Understating The Cycle of Sexual Aging Associated with Sexual Function

Oftentimes individuals are not aware of the natural sexual changes that the body goes through as it ages.  Some individuals view this as lack of sexual desire or a newly developed sexual dysfunction.

For men the function of the penis changes from adolescents until a man is in his later years. A man in  his twenties, gets erections from any type of stimulation. He can get an erection when the “wind blows”, as the old saying goes. The power and speed of his ejaculation can literally send his semen across the room, or for some guys on the ceiling.


As men age mental stimulation and direct penile stimulation are necessary in helping to maintain an erection, and sexual interest with their partner, “Variety is the spice of life.” 

Some men begin to think that there is something wrong with them sexually because what used to turn them on or how they achieved an erection does not work the same way for them anymore. They start to think that they have a sexual problem, when in reality it is quite normal.  With other men that may have gotten a divorce and begin to date again, and have some problems getting an erection, maintaining an erection or even having an orgasm, this is also very normal. Talking to a professional clinical sexologist can help him understand and educate him on how to control the anxiety that cuts off the blood flow to the penis and function sexually again in the new dating world.

For women as they age their bodies, mind, and hormones change as well.

Some women in their twenties and thirties who took birth control pills for a long period of time, it can affect their desire later on, creating an imbalance in progesterone, estrogen and testosterone. If this happens a woman may want to get her hormones regulated by asking her doctor for a saliva test to see the levels. As women age many become more comfortable with their bodies, but may still feel uncomfortable talking about sex with their partner. Childbirth, hormones, stress, and unsatisfying sex over an extended period of time can greatly affect a women’s enjoyment of sex and her level of desire.

A woman that spends years in a relationship without having orgasms or enjoying sex, it can cause physical problems later on: Such as chronic bladder infections, pain during intercourse or a negative feeling towards sex.

On one end of the spectrum as women age and approaches their 40’s if sex is viewed as positive, and enjoyable then it can be a freeing experience for many women. Women in their 40’s that are divorced, meeting younger men are now having some of the best sex of their lives. For women mental stimulation at any age is important, as well as feeling safe with a partner and good about themselves. Women’s minds are constantly stimulated by daily stress so it takes women a longer time to calm down and focus on the sexual experience, before she can get aroused. Increased foreplay and positive mental stimulation is necessary for a woman to enjoy sex as she ages. Women fall into the same rut of boredom surrounding sex just as men do.


For both men and women understanding how the body and mind ages sexually is extremely important in a relationship, and for many married couples it can be one of the reasons why they are no longer being intimate with each other.
If you have a personal question for Dr. Dawn Michael you can visit her website www.thehappyspouse.com

Read more: http://www.examiner.com/article/how-the-body-and-mind-ages-sexually-both-men-and-woman?cid=db_articles#ixzz35xatxKiO

Sex After Children, How To Put The Fire Back Into Your Marriage

Those precious toddler years, chasing the children around the home, juggling schedules with your spouse, endless moms groups, no wonder there is not time for sex.  You and your spouse are so busy with the kids, and maintaining the "life" that you have forgotten about each other.  A couple can go through this for a few years and then slowly bounce back to spending time together again, but for the couples who don't things will not get better until you become pro-active in your marriage. 

Working on the marriage is just as important as any other aspect of your life.  Couples get too comfortable with each other and then forget that being sexy is not a given.  Taking the time to seduce each other in the marriage is the responsibility of both spouses.  The way that a man seduces a woman is different than how a woman seduces a man.  Women like to be touched outside of the bedroom, kissed, hugged, and spending time together before sex.  Men like this as well, but to really get a man's attention, putting on a sexy outfit or telling him in the morning that you want him when he gets home from work will do as well.

Take your calendar out and make a date night, get a babysitter and do something fun together.  Don't talk about past events that may bother you, when spending intimate time together talk about things that make you both happy.  All to often couples will make a date night and end up talking about the kids or past problems and it ends up ruining the evening. 

After an evening out take the time to re-connect and bring the spark back into your marriage, be pro-active and put your marriage first!

The importance of using the right sex toy for you!

Lets face it,  not all sex toys are the same, just like not all individuals are the same.

Sex toys can be a fun way to spice up any relationship, but with the amount of sex toys on the market it is difficult to choose which one is right for you.  Another advantage of sex toys is that some products are available to be used as sexual tools in helping with sexual problems.

Education surrounding the use of sex toys is limited, so when a person does purchase a product they may not always know how to use it correctly or which one is right for them.

