Is it better to stay in an unhappy marriage or to leave it?

Is is better to stay or go?

This is a question that I get asked from my clients as a sex therapist and marriage counselor.  I had to ask myself that same question a few years back.  Do I stay in an unhappy marriage, mostly for the sake of the children and the sense of family or do I leave?  The decision to leave the marriage was not easy to say the least but I had been trying to make the marriage work for years.  Going through the process myself and then the divorce has given me the tools to help others from a professional and personal perspective, divorce is not easy.

The best advice that I would give to an individual in the situation of making the decision to leave a marriage is to have tried to work on the marriage first.  When a person puts forth an honest effort to make the marriage better but the other party is unwilling to then there is no alternative but to leave instead of being miserable for the rest of your life.  Once the decision is made to move forward, this is where it can either get very ugly or part as friends.  Unfortunately the ugly part seems to be the end result of most marriages.  Just as I have tried to help couples stay in a marriage that I felt both people were willing to work on, I also help couples to get out of a marriage that is unhealthy.

Ending a marriage can be an emotional roller coaster especially with children involved, and once it gets to the court system and lawyers get brought into the situation it can be a nightmare.  The best solution is to work with an outside mediator and a counselor to help with the emotions of the divorce and to help decide how to handle the situation with the children.  Outside mediation is going to cost less emotionally and financially.  Using the court system to resolve a marriage is not a path I would recommend to anyone, the system is extremely flawed and the court mediators that are there to represent the best interest of the children, are overworked and not personally involved.  They will have very little incite into a situation about your family and make a recommendation that can hurt the children in the end.  Don't allow a third party to decide when you can see your children and how to run your life, work together with your ex-spouse to put your own plan together for the sake of raising your children together and your finances. 

For more information got to thehappyspouse

What are your comments on this very difficult decision?

Can sex in a marriage or a long term relationship be kinky?

When we hear about the word kinky and sex together it may make certain people grimace with fear, but the reality is that sex can be very erotic with a little kink added to it. 

For all of my followers who already know about my idea of sex and marriage this may not be so shocking to you, but for others who have just stumbled on to this one article, then give me a moment to explain. 

Kinky is not always a bad connotation it just means “out of the ordinary” and how can that be a bad thing when it comes to sex especially sex in a marriage or long term monogamous relationship. 

The term ordinary and sex after time defiantly make for some boring sex sessions with your spouse and we all know that with years of boring sex in marriage comes unhappiness and cheating.  So why not add some kink into the sex play and see how much fun the sex can be again in the marriage.  Kinky sex can be anything that is out of the ordinary, such as the introduction of a little bondage play, perhaps handcuff or ties. 

Spanking and whipping ones bottom can also be considered a little kinky, and if mastered in just the right way to give a small sting in the correct place on the butt, it can heighten the arousal and stimulate the genital area. One could also use a ball gauge in the mouth or a some sex toys that are not just vibrators but butt beads or anal plugs.  These things are actually considered mildly kinky to the real world of super kink, but that is not really what I am trying to get across here.

What I am saying is that couples should go outside of ordinary sex box in any long term monogamous relationship because it can be fun ,exciting and with a person that you love and trust.  Kinky adult movies are another form of erotic play.  Watching the move together as a couple can be exciting too.  The next time that you hear the word kinky sex take the time to understand that it just may be what the doctor ordered for an otherwise boring sex life...

For your kinky toys visit The Sexy Adult Store

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Unhappy marriage advice on what to do?

Many people are living in an unhappy marriage. 

They have no idea how to end the marriage or even if they should.  Often, children are involved along with family, financial responsibility and community ties.
All of these aspects make it very difficult to end a marriage. 

The person who does end the marriage will usually get blamed by the children and others for breaking up the marriage.  Thus, it is very difficult to get out from under an unhappy marriage not to mention the guilt associated with it and the feelings like you failed your family.

What is a person to do in a situation like this?

The best possible resolution is to give oneself a chance to make sure that it is the final decision, get all of the ducks in a row and then take the plunge.  The part where people get stuck is in making a hasty decision and not giving the marriage a chance or one last try, if that is done and the other person is just not going to meet you half way or the behavior that drove you to want to leave is still present then it is time to plan to leave.

When children are involved it is going to be very difficult because they will blame you and feel as though you are breaking up the family.  This adds pressure and pain to an already horrible situation. 
This is where a person needs to get the support of others around them, friends and family that can help with the adjustment and take some of the pressure off of the situation.

Before getting out of an unhappy marriage, make sure that it is the right decision, have a plan of action and make certain to have a good support system in place for you and the children, then put the plan in place and end the marriage.  Life is to short to live in an unhappy marriage.

Knowing when it's time to leave a bad marriage

One of the most difficult parts about being a sex and marriage counselor is helping couples to get out of a bad marriage. 

At times people get stuck in their own situation and from the inside they are not able to see the misery that they are causing each another or the children that may be involved.

Leaving a marriage is one of the most difficult decisions that a person makes because it involves other people, and in some ways is the death of a relationship or a way of life.  The loss of a marriage can cause deep emotional pain on both a husband, wife and the children involved.

The real question is,
do you stay in a marriage that is making you a miserable person and everyone else around you for the fear that you may never find someone else or that you have failed your spouse and children?  The fear that you have just become another static in a world were commitment is no longer appreciated or treasured.

This is indeed a very personal matter and one that I believe should be looked at from all areas and come to a decision based on the well being of the entire family.  My job as a counselor sometimes is just that, to help a couple get out of a bad marriage and find a place where they can rebuild their lives again separately.

The one fact remains true and that is...... if two people have tried to stay together and worked on their marriage and keep failing ......making it a misery rather than a loving home, then the conclusion of those actions need to be measured and decided upon.

Life is about living not dying or living as a zombie without love or passion in a marriage, staying together for the sake of the children or the principal of marriage itself.

 For marriage and sex counseling

Erotic novel book review "Secrets" volume 10 by Dawn Michael

Image via Wikipedia

Turn up the heat because this erotic novel is sizzling hot for women, couples and men. 
This is not a new novel but one that I sex counselor will recommend to my clients who may need a little help in spiceing up their sex life.  The book has four short stories in it and one of my favorites is the one call The Sacrifice by Kathryn Anne Doubois.  For any woman who needs to feel the desire again this is a wonderful book to heat up the passion in your own body.  The book can also be read to each other as a couple, including role play and teasing.

One expert form the book
"The Sacrifice"
The story is about Anastasia Bedovier a young lady who has taken vows of chastity to become a nun.  Before she denies her sensuality forever, she is taken to the Count Maxwells house of pleasure to test her strength of sexual desire.  She is shown scenes of lusty women with men and touched in places that no man has touched before, leaving her with thoughts and feeling that are of shame and pleasure mixed together.

To hear the chapter being read go to The Happy Spouse Adult Show blogtalkradio titled "mind sex"
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/thehappyspouse

To have your book read for review contact Dawn Michael dawn@thehappyspouse.com

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