Starting the New Year off with a Sexual Bang



What promises did you make this year as to loosing weight, having better sex, communicating more with your spouse?

The fact is that starting the New Year off with a sexual bang can be one place where most will just skip over. I have heard very few people say that this New Years resolution they will have a better sex life.

Why not include better sex in your New Years resolution, it feels great, makes a relationship stronger and releases hormones that relive pain and depression. Great sex can make for a great year!

3 steps towards having great sex this year and starting it off with a sexual bang

1. Hit the gym, get your butt off of the couch and start to move. The best way to jump start your new sex life is to get the body moving. Exercise of any form can make sex all that much better. The other benefit is you feel better about yourself. A strong healthy body is attractive. This applies to not only single folk but married couples as well.

2. Make it a point to masturbate…masturbation helps relieve stress and can jump start the body into a sexual mode. Especially when it comes to women, masturbation will help to strengthen the pc muscles along with improving sexual desire. Get to know your body all over again. Masturbation is one gift that the body keeps on giving, of course that would be an orgasm.

3. If you are in a relationship, try new positions, sex toys, erotic movies or literate, role play, get adventurous. If all else fails call a sex therapist like me to coach you into better sex. Communication is a big part of sex as well, being able to communicate with one another openly is a great way to break the ice and have some sexual fun.

Related articles

• Tantric sex practice can enhance the sexual intimacy between couples (thehappyspouse.blogspot.com)
• Women and Orgasm: Reasons why some women can't achieve orgasm during sex (thehappyspouse.blogspot.com)
• Techniques for Having Longer Harder Erections (thehappyspouse.blogspot.com)
• Talk Dirty to Your Spouse (thehappyspouse.blogspot.com)

My penis won’t stay hard what can I do?



As a clinical sexologist I get asked this question quite often by my male clients,

“I am having difficulty getting and maintaining an erection lately, what is wrong with me?"

This is no joking matter;  thousands of men go through this problem at some point in their lives everyday. They may be able to get an erection or not but are not able to maintain it.

Why does this happen to so many men and how can it is fixed?

Most of the time it is psychological not medical. If a man wakes up in the morning with an erection then more likely than not it is a psychological problem, as well as if during masturbation he is also able to get an erection and maintain it.

After ruling out medical, substance abuse, prescription medication, depression, and anxiety, what is left is stress.  Stress is by far the most predominant reasons why a man’s penis either won’t get hard or stay hard. The stress can appear in many different forms, from performance anxiety, to over excitement,  anger or even moodiness. 

The solution is not focus on the idea that the erection won’t happen, but without expectations and a change in focus it may just happen when no pressure to perform is expected. The idea that a man has to have a fully erect penis to be sexually excited is not true; a man can be very excited but have a semi erect penis. A man can also achieve an orgasm without an erection.  One problem that keeps a man from loosing his erection is when his partner blames it on the fact that he is not attracted to her or is cheating on her because he is not able to keep or get an erection, and this in fact makes the situation all that more stressful. 

How does a man get his erection back knowing that it is a psychological problem?

1.  One of the best ways is to go back to the basics and that is learning to masturbate all over again. The reason that I say learning is that when a man ages along with his mind and body so does his sex drive. Learning how to masturbate in different ways will help to train the mind and body to have an orgasm in different sexual positions; this is also a good technique for younger men who want to be better lovers.

2.  Having control over the penis is about connecting the mind to the masturbation. When a man is thinking about something sexual many times he will lose that thought and switch over unconsciously to worrying about loosing his erection and then he does lose his erection. When training oneself to have control over erection and ejaculation, the mind is trained to stay in the moment and not worry about loosing the erection.

3. Another technique when in a situation with a partner is to change focus and put it on pleasing her rather then focusing on you.

4.  Self stimulation, it is perfectly fine to self stimulate your penis when you want to regain your erection and it does not have to be done with your hand, it can be done by rubbing against your partner, sex toy, or the bed ect.  practicing alternatives ways to self stimulate is important.

5. Use a sex toy; I recommend the Pulse 2 because you can put a flaccid penis in the toy to get an erection and use it again to maintain one.

Now there is help for rapid ejaculation

As a sex therapist I have helped many men with problems concerning holding their erections for longer periods of time. Some men may experience rapid ejaculation or problems with erection. Then there are other men who want to learn how to keep an erection for longer periods of time.

Five solutions for rapid ejaculation

Image via WikipediaThis can be an on going problem for a man or something that has happened a few times but it is now causing him anxiety.

1. Practice makes perfect and I will say this to every man that I help. Masturbation is one of the ways to train the mind and body to work together. Practice holding techniques and mind control, these are two very powerful solutions for rapid ejaculation.

2. Masturbate before going out on a date or even in the bathroom an hour before intercourse, this will help a man to have more control.

3. Use a good male enhancement product like Maxoderm while practicing masturbation, this may help with sensitivity and have the blood fill the penis for a fuller erection. A condom also helps to reduce sensitivity in the head of the penis.