A few of my recommendations are sex toys that are made from 100% medical grade silicone, this type of a toy will leave no toxins behind and it also does not hold onto bacteria.  The other products that I often recommend are lubrication for women that will not promote any yeast infections and are PH balanced.  Always use a water based lubrication with a silicone toy, because silicone lube can destroy a silicone toy.  The body does not absorb silicone and it must be wiped off, where as the body will absorb water based lubrication.

Recommended toy for women

LELO Ina 2 Vibrator is one of the best rabbit vibrators.

The Ina 2 is the updated version of the Ina, a modern and stylish rabbit vibrator that pleasures all erogenous zones, meaning the clitoris and inside of the vagina.

This new and improved rabbit sex toy is fully waterproof and is 100% more powerful with 8 variable vibration modes and 2 individual motors, located in each pleasure point.

As with all LELO vibrators, Ina is designed with FDA-approved and phthalate-free PC-ABS/ silicone. So, it's super smooth and does not attract dust like other vibrators.

When using this vibrator always use low vibration on the clitoris to start with so as not to damage or over stimulate the area, direct stimulation on high speed can have the adverse affect and irritate the delicate tissue on the clitoris .  The wonderful part about this vibrator is it will add to the pleasure of having a full vaginal orgasm along with a clitoral orgasm.  Always use lubrication with the toy and do not insert into the vagina until you are fully aroused and wet!  This vibrator is a wonderful way for a women to experiment on herself in achieving an orgasm.

 
My next recommendation is for men and couples,

The Je Joue Mio C-ring is a stretchable vibrating penis ring that is worn around the penis to help last longer and have a more intense orgasms during sex. When the ring is at the base of the penis it will help to maintain a stronger erection.  The vibration is also wonderful for a women when used to have intercourse stimulating her clitoris.

,

Sliquid Organics Lubricant Variety Pack

A variety of organic lubrication, click on link to view all of the wonderful lubrication products, all organic and safe to use!

Massage candle

My last recommendation is the candle massage oil.
I recommend it to all of my clients, because not only does it smell great, look sensual, but it turns into warm massage oil!  Once you try it you will want to come back for more.  This is a wonderful product to use with intimacy counseling!


 

How to achieve an orgasm during intercourse for a woman

Most women are not able to achieve an orgasm during intercourse without direct clitoral stimulation.  Women assume that there is something wrong with them because they are not able to have an orgasm during intercourse.  Unless a women spontaneously has one (which is far and few), a woman must learn how to do it.  It is possible to have an orgasm during intercourse by a woman positioning herself where the mans penis is directly stimulating her clitoris.  That is just the first step, the second step is connecting her body to her mind and being excited enough to get to that point where she is able to let go.

In my practice as a clinical sexologist and marriage counselor this is one of the exercises that I teach couples how to do so that a women can enjoy many orgasms during intercourse without the need of a vibrator or even direct clitoral stimulation with a finger.  The female body is amazing, releasing all of the natural hormones and chemicals associated with her orgasm .

Continued orgasm with a partner will increase the pleasure for both a man and women also enhancing the bond between them. 

 It is the bodies natural drug for women wanting to stay attached to their partners and come back for more.  The opposite is also true if a women is having sexual intercourse for many years and not orgasmic this will lead to increased frustration and a lack of desire with her partner.

For a women to get to the point where she is able to enjoy orgasm through intercourse there are a few major components that go into it.  This is both psychological and physical in nature. 

A women's sexual desire is related to her partner in many ways, does she feel safe with him? Is she attracted to him?  Is she turned on by him?  Does she feel comfortable sexually with him?  All of this contributes to her having an orgasm. 

In a situation like this when I work with couples I give them a series of exercises to do at home, then ask for them to report back on the progress.  Much of what we discuss is also on the anatomy of the body, how a body functions sexually, and for women it can be quite complicated.  One of the biggest mistakes that couples do is rush into intercourse, not allowing the female body to to expand and be ready to accept penetration.  This can involve the female mind and her concerns with the relationship, desire and wanting to be penetrated. 

After several sessions of intimacy counseling couples get to know each others bodies well enough to know when intercourse should happen and the positions that are best involved in helping a women to reach orgasm during intercourse.  For some women it is different than others as well as the angle and size of her partners penis.  Some women may also have a tipped uterus and it can be tipped up or down or not at all.  The most important factor is to take the time to get educated on how the sexual body and mind work and begin to incorporate it into ones sex life.  There is nothing better in a relationship than having wonderful intimate sex, where a couple can connect on a deeper level. 

For more information on intimacy counselingDawn Michael at The Happy Spouse
contact

I cheated on my wife should I tell her or not?

