Saturday, September 29, 2012

Get back the sexual intimacy in your relationship

Marriage is a partnership and that includes making each other happy sexually, not by having sex but by creating sexual intimacy.  Anyone can have sex or perform the act of intercourse, but sexual intimacy is another aspect that is often over looked.

 As a clinical sexologist and marriage counselor that is the area of marriage that I help couples to improve upon.  Once the sexual intimacy is brought back into the marriage, the couple will feel a renewed sense of closeness in the relationship.

Many times couples don't even realize that the intimacy is missing or perhaps they never had it to begin with.  One way that I help my clients is to begin with touching each other in an intimate non-sexual way.  This first exercise helps me as the counselor to understand where the couple is in their marriage and what needs to be the focus of healing.  Couples can speak or talk about the marriage until they are blue in the face,but the true test is can they look at each other without talking and touch each others faces in an intimate way.  Often times asking the couple to preform this simple exercise brings up emotions that they had no idea were at the core of the problems in the marriage.  Some couples when asked to do this simple exercise with their spouse found it almost impossible. 

Sexual intimacy is not based on male or female emotion, as a woman wanting it more than a man, it is a human necessity to be held, kissed, rubbed and touched in an intimate loving way.  Sexual intimacy is the foundation of making love rather than having sex.  Couples can be in a marriage for years and have sex but lack intimate sex.

How can this problem be resolved?

When I counsel couples we are active in creating a new marriage, one based on intimate exchange.  I ask them to do home assignments involving intimacy in the marriage and then we talk about it.  As the couples progress with their home assignments, they learn new aspects about each other, emotionally an physically.  They learn to communite with one another surrounding sex, and this leads to open discussion in other areas of the marriage. 

The transformation is a wonderful experience and the couples learn that sex can be fun, sexy, intimate and a wonderful part of the marriage.  As my motto goes "Everyone deserves to have a healthy sex life!", but it does take a commitment to make it work.
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