Sunday, September 4, 2011

Women and Orgasm: Reasons why some women can’t achieve orgasm during sex

As a sex therapist, and marriage counselor, many OBGYN’S and doctors refer me female patients that are not able to have an orgasm in their marriage or relationship. The amount of women that are pre-orgasmic is staggering, and those are the women who talk about it.

Many women live in marriages for years without having orgasms with their husbands, suffering in silence.


Our bodies create a natural hormone called oxytocin and that hormone is released during orgasm, nipple play, and during birth. Oxytocin is released when a woman has an orgasm during intercourse or even during foreplay. It promotes bonding in the couple, a calming effect and a natural pain killer. When a woman can have regular orgasms with her partner then she will want to have more and frequent sex with him. She will also feel closer to him, more loving and attached.

The opposite is true of women who don’t have regular orgasms with their partner; they become less interested in sex, more distant, and even resentful. This can cause great emotional pain in a woman; feeling that she is not able to enjoy sex or that there is something wrong with her. Orgasms for women can be a process and complicated at times. A woman’s body and natural response to sex is directly related to the mind and body connection along with hormone level fluctuation during her monthly cycle.

Facts and solutions concerning orgasm

Fact 1:
Lubrication is a necessity, having a dry vagina is not going to promote healthy sexual release, having a well lubricated vagina is always recommended.

Fact 2:
For the average women to bring herself to an orgasm or a partner involved, it takes 20 minute or more. A woman needs to be stimulated properly for at least twenty minute to have her vulvas (vagina) prepared and ready to orgasm.
Fact 3: Direct clitoral stimulation during intercourse is one of the ways a woman can achieve orgasm, 70% of women during intercourse alone without direct stimulation will not orgasm.

Fact 4: Starting intercourse before a woman’s vagina has lengthen and prepared it self for penetrating can be another factor in why a woman will not be able to have an orgasm. It takes time for a woman’s vagina to flower.

My recommendation to any woman who has not been able to achieve an orgasm here are a few solutions.

1. A woman is responsible for teaching herself how to have an orgasm through masturbation then she can show her partner.

2. Do not have intercourse until you are ready and this does not mean wet, it means that your vagina has flowered, taken the time to open up like a flower.

3. Relax and allow your mind to enjoy the experience, don’t put pressure yourself to have an orgasm.

4. Take charge of your clitoris; rub it yourself during intercourse to bring yourself to and orgasm if necessary.

5. Tell your spouse or partner when the experience is not what you are enjoying, move to a different position, add the lubrication, or start the foreplay over. A woman can have many orgasms so having your fist one before intercourse will insure that the vagina is ready to receive the joy of penetration.

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