Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Why does sex stop after marriage for some couples

Sexless marriage is on the rise, 50% of all marriages end in divorce and the remaining couples that do hang on more than half of them live in a sexless marriage.  

What is a sexless marriage? 

It can be defined as a marriage where the couple has little to no sex every month, or in several months. This is not due to an illness or sudden event but a natural rhythm that happens over time in a marriage.

There are a few main causes for  sexless marriage, but also some proactive solutions to prevent it.


Men and women both have equal sex drives, but at different times of the day and the month. A women's sex drive varies throughout the month with highs and lows depending on ovulation and menstruation.  Men vary throughout a day with their testosterone levels being the highest in the morning and then decreasing towards the evening.  As men age they also go through a gradual decline in testosterone and move into the quality of the sexual experience rather than the frequency. 

Men and women approach sex in different ways as well,  for women sexual intimacy starts outside the bedroom, whereas with most men they can move right into sex if turned on. When looking at sex in a marriage it is more than the act of intercourse, it is the act of sexual intimacy, two people sharing a special bond. Sexual intimacy is a feeling that goes along with sex and when the couple is sexually satisfied with each other they will also feel sexual intimacy. In a woman’s monthly cycle she will go through times when she is more sexually attracted to her mate, this is when a woman should approach her husband and initiate the sex. Part of the problem for many couples is that men are the ones expected to initiate the sex, but it should be equal.

For men because the level of testosterone is at its peak in the morning, sex in the morning instead of later at night may be a better time for couples. This is where couples often make a mistake in love making; sometimes morning sex is the best sex, especially after a long day for both a man and a women where the evening may be a time of sleep.  Once recharged in the morning it may be the perfect time for making love.  Romance at night can mean hot sex in the morning, have a sexy date night, a good nights rest and then  wake up to morning passion.

One main reason for sexless marriage is the concept that once married sex is a given, and it no longer takes work and that is a sad mistake. Keeping the sex exciting and not boring in marriage does take effort but make it fun, sexy, and erotic. Couples that have a great sexual relationship will have less to argue about and the little thing usually will go away. If you are in a sexless marriage get help, sexual is natural, normal, healthy, and should be enjoyable!  With all the wonderful hormones released through mutual orgasm, it can be the glue that keeps the marriage together.  If find that your marriage has become sexless then do something about it before it is to late!

Intimacy counseling Thehappyspouse
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