A man was seeking my professional help because he and his wife had been having some problems in their marriage, concerning their sex life.  He explained to me in our counseling session that he met a woman on a business trip at a bar and he ended up having sex with her.  He felt so bad about it and did not know how to tell his wife he had cheated.  Before he left on his trip he and his wife had gotten into an argument.  The arguing had been increasing in the marriage for over a year.  His wife was becoming less interested in sex to the point where if they had it at all it was once a month and it was beginning to feel like a chore.  He still loved his wife after 15 years of marriage but was feeling extremely rejected and lonely.

We spoke a little more about what may have changed in the marriage about a year ago?   He stated that nothing major had changed but that it did seem that his wife may be having some issues with moodiness, also complaining that during sex she was more dry and uncomfortable.  She was in her late forties and he mood swings were more noticeable.  As we talked more it seemed to me that his wife may be experiencing signs of menopause.

As I explained some of the symptoms to him, he agreed that perhaps she was and that a visit to her doctor may provide some answers.  We spoke more about his situation as far as cheating on his wife, and how the fighting leading up to it could have been avoided.  Solutions to marital problems never get better by going outside the marriage and cheating.  Telling his wife about his affair, was not going to resolve the problem either.  The marriage needed some attention, from both the husband and the wife.

After our session I suggested that he and his wife come back together for intimacy counseling so that they could get back on tract with the marriage. It was important as well to find out from his wife's perspective how she was feeling about the marriage.  She had been refusing to have sex with her husband for over a year, with occasional sexual contact maybe once a month, this was a problem.  She could be going through menopause, but also neglecting her husband instead of dealing with their marital problems was not the answer either.

The moral of this story is there are always two sides to a marriage, and being pro-active is the best solution before it is too late.  For this couple they were able to work through many of the problems with intimacy counseling and the assistance of balancing out her hormones with her doctor.  Both husband and wife did take responsibility of what was going on in the marriage.  If her husband at first had come out and told his wife that he had cheated on her it would have made the situation worse, they needed to figure out what lead up to the cheating and fix that in the marriage. 

The Submissive Husband

I told him to get down on his knee's and look up at me. 

I am in control of your orgasms as your wife and you will listen to me.  He looked up at me with passion in his eyes and nodded.  I then told him to rise and put his hands to his side.  I placed a chastity belt on his penis, locked it and put the key in my bra.  "I am now in control of your orgasms do you understand me?  You cannot touch yourself unless you ask me."  He nodded his head in response.  I told him to get dressed and ready for work.  He put his slacks on, his pressed blue shirt, Armani STRIPED SILK DRESS TIE,  jacket, cufflinks and alligator shoes.  We stepped out of the bedroom and everything changed.

 I was now domestic around the house and he was off to run his multimillion dollar company.

 A submissive husband is not a concept that most women understand.  The husband may be dominant in the business world and around others, but when it come to sex he prefers for his wife to be in control!

In American cultural the men are suppose to be dominant sexually, but this is not always the case.  There are some men who dominate their business life to the extent that they want to let lose and be dominated in the bedroom.  They feel a sense of relief when they can just be told what to do by their wives sexually, and not have to initiate or be responsible for controlling their sex lives all the time.

Some men have found a happy marriage where they can freely explore this type of sex play.  The idea that a man may get sexually excited by a woman being in control if looked at from another perspective may not be all that unusual.  As couples mature together sexually it can become boring or not very appealing to have sex the same way every time.  If we compare sexual desire to our taste in food we can see that over time our food choices change.  What might have tasted great when we were younger or we would not try at all seems to be interesting and delicious as we mature.  Even our taste buds change as we age, they dull and something spicy foods may become exciting or something sweet may be too sweet.  We also tend to try new spices as we mature.  The same goes for our sexual appetites.  Adding role play to the sexual routine may add the needed spices to make the meal all that much more flavorful.  Role play and change in who always controls sex can be a great way to allow a man to let go, relax and have fun.  Women who are able to let go and be dominate with their husbands from time to time have also reported a happier sex life, where they feel empowered using their feminine strength to excite him.  Women learn how to tap into their dominate feminine side using their sexuality to tease, excite and control their man's sexual desire and sexual response.

A woman taking over in the bedroom may be the dash of spice that her husband has been longing for.  As a clinical sexologist I recommend that couples talk about their sex lives with one another, and use the comparison of food to make it easier to talk about sex in a fun a playful way.  


For help with your intimate life contact Dr. Dawn Michael (805) 329-6112 or www.thehappyspouse.com