin with, because she is looking for that emotional connection and then it becomes physical. When a woman cheats as opposed to a man "she is allowing someone else to enter into her body" that statement is very powerful.
A man is still part of his DNA, biology, meaning that he wants his woman to be his and the underling factor here is that she allowed another man to enter her body and that was sacred to him that was his woman. Smitty7 used the words "contaminated" in his question which is exactly how a man would feel towards his his wife after being with another man "contaminated". This is not an uncommon feeling for a husband that has been cheated on. For Smitty7 to have sex with his wife after she had been with another man, he now feels like she is not his anymore, another male has marked his territory, biological. He also feels emasculated, to the point where he is now in competition with this other man on a subliminal level.
What Smitty7 asked in his question also was how to repair the sexual relationship after his wife's infidelity. The cheating on her part is a result of a breakdown in her marriage that she was addressing by going outside the marriage to fill the void. Going back to my other article again on "Reasons Why A Woman Cheats In The Marriage"
Why a woman cheats in a marriage there are different reasons, but the four most common reasons are:
1. She is lonely
2. She is not longer attracted to her spouse and is looking for some excitement, has fallen out of love
3. Her husband puts her down
4. The woman who needs to escape
5. The woman was the wrong choice to begin with. (not a good person)
Without understanding why the cheating happened in the first place, to even think about having sex with his wife should be put on hold until he has worked through:
1. Why she cheated in the marriage in the first place and resolves it.
2. Has she asked for forgiveness and made it clear that she is not longer involved with that person, emotionally or physically.
3. Can he forgive her and move forward in the marriage.
Can you forgive her? The last question is really important on many levels, if a husband can resolve the first two problems with his wife and they have worked through those two very important questions, can he now forgive her? Can he still see her as his woman?
If the answer is no then the marriage will not work.
If the answer is yes then they can begin to slowly repair the trust between them.
The conclusion of this very heartfelt question is for all married couples's men and woman, before you think of cheating on your spouse, talk to a professional about your marriage. Cheating is not the answer and it truly only complicates the situation even more and brings pain to the other person. A big thank-you to Smitty7 for asking this very brave question. Comments from readers
chinemeremz
Thanks Dawn, as a single young man, I know how I feel if my girlfriend cheats, then how will it be with a cheating wife. But the reasons women cheat can be very complicated, that if you even ask her why she did it, she'll be very fast to blame the Devil. In issues of relationship, when the trusts level recedes, getting back that relationship back on course can be very difficult: almost impossible if you ask me. But thanks for your indepth analysis on this very issue, and I believe that your advise can help mend fences and rebuild trust that is very important in any relationship.
Pamela99 Dawn, I;m sure this is a hub that will help people in this situation. You really explained things very well.
De Greek
You are such a knowledgeable girl that I take my hat off to you. One aspect to consider in this case is perhaps the endangerment to the male with regard to the extension of himself through breeding. If his woman is unfaithful, there is a danger that the offspring will not be his, therefore his line will be terminated. Very primitive, animalistic stuff :-))
dawnM
Hi Chinemerema, thanks for your comment and yes women in general are more complicated than men.
Hi pamela thank-you for reading and commenting, I wanted to help this person with his problem, so thank-you for for the compliment
Hi De Greek, I am happy to hear from you and your comment, a man being married himself. Yes you brought up another biological point and that is breeding which is also coded in our DNA as you said primitive. This is not something that we can erase as a society, it is a part of being a man. What touched me the most in his question to me was he used the word contaminated and I found that to be so powerful becasue in reality that is based in the biology of a man, and a woman would not use that word if her man cheated.....just wanted to point that difference out again. thank-you for adding that other important part to my hub....
leave your comments below
Friday, September 10, 2010
How do I tell my wife that she is not pleasing me in bed?
What should a man do who is not satisfied with his sex life still loves his wife, doesn’t want to get a divorce but is thinking about having an affair. A husband needs to talk to his wife. This may seem like an obvious answer, but how does a man go about telling his wife that she just is not satisfying him sexually?
The reality of the situation is that many times she is not happy with the sex either. The best way to go about talking about sex with your spouse is to not do it in the bed room but when the two of you have some quite time alone. This way she is not put on the defensive and it is an open and positive discussion. You can even start off by asking her what she likes and what she may not like. Then the two of you can take turns going back and forth. If your wife is shy then ease her into the questioning and make it a few questions at a time within the week. Give her some time to think about it, if she needs it. When the two of you are ready then take it to the bedroom.
Continue to talk about sex while getting intimate with each other, asking if what you are doing feels good to her. Continue to take it slow and check in with each other and make sure that you are both comfortable with what is happening. This may take a few tries to get it right, but at least it will begin to open up the communication between you and your spouse regarding sex. A great way to break the ice is to buy a sexy game, like truth or dare, poker, there are many sex games available.
Many times couples will have fantasies that they can share with each other, and act out. Some couples can buy books on different sexual positions, or try lubricants, massage oils or sex toys. The possibilities are endless when two people can feel comfortable and talk openly about sex with each other. For couples who just need a little guidance, talk to a sex therapist who is trained in clinical sexology they can help to open up the communications, make suggestions and home assignments for the couple to do together. Feeling good about your sex life in marriage and pleasing each other will strengthen the bond between husband and wife!
The reality of the situation is that many times she is not happy with the sex either. The best way to go about talking about sex with your spouse is to not do it in the bed room but when the two of you have some quite time alone. This way she is not put on the defensive and it is an open and positive discussion. You can even start off by asking her what she likes and what she may not like. Then the two of you can take turns going back and forth. If your wife is shy then ease her into the questioning and make it a few questions at a time within the week. Give her some time to think about it, if she needs it. When the two of you are ready then take it to the bedroom.
Continue to talk about sex while getting intimate with each other, asking if what you are doing feels good to her. Continue to take it slow and check in with each other and make sure that you are both comfortable with what is happening. This may take a few tries to get it right, but at least it will begin to open up the communication between you and your spouse regarding sex. A great way to break the ice is to buy a sexy game, like truth or dare, poker, there are many sex games available.Many times couples will have fantasies that they can share with each other, and act out. Some couples can buy books on different sexual positions, or try lubricants, massage oils or sex toys. The possibilities are endless when two people can feel comfortable and talk openly about sex with each other. For couples who just need a little guidance, talk to a sex therapist who is trained in clinical sexology they can help to open up the communications, make suggestions and home assignments for the couple to do together. Feeling good about your sex life in marriage and pleasing each other will strengthen the bond between husband and wife!
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