Monday, January 3, 2011

How to solve sexual problems in marriage

Marriage and Sex
For many couples at one point or another in their marriage they are going to experience some form of sexual problem or dissatisfaction.

This may take place shortly after the couple is married, after a child is born, from an illness, hormonal issues, lack of libido, or one partner just does not want to have sex. Solving sexual problems in a marriage can range from complex to quite simple.

How to resolve sexual problems in a marriage

The best way to resolve sexual problems in the marriage is to start with each spouse being honest and upfront with one another about how they feel. A good healthy sex life is one that both couples are happy with, that is what defines a good healthy sex life. Couples that are married, if they enjoy sex with their spouse, are healthy, active individuals, sex can be enjoyed several times a week if not every day. It really depends on the couple.

When trying to resolve a set amount of time for sex in the marriage sometimes it is best to come up with an agreement between husband and wife on what both feels comfortable with one another. The sex does not always have to involve intercourse; it can be just be pleasing one another through other forms of intimacy. This is important to understand, and that is intimacy and pleasing a spouse can be done in many different ways, hands, mouth, massage ect.

Once children become a part of the marriage, couples have to set time aside for themselves and their intimate lives, this may not sound so romantic or spontaneous, but if the couple does not make time for the sex in the marriage, they may end up not having one!

Having children can change the sex life in a marriage

Having children can be the most wonderful experience in a marriage, and also a time of adjustment in the marriage as well. The couple now is no longer just two, they share each other with the child but still have to make time for the marriage. The couples sex life will also change when a child is born.

A woman who is a new mom is going to need time to adjust to the situation and learn how to balance out her time between her husband and child. This is also the time when a husband needs to give his wife the support and time to do this and not approach her with sex until she is ready.

As a marriage and sex counselor I am very tough on many women about being intimate with their husbands and how important it is, and I am equally tough on the husbands who do not give their wives times to heal from pregnancy. Many husbands think that when the OBGYN has given their wife the green light that it is time to be sexual with their wife again. This is not the decision of the OBGYN but the woman herself and how she may feel.

Mom holds baby Lilyth 2Image by biblicone via Flickr
After three months, most woman should be more than ready to be sexual with their husbands, after three months if a woman is not wanting to be intimate with her husband, then she does need to get her hormones checked. Three months is more than enough time for a women with a normal pregnancy to heal and adjust.

A woman may also experience times when she really wants sex and other times when she can’t even think about it. Many times when a new mom is nursing her child she will experience difficulties wanting to be sexually active with her husband. If this situation goes on for too long and a woman has not found other ways to please her husband within that year period, a high incidence of infidelity can take place on many husbands parts, it just a fact (not all husbands but many will venture out after a year of no sex).

All of this can have a negative impact on the couple’s sex life and needs to be addressed. Seeking medical advice first to understand if there is a medical condition is the first step . For many women hormones can have a direct affect on ones libido and some hormone replacement or a good exercise routine can help to level out the hormones. There are also creams that women can use and lubricants for vaginal dryness.
The best advice when trying to solve sexual problems in a marriage is if one spouse is unwilling to talk about it or deal with the situation the other spouse has to talk to a professional about it. One person thorough technique and proper understanding can have the power to change the dynamics in the marriage.

Lack of sex, unfulfilled sex, not getting your needs met, having no intimacy can be a life of misery for many individuals in a marriage and it doesn’t have to be this way and shouldn’t have to be this way. Marriage can work once the problem is understood and finding the right person to help the couple work to become intimate again will help to save many marriages.
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