Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Reasons why a person cheats in a marriage or relationship

Most people that cheat are not liars or habitual cheaters; there is usually a reason why a person will cheat in a marriage or relationship.  People just do not wake up in the morning and decide to go out and cheat or meet someone in a bar when they are in a happy marriage or relationship.  This leads us to the question, what are the reasons why a person cheats in a marriage or relationship.

Many times a person will cheat because of a need for more affection, attention, and sexual fulfillment in a marriage.  Other forms of cheating are a way for a person to be self-destructive and end a relationship or a bad marriage.  Unless a person is a habitual cheater or liar, cheating will not come easy to them and they will feel guilt, remorse and confusion over what they have done. 

As a sex counselor and marriage counselor, I often work with people that have cheated or are actively cheating in their relationship.  I will often say to my clients that not all relationships are worth going back to and the stress of a person leading a double life is not healthy for them, and is not fair to their spouse. 

What are the solutions or answers to this very touchy subject?   If  a person in a marriage  has made a mistake and cheated once, don’t tell your spouse about it just to clear your conscious,  there is no need to confess to a one time stupid mistake, but know that if it happens again, it was not a mistake to begin with.

The second group of cheating is actually having a lover or many lovers while in a marriage or long term committed relationship and this is where I say, end the marriage and move on, because the marriage at this point is already over and the chance of bringing home a disease to your spouse may happen and that is not acceptable.

The third suggestion that I will make to some individuals is that if they still love their spouse but are not attracted to them anymore, or not actively having sex with them, they still need to be honest and lay down the lines of communication, letting them know how they feel and telling them that an open marriage would be better or a divorce.  This gives the spouse a choice of staying under this circumstance or choosing to leave.

When a person is in a marriage or long term commitment, and is actively seeking sex outside the relationship, the sex is only part of the equation, but the lying is really the most hurtful,  chose to be honest with the your spouse and give them the opportunity to make a decision to stay or to go..
For marriage and sex counseling go to Dawn Michael M.A.
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