Monday, December 5, 2011

My penis won’t stay hard what can I do?



As a clinical sexologist I get asked this question quite often by my male clients,

“I am having difficulty getting and maintaining an erection lately, what is wrong with me?"

This is no joking matter;  thousands of men go through this problem at some point in their lives everyday. They may be able to get an erection or not but are not able to maintain it.

Why does this happen to so many men and how can it is fixed?

Most of the time it is psychological not medical. If a man wakes up in the morning with an erection then more likely than not it is a psychological problem, as well as if during masturbation he is also able to get an erection and maintain it.

After ruling out medical, substance abuse, prescription medication, depression, and anxiety, what is left is stress.  Stress is by far the most predominant reasons why a man’s penis either won’t get hard or stay hard. The stress can appear in many different forms, from performance anxiety, to over excitement,  anger or even moodiness. 

The solution is not focus on the idea that the erection won’t happen, but without expectations and a change in focus it may just happen when no pressure to perform is expected. The idea that a man has to have a fully erect penis to be sexually excited is not true; a man can be very excited but have a semi erect penis. A man can also achieve an orgasm without an erection.  One problem that keeps a man from loosing his erection is when his partner blames it on the fact that he is not attracted to her or is cheating on her because he is not able to keep or get an erection, and this in fact makes the situation all that more stressful. 

How does a man get his erection back knowing that it is a psychological problem?

1.  One of the best ways is to go back to the basics and that is learning to masturbate all over again. The reason that I say learning is that when a man ages along with his mind and body so does his sex drive. Learning how to masturbate in different ways will help to train the mind and body to have an orgasm in different sexual positions; this is also a good technique for younger men who want to be better lovers.

2.  Having control over the penis is about connecting the mind to the masturbation. When a man is thinking about something sexual many times he will lose that thought and switch over unconsciously to worrying about loosing his erection and then he does lose his erection. When training oneself to have control over erection and ejaculation, the mind is trained to stay in the moment and not worry about loosing the erection.

3. Another technique when in a situation with a partner is to change focus and put it on pleasing her rather then focusing on you.

4.  Self stimulation, it is perfectly fine to self stimulate your penis when you want to regain your erection and it does not have to be done with your hand, it can be done by rubbing against your partner, sex toy, or the bed ect.  practicing alternatives ways to self stimulate is important.

5. Use a sex toy; I recommend the Pulse 2 because you can put a flaccid penis in the toy to get an erection and use it again to maintain one.

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