I cheated on my wife should I tell her or not?

A man was seeking my professional help because he and his wife had been having some problems in their marriage, concerning their sex life.  He explained to me in our counseling session that he met a woman on a business trip at a bar and he ended up having sex with her.  He felt so bad about it and did not know how to tell his wife he had cheated.  Before he left on his trip he and his wife had gotten into an argument.  The arguing had been increasing in the marriage for over a year.  His wife was becoming less interested in sex to the point where if they had it at all it was once a month and it was beginning to feel like a chore.  He still loved his wife after 15 years of marriage but was feeling extremely rejected and lonely.

We spoke a little more about what may have changed in the marriage about a year ago?   He stated that nothing major had changed but that it did seem that his wife may be having some issues with moodiness, also complaining that during sex she was more dry and uncomfortable.  She was in her late forties and he mood swings were more noticeable.  As we talked more it seemed to me that his wife may be experiencing signs of menopause.

As I explained some of the symptoms to him, he agreed that perhaps she was and that a visit to her doctor may provide some answers.  We spoke more about his situation as far as cheating on his wife, and how the fighting leading up to it could have been avoided.  Solutions to marital problems never get better by going outside the marriage and cheating.  Telling his wife about his affair, was not going to resolve the problem either.  The marriage needed some attention, from both the husband and the wife.

After our session I suggested that he and his wife come back together for intimacy counseling so that they could get back on tract with the marriage. It was important as well to find out from his wife's perspective how she was feeling about the marriage.  She had been refusing to have sex with her husband for over a year, with occasional sexual contact maybe once a month, this was a problem.  She could be going through menopause, but also neglecting her husband instead of dealing with their marital problems was not the answer either.

The moral of this story is there are always two sides to a marriage, and being pro-active is the best solution before it is too late.  For this couple they were able to work through many of the problems with intimacy counseling and the assistance of balancing out her hormones with her doctor.  Both husband and wife did take responsibility of what was going on in the marriage.  If her husband at first had come out and told his wife that he had cheated on her it would have made the situation worse, they needed to figure out what lead up to the cheating and fix that in the marriage. 

Women Reduce Hot Flashes and Increase Sex Drive

For many women in their late 40's and 50's it can be a time of change that my come on gradual or all of a sudden.  The female body may at times feel sudden hot flashes along with a decrease in vaginal fluid making it difficult for women to get aroused and feel sexual desire.

So how do you stop hot flashes? Or at least reduce them?

In a disturbing trend that has some critics second-guessing the medical field, a growing number of doctors are prescribing anti-depressants to reduce hot flashes in women.

Escitalopram, also known as Cipralex, is quickly becoming the pharmaceutical answer of choice for doctors looking to relieve their ever increasing waves of menopausal women looking to escape the evils of hot flashes.

There is some validity for using Cipralex to ease hot flash symptoms. According to a recent study published in the Journal of the American Medical Association, 55% of women given Cipralex for eight weeks reported a reduction in hot flashes by at least fifty per cent.

Using anti-depressants to soften the hot flash blow isn't limited to Cipralex. Selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitors, or SSRI's, are also being used to inhibit hot flashes. SSRI's boost serotonin levels in the brain. Serotonin is sometimes called the happiness hormone and is thought to influence hot flashes.

The problem with otherwise healthy women using psychiatric drugs to treat hot flashes is that it exposes them to the anti-depressive properties the drugs were designed for even though they're not suffering from depressive symptoms.

What's more, anti-depressants produce withdrawal effects, including dizziness and insomnia, not to mention a decrease in sexual desire.

Over the years, there have been other attempts to find a solution to reduce hot flash symptoms. Hormone treatments initially showed promise in easing hot flashes and in some women it did, but it can also increase the risk of stroke, heart attack and breast cancer.  Not all women are at the same risk as others, but my first choice before going the pharmaceutical route is to try more of a natural overall biological plan for the female body. There is an alternative available to women looking to reduce hot flashes. Without pharmaceuticals. Without withdrawal symptoms or increased risk of breast cancer and heart attack.

There's Provestra.

Formulated with a series of all-natural ingredients, including theobromine, ginkgo, biloba, red raspberry and ginseng, Provestra is a natural libido enhancement therapy for women looking to put passionate sex back in their lives.

The good news for women suffering from hot flashes is that ginseng has been used since ancient times for its ability to ease symptoms of menopause. This makes Provestra a healthy and effective method for women to reduce hot flashes.  Not only does it reduce hot flashes it helps with, vaginal dryness, fewer mood swings, more lubrication, increased sexual desire and boosted sex drive.

Provestra's safe too, being cGMP certified and compliant. All of Provestra's raw materials are tested for purity before production, and Provestra uses the same pharmaceutical manufacturer used by major clients, including Albertson's, Rite Aid and Wal-Mart to manufacture life-saving drugs.

To conclude, let's review your options to alleviate hot flashes.
You can:


a) Ask a doctor to prescribe an anti-depressant, even if you don't require it for psychiatric reasons, and expose yourself to the risks and withdrawal symptoms associated with this scenario.


b) Experiment with hormone pills, despite the elevated risk of heart attack and breast cancer in some women.
OR


c) Put some Provestra in your life and reduce hot flashes using natural and proven herbals, and experience side effects including reduced vaginal dryness, increased sexual thoughts, desire and sexual activity.


Gee, that's a tough call to make!