Unconventional Relationship Standards

Unconventional relationships come in many packages, including any part of a relationship that does not fall under the "normal" range. The question that I always ask as a sex therapist is what is the so called “normal range”? With the divorce rate increasing, along with couples staying in marriage for the sake of the children and finances.....putting unconventional in a relationship may be the answer to saving it.

What is unconventional? Anything that is not conventional, relating to relationships that may involve an open marriage, where the couple is together but dates other people, swingers, living in separate rooms, or even houses. Couples who are in the military also are considered an unconventional relationship not seeing each other for months at a time.

The idea that people stay married for extended periods of time and one spouse is no longer wanting sex in the marriage but the couple loves one another....this is one of the more common types of unconventional ....the sexless marriage.

Cheating usually happens with this type of situation, would it not be better to confront the truth that not having sex in the marriage is the unconventional part! Realizing that sex is part of the animal side of all humans and not having regular sex in any relationship is unconventional!
As we move into the next generation of relationships, couples, marriage, our idea of conventional will change along with the times......

Marriage Survival Techniques during the Holiday Season

Holidays are the season to be happy “over come with joy”, time off of work, family time, vacations…..That all sound terrific if you are a character out of the movies, or you get to do the “It’s a wonderful Life and get the glimpse of what could have” I am not being a grinch or attempting to be negative, because I preach positive attitudes as a way of life. There is truth in learning marriage survival techniques as well, to get you through the holiday season.

The holiday season can be a tough time for many people, who are in fragile marriages, unhappy marriage, and financial stress. Surviving the holiday with a spouse that you are not happy to begin with is really what the article is intended for. Two people whom have been able to separate and tolerate each other over the year are forced now to put on a happy face for the children or extended family and spend happy holiday time together.

I think that part of survival is to adapt to the situation and make it better. During the holidays is not the best time to have the “I want a divorce talk”, or “if you don’t do this or that for me this holiday I am done.” It is about gong into the season with a mind set that it is not permanent, and the in-laws that may be coming over are leaving. Plan your holiday time ahead of time with the idea set in your head that you are going to make the holiday season brighter by mapping out a better life for yourself after the season is over.

Marriage Survival Techniques during the holiday

1. Go into the season with a frame of mind that it is temporary and what ever needs to be fixed you are prepared for it, planning it and executing the change after the New Year.

2. Plan ahead if you know that you are going to be irritated with your spouse’s parents, plan time for you to escape or cope ahead of time.

3. If you are spending vacation time with your spouse and the two of you don’t get along, then change the way you act around them, and watch how they change as well.

4. Take everyday for what it is and don’t get yourself worrying about tomorrow be in the moment.

5. Look at the holiday from the half class full and be thankful for what you do have not what you don’t.

6. Do something nice for others during the holiday, it will give you something else to do and it will make you feel better.

Now there is help for rapid ejaculation

As a sex therapist I have helped many men with problems concerning holding their erections for longer periods of time. Some men may experience rapid ejaculation or problems with erection. Then there are other men who want to learn how to keep an erection for longer periods of time.

Five solutions for rapid ejaculation

Image via WikipediaThis can be an on going problem for a man or something that has happened a few times but it is now causing him anxiety.

1. Practice makes perfect and I will say this to every man that I help. Masturbation is one of the ways to train the mind and body to work together. Practice holding techniques and mind control, these are two very powerful solutions for rapid ejaculation.

2. Masturbate before going out on a date or even in the bathroom an hour before intercourse, this will help a man to have more control.

3. Use a good male enhancement product like Maxoderm while practicing masturbation, this may help with sensitivity and have the blood fill the penis for a fuller erection. A condom also helps to reduce sensitivity in the head of the penis.

4. Train your brain!! Think of things that turn you on but also that you can control like images or sexy thoughts. Don’t replace positive thoughts with negative thoughts that is  a bad technique, just be aware of your thoughts, using them enough to know what will trigger an orgasm. Many times men are not always aware of what they are thinking about during the moment, be aware of your thoughts.

