Dr. Dawn Michael clinical sexologist and intimacy counselor will dish out the facts on what you need to know about sex.
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Sexual compatibility test and score
Scroll down to get the score to your test after taking it! The Ten Questions
Ten question test to determine if you and your spouse are sexually compatible.
1. Do you like the way that your spouse kisses?
2. Does your spouse bring you to climax or orgasm?
3. Do you think about your spouse when you are making love to him/her?
4. Do you like the way your spouse smells? 5. Are you still attracted to your spouse, do you like the way they look?
6. Does your spouse know your true fantasies?
7. Do you like the way your spouse’s voice sounds?
8. Does your spouse touch you the way you like?
9. Do you have open communication when it comes to sex? 10. Do you desire your spouse?
Answers to your questions
Do you like the way that your spouse kisses?
The way you and your spouse kiss is very important and it should be one of the qualities about them that you enjoy! When couples exchange passionate kisses the saliva contains hormones that produce feeling of desire. Kissing outside the bedroom is as important as inside the bedroom. Kissing is an art and can be adjusted if not done the way you like experiment with different ways of kissing. Long passionate kisses, sexy kisses, biting each others lips softly.....experiment until you get it right!
2 points if you put yes
1 point if you put sometimes
0 if you put never
Does your spouse bring you to climax or orgasm?
This is very important in a marriage and that is being able to bring pleasure to one another through climax. The fact is if you don’t have this with your spouse that does not necessarily mean that you are not compatible, it means that the two of you have some couples works to do in the bedroom. Once the two of you can learn to please each other the sexual part of the marriage and the overall marriage will improve! Knowing how to pleasure your spouse and bring them to climax with strengthen the bond of the marriage and make sex all that much more enjoyable for both of you. When a person is able to have an orgasm with their spouse it releases powerful hormones, that create closeness and bonding. If you answered no, don’t throw in the towel yet get some help first!
2 points if yes
1 point if sometimes
0 points if never
Do you think about your spouse when you are making love to them?
This is a fun question and the answer is that you probably will have times when you are not thinking about your spouse while having sex with them and this is alright, but not all of the time. The real test is the times that you do think about them and are present in the love making session with them, mind, body and soul that counts. When thinking about them during sexual intercourse does it turn you on or off? If it turns you off then, you may not be compatible with them, or you may need to work on the communication in the marriage. There should be times when you make love with your spouse you are focused on them and they are the one who are turning you on.
2 points of yes
2 point if most of the time
1 point if sometimes
0 points if never
Do you like the way your spouse smells?
Believe it or not smell is important, and our body chemistry can change as we get older, what we may eat or not, and if we gain weight. Smell is one of the hidden senses that may have been part of the attraction to your spouse to begin with called pheromones. When a couple truly loves the way that their partner smells it is a big turn on sexually, of course if a partner hates how the other person smells it can also be a huge turn off. The way to really understand if a couple is attracted to each other’s natural pheromones is to remember when you first met and if the way they smelled then was attractive or not? Diet can play a very big role in the way a person smells, and excessive weight can change the entire chemistry make-up of the body. Certain vitamins and even fish oil can change the smell of woman's vaginal secretions as well as body odor. Take the time to understand the smell of your partner and see if diet changes and weight loss will help to bring back the natural smell of them that you first fell in love with. The fact is that biology plays a big role in this as humans women have a stronger sense of smell when it comes to picking a mate, if your smell is what attracted her to you, then it can come back with exercise and eating healthy.
2 points yes his natural scent turns me on
1 point it is neither a turn on or turn off
0 not it does not turn me on.
-1 his or her smell turns me off!
Are you physically attracted to your spouse?
Both men and women can be visual, more so a man than a woman but it can go both ways. When we marry our spouse there is usually attraction visually to begin with and chemistry to go along with it. The reason that chemistry is grouped with looks is that it goes together many times; a person can have a certain look that attracts that person to them and creates a feeling inside just by looking at them. As we grow older and even put on weight, the chemistry may still be there and the couple can still have attraction to one another and the looks may not be that important. The other may happen as well, the one look that created that chemistry may be gone and that person is just no longer attracted to their spouse. What do you do in this case? Sometimes a healthy life style can bring back that chemistry and sometimes it can’t. This is a negative check on the sexual compatibility test, if these feeling are gone; it’s hard to have great sex with someone that you are just not attracted to at all.