4. Train your brain!! Think of things that turn you on but also that you can control like images or sexy thoughts. Don’t replace positive thoughts with negative thoughts that is  a bad technique, just be aware of your thoughts, using them enough to know what will trigger an orgasm. Many times men are not always aware of what they are thinking about during the moment, be aware of your thoughts.

5. Train your penis: Use the hold technique and stop touching the head of the penis when you think it is time to cum. Navigate your way around your penis, and figure out what is sensitive and what is not as sensitive. Before ejaculation, slow down your mind and body by breathing, slow down your breathing.

For men that don’t have rapid ejaculation problems and just want to learn to hold their orgasm longer then you can apply the same techniques above. Mind over body and practice are the two most important aspects in maintaining a stronger and longer erection. The third is learning how to slow down the breath, breathing helps to relax the mind, yoga is excellent for this as well as meditation techniques.

For more information on sex therapy with dawn go to http://www.thehappyspouse.com/ to order Maxoderm click on advertisement below.

Related articles

• "Size Matters" Book Review by Sex Therapist Dawn Michael (thehappyspouse.blogspot.com)
• Women and Orgasm: Reasons why some women can't achieve orgasm during sex (thehappyspouse.blogspot.com)
• Understanding your sexual pattern before marriage (thehappyspouse.blogspot.com)
• Having regular orgasms can help with depression and better health (thehappyspouse.blogspot.com)

Understanding your sexual pattern before marriage

Sex is great because the relationship is new and exciting, the sexual pattern that they once had is now gone, or so they think!

Some individuals go into marriage thinking that their past sexual pattern or way of having sex somehow vanishes, that is because the sex is new and fun in the relationship  and that the past sexual pattern will not matter, but it does.  As we mature and stay with one sexual partner, or continue the same masturbation routine, it can become a sexual pattern that a person is not aware of.  For some this pattern may become boring to a partner or eventually stops working all together.

The most common scenario is that you are afraid to tell your spouse and eventually go behind their backs to fill the sexual desires with another person or on line pornography.  More often than not the latter happens in a marriage and the sexual pattern reveals itself after years of sex that is unfulfilling and unsatisfying. 

What is a sexual pattern?

This is the way a person goes about sexual pleasure in their lives and believe it or not most people have a certain way that they masturbate themselves to orgasm or a particular position in sex that brings them to climax.  The pattern can begin very early in life when a person first starts to masturbate.  Masturbation for a man will take on a particular rhythm and way that he brings himself to climax.  In some cases this will carry over to sex with a partner and he will get into the sexual position that he masturbates to.  With some men that sexual pattern can involve certain thoughts or even sexual fetishes.

 With a woman it may vary a little more but still her way of climaxing is usually when she can achieve that first orgasm and she knows that she can have it that way every time.  Women are more apt to using sex toys than men and in that sense she can change it up a bit with a new toy.  For women who climax in a certain sexual position she will most likely go back to that position with her partner each time to climax unless they can bring some sex play into the relationship and experiment with new techniques.

When this sexual pattern can be shared with a partner then the couple can explore the pattern together and come up with new ideas, positions ways of climaxing and so forth.  If the couple does not eventually share that sexual pattern or sexual prefers with a partner or try and explore new ways of bringing each other to orgasm the sex can get very boring.

One example of a sexual pattern that many of my male clients present in counseling.  Is there a "cure" claiming that they have a” sex addiction” but in reality it is just a sexual pattern, that they start to do when sex with their spouse becomes boring or non-existent.  The man after years of marriage or shortly after marriage, begins to sneak off to watch pron and can’t tell his wife about it.  The first thing I ask most men is “Was the pornography in your life before your spouse, or was that type of pornography that you watch a fantasy of yours before you met your spouse that you have not played out in your married” Often times the men will answer yes, that it was a part of their “sexual pattern” before marriage.  They just forgot to share that detail with their "spouse to be" and now have to sneak around to watch it, or if they get caught all of a sudden they now have a "porn addiction."

This is why talking about and understanding ones sexual pattern before marriage is so important, so that a person can share it with their "spouse to be" instead of having to hide it.

The shocking facts on masturbation in marriage on The Happy Spouse Adult Show

When a person gets married does it mean that they are no longer suppose to masturbate or if they do, should it be kept a secret from their spouse?

These are a few of the questions that many people ask me as a sex counselor and marriage counselor. In fact these are the most commonly asked questions but not necessary the ones that people really want to know, those question are the ones we will be talking about. This week on The Happy Spouse Adult Show on blogtalkradio we will be openly talking about masturbation in marriage the good, the bad and the addicted.

The topics that will be discussed are:

Male masturbation through on line pornography sites, is it alright or out of control?

Masturbation to achieve orgasm.

Masturbation because of sexless marriage.

Different and unconventional ways that people masturbate (this you don’t want to miss).

Fears surrounding masturbation.

Couples masturbating together.

The positive aspects of masturbation in marriage.

The negative aspect of masturbation in marriage.

Sex products used for masturbation, dolls, vagina and ass, stokers, vibrators, and more.

For questions that you may want answered on the live show e-mail to dawn@thehappyspouse.com or tune in this Thursday March 17th at noon standard pacific time to blogtalkradio and call in with your questions 1 (805) 285-9800 or call in through Skype.