5. Train your penis: Use the hold technique and stop touching the head of the penis when you think it is time to cum. Navigate your way around your penis, and figure out what is sensitive and what is not as sensitive. Before ejaculation, slow down your mind and body by breathing, slow down your breathing.

For men that don’t have rapid ejaculation problems and just want to learn to hold their orgasm longer then you can apply the same techniques above. Mind over body and practice are the two most important aspects in maintaining a stronger and longer erection. The third is learning how to slow down the breath, breathing helps to relax the mind, yoga is excellent for this as well as meditation techniques.

For more information on sex therapy with dawn go to http://www.thehappyspouse.com/ to order Maxoderm click on advertisement below.

Related articles

• "Size Matters" Book Review by Sex Therapist Dawn Michael (thehappyspouse.blogspot.com)
• Women and Orgasm: Reasons why some women can't achieve orgasm during sex (thehappyspouse.blogspot.com)
• Understanding your sexual pattern before marriage (thehappyspouse.blogspot.com)
• Having regular orgasms can help with depression and better health (thehappyspouse.blogspot.com)

Why does she fake her orgasms?

Image via WikipediaThe answer to that question is because she can, this is one big difference between a man and a woman. A woman can fake it but a man cannot. The title is therefore a shoe-in to say that for a man there is much more performance anxiety than for a woman.


Now back to the topic of why does she fake her orgasm?

The truth of the matter is that many women do this because they are either unable to have an orgasm or want to please their man. Neither of these reasons is good. In fact faking an orgasm makes it easier for the man to not learn how to please his women and for a woman to not take the time to tell her partner how to make her cum. Having an orgasm can also release the hormone oxytocin which is a bonding hormone making the couple feel more bonded.

Faking an orgasm may be a product of women being the pleaser in the relationship, but the reality is that it hurts the man as much as the women when she fakes it. For all the many women who are unable to have orgasms, it only means that you have not yet but can in the future.

Related articles

• Women and Orgasm: Reasons why some women can't achieve orgasm during sex (thehappyspouse.blogspot.com)
• Having orgasms as a way to strengthen a relationship and relieve pain (thehappyspouse.blogspot.com)
• Sex and Female Orgasm (socyberty.com)
• So Close And Yet So Far Away (psychologytoday.com)

“Size Matters” Book Review by Sex Therapist Dawn Michael

As a Sex Therapist and Clinical Sexologist it is my job to continue to read books on human sexuality and how to help individuals and couples lead a more fulfilling sex life. I am also a published writer and I enjoy reading books and reviewing them for fellow professionals in the field and people who want to improve their knowledge on sex...

Today’s book review is on “Size Matters” by Harry Fisch, M.D. and Kara Baskin

The book is about “The hard Facts about Male Sexuality That Every Woman Should Know” with a title like that and being a woman and sex therapist, I had to find out what every woman should know!!

The cover of the book and size of the book,  I found to be eye catching and amusing with the polka dot underwear giving the impression of easy reading, light and maybe not so informative.

Don’t let the cover fool you, once inside the book I found that most of the information was quite clinical and backed up by research and hard data (no pun intended) In each section they added some humor mixed in with the clinical, making the book fun to read. In one section titled “Hard Facts about the Penis” it gave the stats on the average penis size, diameter, largest penis ever recorded and farthest measured ejaculation. (something that most men really want to know)

The book went on to talk about some myths as far as being able to grow your penis longer and precautions surrounding hurting the urethra with penis rings, and pumps. The book also went into myths about hand size, foot size and over all body size in determining the length of a mans penis.

Another fun section that was highlighted throughout the book was “Ask a Guy”

With such questions being answered as “Can sexual incompatibility ruins an erection?” “What is the greatest number of times you’ve masturbated in one day?” And other interesting facts that most people want to know but are to shy to ask about!

The conclusion of the book review from my perspective as a clinical sexologist is that not only was it an informative book for women to read but also for men as well!.  I would have to give this book review of "Size Matters" A hard and big thumbs up!

