Negotiating Sexual Intimacy In Marriage

One of the most important things that you can do in your marriage is to negotiate sexual intimacy with your spouse.  Most people don't often realize that marriage is a series of negotiations about everything, but when it comes to sexual intimacy it is a tricky subject to broach.  Dr. Dawn Michael in this important video talks about what you should do to negotiate sexual intimacy in your marriage.

Order a copy of her book today! My Spouse Is Not Interested In Sex

How to achieve an orgasm during intercourse for a woman

Most women are not able to achieve an orgasm during intercourse without direct clitoral stimulation.  Women assume that there is something wrong with them because they are not able to have an orgasm during intercourse.  Unless a women spontaneously has one (which is far and few), a woman must learn how to do it.  It is possible to have an orgasm during intercourse by a woman positioning herself where the mans penis is directly stimulating her clitoris.  That is just the first step, the second step is connecting her body to her mind and being excited enough to get to that point where she is able to let go.

In my practice as a clinical sexologist and marriage counselor this is one of the exercises that I teach couples how to do so that a women can enjoy many orgasms during intercourse without the need of a vibrator or even direct clitoral stimulation with a finger.  The female body is amazing, releasing all of the natural hormones and chemicals associated with her orgasm .

Continued orgasm with a partner will increase the pleasure for both a man and women also enhancing the bond between them. 

 It is the bodies natural drug for women wanting to stay attached to their partners and come back for more.  The opposite is also true if a women is having sexual intercourse for many years and not orgasmic this will lead to increased frustration and a lack of desire with her partner.

For a women to get to the point where she is able to enjoy orgasm through intercourse there are a few major components that go into it.  This is both psychological and physical in nature. 

A women's sexual desire is related to her partner in many ways, does she feel safe with him? Is she attracted to him?  Is she turned on by him?  Does she feel comfortable sexually with him?  All of this contributes to her having an orgasm. 

In a situation like this when I work with couples I give them a series of exercises to do at home, then ask for them to report back on the progress.  Much of what we discuss is also on the anatomy of the body, how a body functions sexually, and for women it can be quite complicated.  One of the biggest mistakes that couples do is rush into intercourse, not allowing the female body to to expand and be ready to accept penetration.  This can involve the female mind and her concerns with the relationship, desire and wanting to be penetrated. 

After several sessions of intimacy counseling couples get to know each others bodies well enough to know when intercourse should happen and the positions that are best involved in helping a women to reach orgasm during intercourse.  For some women it is different than others as well as the angle and size of her partners penis.  Some women may also have a tipped uterus and it can be tipped up or down or not at all.  The most important factor is to take the time to get educated on how the sexual body and mind work and begin to incorporate it into ones sex life.  There is nothing better in a relationship than having wonderful intimate sex, where a couple can connect on a deeper level. 

For more information on intimacy counselingDawn Michael at The Happy Spouse
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Is it better to stay in an unhappy marriage or to leave it?

Is is better to stay or go?

This is a question that I get asked from my clients as a sex therapist and marriage counselor.  I had to ask myself that same question a few years back.  Do I stay in an unhappy marriage, mostly for the sake of the children and the sense of family or do I leave?  The decision to leave the marriage was not easy to say the least but I had been trying to make the marriage work for years.  Going through the process myself and then the divorce has given me the tools to help others from a professional and personal perspective, divorce is not easy.

The best advice that I would give to an individual in the situation of making the decision to leave a marriage is to have tried to work on the marriage first.  When a person puts forth an honest effort to make the marriage better but the other party is unwilling to then there is no alternative but to leave instead of being miserable for the rest of your life.  Once the decision is made to move forward, this is where it can either get very ugly or part as friends.  Unfortunately the ugly part seems to be the end result of most marriages.  Just as I have tried to help couples stay in a marriage that I felt both people were willing to work on, I also help couples to get out of a marriage that is unhealthy.

Ending a marriage can be an emotional roller coaster especially with children involved, and once it gets to the court system and lawyers get brought into the situation it can be a nightmare.  The best solution is to work with an outside mediator and a counselor to help with the emotions of the divorce and to help decide how to handle the situation with the children.  Outside mediation is going to cost less emotionally and financially.  Using the court system to resolve a marriage is not a path I would recommend to anyone, the system is extremely flawed and the court mediators that are there to represent the best interest of the children, are overworked and not personally involved.  They will have very little incite into a situation about your family and make a recommendation that can hurt the children in the end.  Don't allow a third party to decide when you can see your children and how to run your life, work together with your ex-spouse to put your own plan together for the sake of raising your children together and your finances. 

For more information got to thehappyspouse

What are your comments on this very difficult decision?