Thursday, January 17, 2013

Unconventional relationship advice for couples living in a sexless marriage

This article is about unconventional advice for couples living in a monogamous sexless marriage, that are looking for answers.

A few of the suggested solutions are not typical advice, so read on and find out what couples are doing to stay married. Some of the suggestions may be controversial and some are quite unconventional, but if staying married is your only option than it is worth a try.

Divorce is costly, emotionally draining, and sometimes not the right choice, but on the other hand living in a sexless marriage until death do we part is not a place most people are wanting to live in either  

                   These are a few unconventional suggestions:         

      Couples sex retreat   

              Couple's sex retreat can be a wonderful way to spend a week where couples can understand and get to know each other intimately again. As our minds and bodies mature our sex drive changes along with what will turn us on and turn us off. At the retreat, there are classes and information on how to get the passion back in the relationship.

It is also a wonderful way to meet new people and hear about their stories experiences and ways that they have improved their marriage.

Couples more often than not have forgotten or never really spoke openly to each other about sex. Many time just learning simple techniques of healthy communication can improve the marriage.         

Couples Retreat

Sex Counseling and Marriage Retreat Center in Vermont | Sexploration Three-Day Retreat Program
Counseling couples for over 25 years, we have specific training in marriage therapy, sex therapy, and marriage repair.Sex Therapy

type=textGet help from a professional Sex Therapist

This is not a therapist or traditional marriage counselor, but a trained professional in the area of clinical sexology. Sex therapy can provide couples relationships with suggestions on better communication, techniques to enhance the sex in the marriage and bring the couple closer together on a more intimate level.      

Let's Talk about Sex

Dawn Michael M.A.

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       An open marriage   

              This may not be the most conventional way to save a marriage, but if one person in the marriage is just not willing to be sexual anymore but there is still the love between the couple then an open marriage may be a solution.

Many times one or more of the individuals in the marriage is already in an outside relationship but just hiding it from their spouse. If the couple can come clean with the affair and both can come to some agreement on what can and cannot be permitted, sometimes this type of marriage can endure the test of time.  
              Some people may be shocked when recommending a sex surrogate, but believe it or not it has saved some marriages from divorce and given a person the sexual knowledge and freedom to start to want to have sex again.

IPSA's Surrogate Partner Therapy is based on the successful methods of Masters and Johnson. The surrogate participates with the client in structured and unstructured experiences designed to build client self-awareness. The skills are in the areas of physical and emotional intimacy. Sex surrogates work hand in hand with therapist, doctors and other medical professionals to build a system that is designed to help the couple or individual in a holistic approach.        
IPSA International Professional Surrogates Association Search

Using erotica to stimulate the sex in marriage 

Sex is not a given when married, it just does not get better or stay good if not worked on. The human mind gets board after many years with the same partner in the same position. This is one of the main reasons why so many men turn to porn. The result is him watching porn to get off and her wondering what happened to the sex in the marriage. This can also happen in reverse, where she is no longer turned on, has a lack of desire and no idea how to get it back. One way to jump start or rekindle the passion again is to slowly get to know each other by talking first about sex, exploring each others minds, talking about fantasies, expanding the options of erotica used together.

One way to add some fun into the sex is to bring in sex toys, erotic novels, erotic movies that husband and wife can both enjoy together. Spend time kissing, massaging each other, finding new erotic areas on the body. Use the sex toys to massage each other on places throughout the body, neck, nipples, belly, down in between the thighs, under the back side...enjoy each other and have fun.             

Lets talk about "Sex Toys"

Dawn Michael M.A.

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Join a swingers club 

For all of those who are not aware of swingers clubs, it is where you meet other married couples and you experience sexual experience with them or infront of them. It can also be a place where a married couple can go together and just watch as well.

This is one way to spark a libido and maybe meet some new friends. This life style is certainly not for everyone, but on the list of recommendations it does have it place. There have been many married couples living in sexless marriages that have gone to one of these events or two and it sparked the desire back into their marriage. In fact some couples went and then decided that maybe the single life was not for them and they really wanted to work on the marriage. Trying new things with your spouse that is a little sexy may be all that it takes to get the engines going again.    