2 points for yes
1 point or yes if they lost weight or took better care of themselves
-1 point for not at all anymore
0 points for not that important
Does your spouse know your true fantasies?
Does your spouse know what your true sexual fantasies really are? Have you shared them with your spouse? Many couples will not share their fantasies with their spouse and this is not going to be productive in love making. A spouse should know what you like and see if they want to take part in your fantasy or not. As years go by in a marriage, not being able to share fantasies can frustrate a person in the bedroom and they may seek another person outside of the marriage to fulfill their fantasies. Have you shared your fantasy with your spouse? How will you know if the two of you are truly sexually compatible if you haven’t?
2 points yes we do share our sexual fantasies with each other.
1 Sometimes we do
1 I want to work on it in the marriage, I am open to trying
0 No we never do
Do you like the way your spouse’s voice sounds?
Does the sound of their voice turn you on or completely irritate you? The sound of a male or female voice should be appealing to their partner. Many women will find a man’s voice sexy and will want to hear them talk to them in the bedroom. This can work for a man as well if he finds his wife’s voice sexy or the sounds that she makes during love making. This is not necessarily a deal breaker but it is a plus if you do find your spouse’s voice sexy. If it just completely irritates you then you may need to think about what other problems may be going on in the marriage.
2 points very sexy
1 point I like their voice
-1 I find their voice irritating
Does your spouse touch you the way you like?
Does their touch excite you, is the pressure good, is it enough, in the right places, these are all very important parts of the sexual life of the couple. A spouse’s touch should bring pleasure, not pain and not disgust. Couples can work on touch through counseling and sensate focus techniques; it is possible to learn to touch your spouse in a pleasing way. If a spouses touch disgusts you or upsets you then there is a bigger problem going on in the marriage. This may be a big red flag for sexual incapability or unresolved anger issues with the spouse.
2 points yes I like their touch
1 point I like their touch but we can work on it
0 points no I dont really care
-1 point I dont like the way they touch me at all
Do you have open communication when it comes to sex?
Are you and your spouse able to talk about sex in your marriage, what are your likes and dislikes, how often do you and your spouse want to have sex. If you don’t want to have sex what do you tell your spouse, how do you say it to them. Are feelings getting hurt concerning sex? Are you continually turning a spouse away? Communication surrounding a couple’s sex life is paramount in a marriage and if you are not able to be open and honest with your spouse then this could lead to some very deep a hurtful feelings in the marriage. If you are not able to talk about sex with your spouse then your marriage could be in danger! Get help for this one, the issues can be resolved in many cases.
2 points yes we communicate about sex.
1 point we cometimes do
0 points we never talk about sex
Do you desire your spouse?
Do you still think that your spouse is sexy, do you ever look at them across the room and desire them, want them, have sexual urges towards them? This is so important for both a man and women. Part of desire is passion that you still have inside of you and desire that you still have for them. Has your mind and body become numb to passion and desire? If so and it is you then go see a doctor especially for women and get your hormones checked, or for a man physical fitness and health can play a huge role in lack of desire, also for both men and women it can be depression. The truth is in a marriage from time to time you should still be able to have those feelings of desire for your spouse and if you don’t, then action needs to be taken immediately. Having passion and desire for your spouse will increase sexual pleasure. This can be a sign of not having sexual capability with your spouse if those feeling were never there to begin with.
2 points yes I desire my spouse
1 point sometime I do but we can still work on it
0 I have no desire for my spouse
What was your score?
20-18 points you and your spouse have great compatibility!
17-15 points you and your spouse are compatible, but can add a little more spice to your love making.
14-10 It looks like you are still compatible but if you don't put the energy into the sex in the marriage you may be heading down the road of a sexless marriage.
9-5 Get help now for your marriage or if you are not married then think twice about getting married, there may be some serious problems down the road.
4 and below, you and your spouse are not compatible and it seems like the marriage may be over, you may want to think about divorce.