My penis won’t stay hard what can I do?



As a clinical sexologist I get asked this question quite often by my male clients,

“I am having difficulty getting and maintaining an erection lately, what is wrong with me?"

This is no joking matter;  thousands of men go through this problem at some point in their lives everyday. They may be able to get an erection or not but are not able to maintain it.

Why does this happen to so many men and how can it is fixed?

Most of the time it is psychological not medical. If a man wakes up in the morning with an erection then more likely than not it is a psychological problem, as well as if during masturbation he is also able to get an erection and maintain it.

After ruling out medical, substance abuse, prescription medication, depression, and anxiety, what is left is stress.  Stress is by far the most predominant reasons why a man’s penis either won’t get hard or stay hard. The stress can appear in many different forms, from performance anxiety, to over excitement,  anger or even moodiness. 

The solution is not focus on the idea that the erection won’t happen, but without expectations and a change in focus it may just happen when no pressure to perform is expected. The idea that a man has to have a fully erect penis to be sexually excited is not true; a man can be very excited but have a semi erect penis. A man can also achieve an orgasm without an erection.  One problem that keeps a man from loosing his erection is when his partner blames it on the fact that he is not attracted to her or is cheating on her because he is not able to keep or get an erection, and this in fact makes the situation all that more stressful. 

How does a man get his erection back knowing that it is a psychological problem?

1.  One of the best ways is to go back to the basics and that is learning to masturbate all over again. The reason that I say learning is that when a man ages along with his mind and body so does his sex drive. Learning how to masturbate in different ways will help to train the mind and body to have an orgasm in different sexual positions; this is also a good technique for younger men who want to be better lovers.

2.  Having control over the penis is about connecting the mind to the masturbation. When a man is thinking about something sexual many times he will lose that thought and switch over unconsciously to worrying about loosing his erection and then he does lose his erection. When training oneself to have control over erection and ejaculation, the mind is trained to stay in the moment and not worry about loosing the erection.

3. Another technique when in a situation with a partner is to change focus and put it on pleasing her rather then focusing on you.

4.  Self stimulation, it is perfectly fine to self stimulate your penis when you want to regain your erection and it does not have to be done with your hand, it can be done by rubbing against your partner, sex toy, or the bed ect.  practicing alternatives ways to self stimulate is important.

5. Use a sex toy; I recommend the Pulse 2 because you can put a flaccid penis in the toy to get an erection and use it again to maintain one.

When a man has lost his erection and does not know what to do?

As a Sex Therapist one of the most common asked questions is what to do when a man has suddenly lost an erection or that their penis is not functioning as it was before.

Having lost control of an erection is more common than most people think and can happen to any man in his life.  Many times it will come down to performance anxiety and stress in life which is an ever growing problem.  The way that a man deals with it is going to determine of it will become a continuing problem or something that can be resolved easily.

The first question that I ask my male clients is if they have had a Physical and clean bill of health. 

When a man wakes up in the moring he should have an erection, not because he is sexual but because it means that the blood flow is working and his testosterone levels are high enough to maintain an erection. 

If a man should have circulation problems with his heart he many not wake up with an erection and should go to the doctor.  The other problem that can occure is problem's with the prostate, having an enlarged prostate can put presser on the flow of blood and cause problems with maintaining an erection and the amount of seminal fluid that is released.

If my client has no medical condition then then we move onto trying a few products that improve blood flow to the penis at a rapid rate, I recommend a few products that I would like the men to try first.

Prosolution is a great gel that a man can put on for blood flow to go to the penis and help with a stronger erection and it helps with rapid ejaculation.

If the gel does not work then I recommend sex therapy and coaching to get the mind where it needs to be and learn to build and maintain an erection.  If the problem is rapid ejaculation then I would recommend a series of exercises that can help with it along with the gel. 

For help with erection problems contact Dawn Michael for an appointment or call (805) 732-7847
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