Understanding the options   


Theses six suggestions are for couples who live in a sexless unhappy marriage and are thinking about getting a divorce. Many times when couples can go outside of their comfort zone and try new adventures together it can bring back the feelings that they once shared.

Start to have fun again with your spouse, enjoy greater intimacy. Getting a divorce is expensive, emotionally draining and if kids are involved complicated, so why not just try new suggestions to save the marriage before taking the enormous task of ending it. Sexual intimacy in marriage is as important as any other part of a marriage, and it starts with communication.          



  • Howcanigetagirlfriend                             
    Well done on suggesting that people explore every avenue BEFORE divorce... to many people split up only to regret it later.
  • I agree with your suggestions related to seeking therapy. Reason being, a lot of couples don't consider that erectile dysfunction (ED) could be the cause of their sexless marriage. ED affects a man mentally and has both physical and psychological causes. If a man is not familiar with erectile dysfunction, he might interpret his impotence as failing desire in his mate. Conversely, if his partner lacks knowledge about ED, he or she may assume the blame or suspect the other being guilty (ie, cheating). I am not saying erectile dysfunction is always the cause of a sexless marriage. However, lack of sex doesn't mean the problem lies within the relationship. Therapy is crucial to determine the cause. A good therapist will with work with the couple's doctor to rule out psychological and medical reasons for the sexless marriage.
  • SDiggs                  
    These are some really great ideas, and it is very refreshing to read these ideas. I think that the swingers club in particular could really help a lot of couples put the fire back in the bedroom. However I think in many cases one's spouse might not be that adventerous, which is unfortunate.
  • dawnmichael                                
    Thank you for your comment, it is a solution for couples who have tried the convention route and are still unhappy, it is not for everyone but it is a suggestion. :)
  • JoyKitten                            
    I love your lens! Sex is an important part of a marriage or long term relationship, but it's not everything. Throughout our lives our sexual urges will ebb and flow; rarely at the same rhythm as our partners.

    You've listed wonderful options that most people (especially women) tend to rule out. Husbands who aren't 'getting enough' from their wives HAVE thought about these options, but most dare not speak of them to their spouse for fear of dire repercussions. How tragic.

    Girls have been raised on fairy tales and nonsense about how our Prince Charming is going to be our end-all-be-all. RUBBISH! Women need to open up, embrace their sexuality AND allow their men to explore theirs too, thereby creating more intimacy and love than they could ever believe possible. Most women's sexual frame of reference is very narrow. How very sad for them, and their spouse =(

    There is another safe option that you've overlooked. It's sexual webcamming. As a woman who practices this form of intimate entertainment, I speak with authority. It's safe for both parties, both reap the satisfaction of a visual and auditory experience, you are in fact interacting with an attractive
    partner who is enjoying themselves as much as you are. Really, how much better can it get than that?! In my case I've actually developed a professional practice. I'm a webcam courtesan. I have men who, for whatever reason are without a partner, or they're with a partner who is unable or unwilling to participate in sex with them. Men who are aching for sexual contact and fulfillment. Is spending intimate time talking and playing with me on my webcam as satisfying as actual sexual intercourse and all that goes with it? Certainly not, but it is a whole lot more satisfying to have a real conversation while watching streaming video in real-time, than watching some flat, recorded video or looking at still images on a page.

    In my experience, the majority of men are really nice and sometimes absolutely adorable (think Tom Cruise or Brad Pitt); most of their requests are 'normal'. Some are a little more off the wall, fetishes or role play scenarios, and I really enjoy exploring those topics. After all, it's just fantasy.

    I hoped this opened your eyes to a safe, satisfying and generally overlooked option for healthy sexual expression.
  • Little Me                                
    Great list! I was hoping to see erotic submission in the form of cuckolding and male chastity play on this list of alternative solutions to a sexless marriage. Maybe that will have wait for the article titled "Kinky Solutions to a Sexless Marriage." ;)
  • Ha love it you gave me a new title for a great but that one would have to go on my blog...not acceptable for this site thanks for comment!
  • interesting solutions to an age old problem

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