If you have a book in the field of human sexuality, relationships, psychology or sexy fun places you want Dawn Michael to review send to dawnmichael40@yahoo.com

The Happy Spouse Blog: Knowing when it's time to leave a bad marriage

The Happy Spouse Blog: Knowing when it's time to leave a bad marriage: "One of the most difficult parts about being a sex and marriage counselor is helping couples to get out of a bad marriage. At tim..."

Married couples getting into the swing of being swingers

Image via Wikipedia

As couples grow older together and continue to lead a healthy live style and their sex drive is still going strong, many of these couples are turning towards spicing up their marriages by getting involved in swinging.  This is when the couple either engages in a group of swingers switching partners or they come up with an arrangement for an open marriage.  More so than an open marriage swinging seems to be more acceptable than open marriage because the couple is still maintaining, rules surrounding the experience. 

Many times it includes another person in the bedroom, or switching with another married couple.  This life style is not for everyone and in some relationships it has been the demise of the marriage, but for others it has been an unexpected turn of events in the marriage.  The children have the left the house and the couple finds themselves alone with each other once again and they are looking for new to ways to add passion back into their sex lives, so they ask around and have heard that there is a large group of married couples that are into swinging. 

For more information on swinging read this article in Examiner and find out three of the hottest swingers hangouts in Los Angeles.

http://www.examiner.com/love-and-marriage-in-los-angeles/hot-topic-l-a-marriage-question-how-do-i-ask-my-wife-to-be-a-swinger-with-me

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• Goldie Wanted 'Open Marriage' (foxnews.com)
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How Do I Know If My Husband Is Gay?

The Spectrum Of Heterosexual And Homosexual

This is a topic that needs to be addressed and one that I have been professionally asked advice on. This is not as uncommon as one may think and this goes for women as well but in this article we will be addressing the issues of is my husband gay.

What is the spectrum of heterosexual and homosexual?

There is a spectrum of 1-10, 1 being homosexual and 10 being heterosexual.  Five would be considered bisexual, we can work our way in-between.

There are ten signs that a wife can look for if she thinks that her husband may be gay. Some of these may seem stereotypical, but in reality they are not, and from experience with past clients some of these signs are very real. (yes some heterosexual men do a few of these things but it is not typical)

1:  Sex in the marriage: This can be a tricky one but hold on I will give you a few great tips:

a. Your husband does not want to have sex at all, or has a difficult time getting into the mood to have sex with you.

b. Your husband has sex with you but is not into it, and never initiates it with you.

c. Your husband seduced you in the beginning of marriage but once in it, he no longer wants to have sex with you.
d. He gets turned on by nude pictures of men or movies; he may hide this from you but keep an eye out for it.

2: He puts down gay people especially gay men, is uncomfortable around them and makes it a point to say rude things. (He is in denial of being gay)

3. He prefers to be around his male friends more than you, i.e. on a Friday or Saturday evenings, prefers the company of men.

4. He has a very close guy friend that you many suspect is gay himself. This could be his partner, or a man that he is interested in. (called the down- low)Down-low (sexual slang) - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

5. He likes to do overly macho things and makes sure that people notice he is doing them. He is trying to over compensate for his feelings of being gay.

6. He has more clothe in his closet than you do. (stereotyping yes but also a sign)
7. It takes him longer to get ready to go out for a night out on the town, then it takes you, primping hair, changing his clothe several times, asking you repeatedly how he looks. (Involves insecurity in who he is, not happy with himself)

8. He treats you like a friend rather than his wife. This is also a big sign to look for, this man may have married you because he thinks that you are his best friend.

9. He comes up with excuses for where he has been. This is also a red flag.
10. You find male pornography hidden in the house, or you find it on the computer, male chats, products, the computer has a history and a lot of information may be just one click away.

Women's IntuitionThese are all simple signs that there may be a problem with your husband being gay. If you suspect that your husband may be gay, a woman’s intuition is one of the strongest signs of all.

The best thing to do is talk to your husband about being gay and not brush it under the table especially if you are thinking of having children with him. If you already have children with him then you need to discuss how you feel and maybe even to seek counseling together.

Check these article out!

Reasons Why A Husband Does Not Want To Have Sex With His Wife

When sex is no longer good in marriage and what to do

I am gay and married how do I tell my wife?