This is what I say!
"Put your immediate reactions aside and be smarter than your husband about this. Just because your husband is watching porn does not mean that he does not love you, or think that you are not attractive, what it means is that he is either using it as stress release or he has some sexual fantasy that he is not able to share with you in the bedroom and is playing it out on his own. Most of the husbands that are watching porn are not addicted, in fact very few really are "addicted" it is just a very easy way to get off without the stress of performance, pleasing you, or as I stated living some fantasy that he cannot with you."
I then explain to them,
"The best solution to this situation is not to freak out and shut your husband off, but instead pull up a chair next to him and see what he is watching. Ask him about it, open the door for communication about what he likes about the porn. Many times this in itself will be such a huge relief to your husband, whom for the most part would rather live his fantasy out with you or at least be open with you rather then hide it. This may change the direction of the marriage with better lines of communication between the two of you.
What happens is the opposite affect with men, if a woman can go with the flow, he may let her into his sex life even more and feel that now he does not have to experience it alone or go out and cheat in the marriage.
There is one thing that I can guarantee most women, and that is by shaming your husband or demanding that he stop watching the porn it will only make him hide and sneak even more. Make it an opportunity to grow in your marriage rather then a time to shut your husband down, be smart about it, pull up that chair and see what he is watching and how he is masturbating himself, take notes and practice in the bedroom next time, there is nothing like the real thing, be his wife but also be his lover!
For intimacy counseling with Dawn Michael visit The Happy Spouse
2 comments:
I Have tried talking to him about it and always denies it and then I told him that I knew he was masturbating because I had the evidence and he said it was not my bussiness, that I should not comment and leave him alone. This is affecting me in many ways. His first option it's internet porn, and when he's tired of it then he comes to me but in a strange way like in a hurry. He starts by doing really fast oral sex on me ( wich I don't like at all because it is too fast) then he penetrates me on top "regular position" and comes like in two minutes tops. I used to most of the time try to start things going on but got tired and unappreciated. I even tried doing some moves like the videos he was watching the day before and he didn't even blink. I felt horrible and depressed and angry. Now I don't want to have sex with him cause to me I'm like his last resort. What can I do to make him change? Please help!
Hi and thank you for your comment. I think at this point you need to talk to a professional, will he go to counseling with you? It sounds like he has some sexual issues, that he is confused about. You should talk to him and ask if he will talk to a counselor with you. I have worked with other men in his situation, and usually there are reasons why they are acting the way they do, but it hard to give you advice about him without me speaking to him. As far as you are conderned, I can see where you would just not want to have sex anymore, but then that would make for an all around poor marriage.
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