Results to Sex Survey for Married Men

The survey was designed to dispel some myths about men, marriage, sex and the use of pornography.  

As a clinical sexologist in private practice, I experience an overwhelming number of married couples seeking help concerning pornography use.   As part of the counseling session each person is given a sex history to fill out.  The results are reveling as to how pornography plays a role in a man’s sex life.  As a sex researcher as well as counselor I like to add extra data that I obtain from surveys.  

One survey I put out a few months ago and asked 16 questions to married men about their sex lives.  the survey was titled, "Sex Survey For Married Men".   100 plus men answered the questions,.  Here is the link to the survey to view for yourself.  https://www.surveymonkey.com/results/SM-3PZRFJGT/

Conclusion:

The average age of the men that took the survey was 34% between the ages 40-50 and 28% between the ages 51-60 and some varied ages in between.  Most men had been married for an average of 26 years plus tied with men married from 1-5 years.   More than half of the men had children with their spouses.  When I asked men if they had watched pornography before marriage 87% said yes.  When asked on average how often men masturbated 24% said a few times a month, 21% said every day, 18% said 3 times a week.  When asked if the men have had an affair 37% said yes and 12% said they were thinking about it. 

When asked this question, “If I could change one thing about my sex life it would be”

– Sex more often	22.00%
– More exciting sex	25.00%
– Sex with other people	21.00%
– No sex	0.00%
– My wife initiated more often	21.00%
– I would have no performance issues	11.00%

When asked this questions, “If your wife saw you watching porn what would you hope she did?

– Leave me alone	10.78%
– Sit and watch it with me	47.06%
– Have sex with me instead of watching porn	34.31%
– I would be embarrassed	7.84%

My conclusion of the survey along with information gathered by both men and women. I would summarize that most men had watched pornography before marriage which became a part of their sexual pattern.  They masturbated on average 3 times or more a week.  Men reported that they would rather watch porn with their wives or have sex with their wives instead of watching porn alone, but when asked if they had more sex with their wives would they stop watching porn?  46% said that they would still watch porn.  What I concluded was that if sex was not exciting or it became more difficult or unenjoyable to have sex with their wives then they would rather watch porn. When they had satisfying consistent sex with their wife’s they masturbated less meaning they watched less porn.  Most men would watch porn in-between having sex with their wives because they had a greater sex drive then their spouse or some even used it as a stress release.  Pornography was not the issue or problems, but simply something stimulating to masturbate too when not having sex.  Most men did not view it as a problem.  When a man masturbated to porn on average 3 times a week normally before marriage and when married had good sex with his wife on average 3 times a week men reported that they rarely watched porn.  If a man masturbated everyday but only had sex with his wife once a week he would still masturbate to porn everyday but the one day he had sex with his wife, which is consistent with his sexual pattern of masturbation.   The reality is that at some point throughout a long term marriage most couples will have mismatched sex drives and sex can get boring.  When this happens a man will turn to masturbation using pornography or have an affair to stabilize his sexual pattern.  Men reported that when they were accused of being porn addicts or their use of pornography became a problem in the marriage some ended up having an affair or became more turned off to their wives and hid their porn use.   Men also reported that if sex with their wife was more frequent and more exciting they would watch less pornography and certainly not have an affair.  Lastly were the percentage of men that had performance issues, erectly dysfunction, a fetish or not sexually attracted to their spouse they turned to pornography more often.

(As a side note masturbation by most of the men was accompanied by porn use, as a means of external stimulation, if porn was not available the men would still continue to masturbate.)

What is a normal amount of time too masturbate in a week?

How often have you wondered about this question concerning masturbation?

"Masturbation", mother natures gift to man/woman kind, self pleasure that keeps giving time and time again.  All of the natural hormones released in the body, relaxation and less stress after having the mighty orgasm, why would anyone not want to masturbate all the time?

How often is normal, there is no normal in human sexuality, there is a prescribed point of view, but in quantitative terms how could one determine what normal is?  The answer, is if it feels good and it is not disrupting your life in any way then that would be your normal.

The real answer is that masturbation for some people can become a problem when it keeps them from being productive in their lives or takes away sexual pleasure from a spouse or a partner.  Masturbating instead of having sex in your relationship can present a problem so the most logical answer would be to minimize the times one masturbates in a week or a day.

Many people masturbate everyday and this can be for both a woman or a man.  I often recommend in my intimacy counseling sessions that couples masturbate in front of each other, showing each other what makes them feel good so that their partner can learn.

Overall there is no normal masturbation, and if you think that you are having a problem then talk to a profession, if you are not then just enjoy your body and from time to time learn something new about it!

Watching too much pornography can lead to unhealthy sexual patterns?

There is such a things as “too much of a good thing!”   Allow me to define a healthy amount of pornography and masturbation as opposed to over indulgence. 

As a clinical sexologist, I have helped many people understand the difference between porn addiction, over desensitization, sexual pattern, and how to manage their sex lives.  There is a direct correlation with watching pornography, masturbation, and developing a sexual pattern. 

Now if you plan on being alone for the rest of your life, no human contact or ever dating and having sex with another person then watching porn by yourself endlessly can be your partner.  Most people though like having a “real sex partner”, lover, marriage, relationship over” just a life time of solo masturbation.”

Let me break this down into simple terms, watching too much porn and masturbating the same way each time, is going to create a sexual pattern, and this is going to make “real sex” with a “real person” more difficult.  The problem mainly occurs with men but a fair share of women get hooked on their vibrators and the same sexual pattern can happen there as well.  The brain gets used to the continued pattern by which a person orgasms.  Continued masturbation in the same way each time sets up the pattern, when involved with a partner that pattern is hard to break, especially if it is done consistently and over a long period of time,

Solutions to this ever growing problem?

Change it up, and do it often…….. Changing your sexual pattern is important; if you masturbate a certain way try a different hand or new way to stimulate yourself.  Use your imagination to masturbate too, give all the outside stimulation a break and think about what feels good on your own.  Connecting the mind and body is important for both a man and women to understand how to think outside the box sexually.  I am not saying that you can’t have some outside stimulation, like a video, magazine or sex toy, but make it a once and a while “a treat” rather than the experience.  Don’t let you sexual pattern ruin your sex life!