Reasons why you may not want to have sex in a relationship

Image via WikipediaSexuality is one of the most complex parts about being human.

The reasons why sexuality is a constant struggle for many adults is because they suppress their feelings to be acceptable or normal in the view of society.

This has been the case for centuries dating back to the cave man era where human sexuality was part of survival.  Religion along with societies influences did not come into play at that time.

As society developes, the human mind expands, we moved beyond survival into farming, industry, media….constraints were placed on human sexuality, mating, marriage, family. The idea of being with the same person year after year for extended periods of time is not natural to the human animal and for many people it is a fight. In marriage couples often times will have shame, deception, cheating, because they feel like they cannot sexually allow themselves to be who they want to be. Most married couples will have times throughout their marriage where sex can become an issue not getting enough or not getting fulfilling sex. The worst part of all of it is the lack of communication between the couple surrounding sex.

We have been conditioned not to talk about sex especially with our spouse, it is expected to just know what to do, but the truth of the matter is very few people do know what to do. They stay in marriages where the sex is non-existent or not what they expected…

 As a sex therapist I find that the couples who don’t take action and fix the sex in the marriage will cheat and deceive each other or it ends in divorce. Don’t wait until it is too late to make the marriage work, work at the marriage. For sex therapy and marriage counseling call Dawn (805) 732-7847or leave a comment below!

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When he does not want to have sex in the marriage

We often hear about the women not wanting to have sex in the marriage, but what happens when it is the man and he does not want to have sex with his wife. 

This is something that seems to be happening more and more in marriages today.  Woman and men are working equally ,raising the children together, and dividing the tasks in the household. 

When it comes to the sex in the marriage many men are experiencing erectile dysfunction, stress, and performance anxiety and not wanting to have sex with their wives but sometimes turning to other forms of sexual outlets.  The women on the other hand that are in the work place surrounded by men and not experiencing the sexual anxiety that men have but instead the sexual freedom that comes with financial independence, they are wanting to have more sex. 

The other thing that happens to  women that work with men is they are more apt to act like men in the work place to compete with men changing their attitudes to be more testosterone driven rather than feminine and this transfers over into the bedroom.

Out are the days of the masculine male and feminine female, it seems to be a shift to gender sameness, which affects men more in the bedroom than woman.  The one big problem is that for a woman who is going through this where she wants to be intimate with her husband and he doesn’t, it is socially embarrassing for a woman and much shame still surrounds it.  She will look upon herself as not being sexy or that something is wrong with her.

Men and women now a days are facing this out in the dating world as well, men are no longer the sole gender pursuing the woman for sex, but many women are looking for a man to have as a sex partner. Especially many women in their 40’s who are financially secure and are finding themselves with a high sex drive and not wanting to date older men but instead go for a younger man regardless of financial security.

The future of sex and a place where the lines of gender are becoming confused has just begun, more  women will be experiencing this in their marriage and relationships and more men will be experiencing, perform anxiety, and feeling as though the pursuing excitement and joy of a man being a man no longer exists.  The one big problem to this whole equation is that most women when having sex don’t want to be the one in control and very much like a man to still pursuer the sex in the marriage.

Understanding your sexual issues and what to do about them

So many people have some form of sexual problem at a point in their lives, but they don’t know who to talk to about them? 

This issue can be in a relationship, marriage or just personal sexual problems that keep an individual from living a healthy sex life. 

Whatever the issues are surrounding sexuality there is help and that can come in the form of seeing a sex counseloror sex coach.  Many times traditional types of therapy will not be the answer for sexual dysfunction.  A sex counselor or coach can be a person who is educated in therapy but also is taught about sexual health issues and human sexuality.

Human sexuality is extremely complex and the reason why, is that sex is a natural part of every human being, but in each person’s upbringing and in society that person is taught how to understand their sexuality, sex drive, and how it’s supposed to be looked upon as “normal” or right.  This is why a simple act of bringing pleasure to oneself can be made to feel shamed upon, looked down upon or told that they are somehow are unholy or not “normal”.

Sexual desire is squelched often times and people hide their true sexual self and this then creates numerous problems for them in relationships where intimacy is involved.  Having a healthy sexual view about oneself and healthy sexual expression to enjoy sex is a part of one’s simple pleasures in life.

As a sex counselor with my clients one of the first questions that a person asks is am I “normal” we talk about is their idea of shame and guilt surrounding their sexuality.  Then we go into some solutions and techniques involved in helping a person to get past their sexual issues and idea of what is normal or healthy for them sexually.  Sex coaching is a way to give information on sexuality and to solve sexual dysfunction in a relationship or a personal life.  One of the biggest mind shifts after seeing a sex counselor for many people is that their sexual issues were not being “normal” are put to rest and acceptance and understating can then take place.  Human sexuality in each person is unique and expressing it and that expression of it is personal to each and every person. 

Men looking for answers to sexless marriage

Image by pimpdisclosure via Flickr

Are you in a marriage that is unfulfilling and lacking in sexual intimacy with your wife?
Is it a struggle every time you want to make love to your spouse? When you have sex with your spouse are your needs not being met?
Has it been three months since you have had sex with your wife?

If you answered yes to any of these questions then you may be in a sexless marriage.

There are many people who say that they are experts in the field of sexless marriage or have lived their own personal sexless marriage, so now they want to offer their expertise. The problem is that they do not have the insight into a woman’s mind and how to wake up the passion in a woman. What if you could get the secrets into a woman’s mind and learn these techniques from a professional that is not only a married woman herself but one that is a marriage counselor with a specialty in sexology. You may ask yourself where you can find this person to talk to and help you with your sexless marriage. Look no further, Dawn Michael has created The Happy Spouse website just for you. Learn how to be the man in your home, bring the passion back to your marriage and get your wife to want and desire you again.

Visit The Happy Spouse to make an appointment with Dawn Michael today. The Happy Spouse offers free articles on sex and marriage along with all of the sexual aid products that can help you bring the passion back to the bedroom. The Happy Spouse offers a selection of couples intimate products, women's products and men’s products, plus a new selection of sex toys designed by Dr. Berman. Have the marriage that you desire and have always wanted.

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Can having an open marriage save couples from cheating?

What are the hard facts about an open marriage?

Some married couples have opted for an open marriage instead of getting a divorce. The fact about an open marriage is that for many people it goes against what true marriage is all about.

The vows that a married couple takes to be faithful to one another, honest and untill death do we part. What happens if a spouse is so miserable in the marriage and their partner does nothing about it but they do not want to break up the marriage or go behind their spouses back and cheat so they opt for an open marriage?


This is one of the latest trends happening in Hollywood today. Featured in an article in the Examiner.

 Open marriage in Los Angeles is it the latest trend in marriages
http://www.examiner.com/love-and-marriage-in-los-angeles/open-marriage-los-angeles-is-it-the-latest-trend-marriages


Los Angeles has always been a culture on its own, with Hollywood, Beverly Hills, Westwood. Many people that are single prefer to live in this exciting and unique town, but what happens if you are married and even are trying to raise a family in Los Angeles