Thursday, August 22, 2013

Is it better to stay in an unhappy marriage or to leave it?

Is is better to stay or go?

This is a question that I get asked from my clients as a sex therapist and marriage counselor.  I had to ask myself that same question a few years back.  Do I stay in an unhappy marriage, mostly for the sake of the children and the sense of family or do I leave?  The decision to leave the marriage was not easy to say the least but I had been trying to make the marriage work for years.  Going through the process myself and then the divorce has given me the tools to help others from a professional and personal perspective, divorce is not easy.

The best advice that I would give to an individual in the situation of making the decision to leave a marriage is to have tried to work on the marriage first.  When a person puts forth an honest effort to make the marriage better but the other party is unwilling to then there is no alternative but to leave instead of being miserable for the rest of your life.  Once the decision is made to move forward, this is where it can either get very ugly or part as friends.  Unfortunately the ugly part seems to be the end result of most marriages.  Just as I have tried to help couples stay in a marriage that I felt both people were willing to work on, I also help couples to get out of a marriage that is unhealthy.

Ending a marriage can be an emotional roller coaster especially with children involved, and once it gets to the court system and lawyers get brought into the situation it can be a nightmare.  The best solution is to work with an outside mediator and a counselor to help with the emotions of the divorce and to help decide how to handle the situation with the children.  Outside mediation is going to cost less emotionally and financially.  Using the court system to resolve a marriage is not a path I would recommend to anyone, the system is extremely flawed and the court mediators that are there to represent the best interest of the children, are overworked and not personally involved.  They will have very little incite into a situation about your family and make a recommendation that can hurt the children in the end.  Don't allow a third party to decide when you can see your children and how to run your life, work together with your ex-spouse to put your own plan together for the sake of raising your children together and your finances. 

For more information got to thehappyspouse

What are your comments on this very difficult decision?
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