Have a happy day from your L.A sex counselor and marriage counselor Dawn Michael visits me at The Happy Spouse. For appointments with Dawn Michael go to http://www.thehappyspouse.com/

For Adult Lubrication and Sex Toys

Related articles

• How to solve sexual problems in marriage (thehappyspouse.blogspot.com)
• Why a marriage counselor would have a specialty in sexology (thehappyspouse.blogspot.com)
• What to do when a husband is no longer interested in having sex with his wife (thehappyspouse.blogspot.com)
• When did the idea of self pleasure become a sin? (thehappyspouse.blogspot.com)
• Sexless marriage poll, how do you do? (thehappyspouse.blogspot.com)

When did the idea of self pleasure become a sin?

The topic of self pleasure has caused a mind blowing amount of negative connotation, throughout the centuries.

I am referring to masturbation but I am also refereeing to more than just masturbation, what feels good mentally and physically. Why is there such a negative label put on the term masturbation when in scientific terms it is as natural as scratching an itch. The reason that it has such a negative stigma is that many people think that by denying their bodies the pleasure of masturbation they will somehow be in control of their sexual self. This is in fact the complete opposite effect on most people when denied to masturbate.

This can be looked at as sexual starvation in terms of our animal instinct like food, water, shelter, sleep. All of these elements are natural, nature intended to keep our bodies running at optimal levels when we can regulate this part of our life in harmony and moderation. The extreme of course is over indulgence, and that is not good to overindulge our bodies either in anything. When any of these natural elements are taken away from us as humans or made to feel shame over than it can become a dysfunction. Just as one may starve themselves of food and become anorexia or extremely overindulged and become obese, the same principal can be said for starving our bodies from sexual release or over indulging our bodies and masturbate excessively.

People in their purest human form are of animal instinct and our basic need to release our sexual urges as our animal selves does not just go away. One of the safest and most natural ways to release sexual tension is through masturbation.

The fact is the more that we can as a society talk openly about self pleasing in the form of masturbation than the more it can become acceptable in society.

Related articles

• Tantric Masturbation Guide (mademan.com)
• How a woman can feel sexy again (thehappyspouse.blogspot.com)
• How a woman can get her sexual desire back (thehappyspouse.blogspot.com)
• Erectile dysfunction and rapid ejaculation (thehappyspouse.blogspot.com)
• Using Words On Your Wife That Will Bring Her Exquisite Pleasure While Taking Her (thehappyspouse.blogspot.com)

e

e

 a

o

Married couples who have a sexual tool box

Image via Wikipedia

What is a sexual tool box for married couples you may ask?

This is the box or place, drawer, cabinet, closet, that you keep your stash of toys and goodies that you and your spouse share with each other in the bedroom. I believe that every married couple should have a sexual tool box and they should fill it with their own unique stash of goodies that they have selected just for each other to use together. This sexual tool box does not have to start off with every sexual gadget in the world, in fact it can have no sexual gadgets in it at all, but of course that would not be as fun.

The reason that a sexual tool box is so absolutely wonderful to have as a married couples is it shows that you and your spouse know how to really enjoy each other sexually and have come to the point in your marriage where you feel open enough to try new things. You may ask what goes into a couple’s sexual tool box and of course this would depend on each couple and how long they have had their tool box for. Some couples have fun sex games, sexy outfits, lubricants of course, sex toys if they like, massage oils, erotic novels that can be read together, sexy DVD’s, the sky’s the limit with what couples can put into their sexual tool box. There may even be a few different types of tool boxes for unique occasions during the month.

If you don’t have a sexual tool box in your marriage, there is no need to feel bad about it or that you are missing out and you may even be the type of married couple who just likes to enjoy each other without any additives, but those that want to add a little passion to the sex in the marriage, creating a sexual tool box with your spouse can be a lot of fun. One place to get started is of course with lubrication or other stimulating gels, these are product that as we age almost all married couples will have to purchase at one time or another. The sexual tool box can be filled with lingerie and stocking, sashes and belts, fun bondage accessories and of course there are adult toys. There are all sorts of Vibrators such as the

 Rabbit Vibrators, clitoral vibrator ,  dildo vibrators,  g-spot vibrator, mini vibrators, Toy Friend

The list goes on and on.  Many couples can also get started by getting a lovers beginners kit such as:  Nouveau Lovers Kit, Regard Indiscret , Agent Secret , Lure Shower Seduction and more.

The point of the sexual tool box is that you and your spouse share it together, it is your secret box that you have when you want to add a little spice or passion to the sex play in your marriage. 

  

Related articles

• Sexual Health In Marriage (thehappyspouse.blogspot.com)
• How Married Couples Can Benefit By Using Sexual Games In The Bedroom (thehappyspouse.blogspot.com)
• Find out what the three silent killers are in marriage (thehappyspouse.blogspot.com)
• How to solve sexual problems in marriage (thehappyspouse.blogspot.com)
• Get your top five sexy couples products to enhance your marriage (thehappyspouse.blogspot.com)
• Sexual compatibility test with your spouse (thehappyspouse.blogspot.com)