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As a clinical sexologist and intimacy counselor , men ask for my advice on what to do about their fetishes. About 80% of the men a... -
What is cuckolding ? The present day version on the cuckold experience is a husband and a wife that want to have a third person come...
Showing posts with label wife marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label wife marriage. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
The Happy Spouse Blog: What to do about my wife’s interracial Fantasy?
The Happy Spouse Blog: What to do about my wife’s interracial Fantasy?: "This question was asked on my blogtalkradio show 'The Happy Spouse Adult Show' 'What to do about my wife's interracial Fantasy', (by aut..."
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Couples using Sensate Focus too help with sexual problems in their marriage
Image via Wikipedia
Masters and Johnson introduced Sensate focus or sensate focusing as a set of specific sexual exercises for couples aimed at increasing personal and interpersonal awareness of them and their partners needs. Each person is encouraged to focus on their own sexual awareness and sensation, rather than viewing getting to the orgasm as the sole goal, thus taking the pressure off of each individual in the sexual setting.
A sex counselor, sex therapist or sex coach will usually guide the timing and technique of the sensate focus helping the couple with the step by step process, then checking in from time to time for comments and experiences.
In the first stage, Maters and Johnson recommends wearing no clothe as long as no touching of the breast and genital or reaching orgasm is taken into play (and this is fine for many couples but in my version as a sex counselor and working with couples who have not touched each other affectionately in years, I recommend them to start first with clothe on and to simply hold hands again, kiss affectionately, rub each other’s back, and hug a few times in a day for a week to get used to the intimate affection again. Once they have done this then they can start with the first phase of the Sensate Focus.) In this first step or second step for some touch each other’s bodies but no genitals including breasts. The couples are encouraged to enjoy and become increasingly aware of the texture and qualities of their partner's skin and their own reaction to how it may feel. Intercourse is not allowed at this point along with any focus on genitals. This stage of the exercise is really about the person doing the touching realizing what they may be feeling and it is not about pleasing their partner but more about just discovery.
The second stage or third depending on the first option is to increase the touching options, while still gathering information about each other’s bodies, no intercourse and touching of the genitals at this time. This is the stage where the couple uses the technique of placing their hand over their partner's hand in order to show what they find pleasurable in terms of pressure, length of time and motion. The goal in this stage is to still learn about each other’s bodies and also to lean about your on body. As a sex counselor I also recommend that each partner use masturbation if necessary before hand to figure out what they like so that they are able to show their partner, this is a big part of the learning process as well and that knows your own pleasure points and what stimulates you. For a woman who has never had an orgasm, learning to masturbate before hand by herself and bringing herself to orgasm will then give her the information about her own body to teach her partner about what she likes.
The next stage is a gradual process of genital stimulation and if the couple wants to try new experiences such as oral sex, lubrication and play around the perineum and anus area this is a good time to do that. Orgasm is never the focus in this process or any of the above exercises. Sensate Focus is also used as a tool for male and female sexual anxiety and male erectile dysfunction, performance anxiety in men, the obsession to focus on the penis can result in forms of erectile dysfunction, rapid ejaculation and anxiety. The job as a sex counselor is to encourage the man to forget about his penis, and forget about his partner's genitals, and instead concentrate on the sensual possibilities available and the experience itself without the feel of his own genitals and his partner's skin, hair, mouth, body, etc.
Contact with the penis is 'forbidden' and the only sexual contact that is 'allowed' is sessions of interaction with the partner during which only the non-penis aspects of sex are explored: Touching, talking, and kissing hugging, and so on. This includes not only touch but taste, sound and hearing, as partners are encouraged to talk to each other, to express how they feel and to encourage each other. (This is if the man has erectile dysfunction or performance anxiety) The focus is to have an appreciation of a whole new set of sensual possibilities, leading to a reduced focus on the penis and its tendency to be the male's main concern. Men often report an improvement in their sex life generally with less anxiety. As the man reports increasing awareness and attention paid to this holistic approach, the problem usually will go away with the male sexual dysfunction.
This works well for women too, not having to please their partner as the focus but to just have the focus on the moment instead of intercourse. Many women that are pre-orgasmic or have had very few orgasms with their husband during love making will be able to show their husband tools of foreplay thus allowing her mind and body to get into the mood.
The final stage is to work towards intercourse when both partners are ready and for each couple this may take a varied amount of time. In fact there are really no time limit associates or presented with these techniques, as that would place pressure on the aspect of the Sensate Focus which is counterproductive to the whole process. Some couples maneuver through this in three weeks where others it may take three months, the goal is to have a better sex life as a result of this exercise and that lasts a life time, so always keep that in mind.
A sex counselor, sex therapist or sex coach will usually guide the timing and technique of the sensate focus helping the couple with the step by step process, then checking in from time to time for comments and experiences.
In the first stage, Maters and Johnson recommends wearing no clothe as long as no touching of the breast and genital or reaching orgasm is taken into play (and this is fine for many couples but in my version as a sex counselor and working with couples who have not touched each other affectionately in years, I recommend them to start first with clothe on and to simply hold hands again, kiss affectionately, rub each other’s back, and hug a few times in a day for a week to get used to the intimate affection again. Once they have done this then they can start with the first phase of the Sensate Focus.) In this first step or second step for some touch each other’s bodies but no genitals including breasts. The couples are encouraged to enjoy and become increasingly aware of the texture and qualities of their partner's skin and their own reaction to how it may feel. Intercourse is not allowed at this point along with any focus on genitals. This stage of the exercise is really about the person doing the touching realizing what they may be feeling and it is not about pleasing their partner but more about just discovery.
The second stage or third depending on the first option is to increase the touching options, while still gathering information about each other’s bodies, no intercourse and touching of the genitals at this time. This is the stage where the couple uses the technique of placing their hand over their partner's hand in order to show what they find pleasurable in terms of pressure, length of time and motion. The goal in this stage is to still learn about each other’s bodies and also to lean about your on body. As a sex counselor I also recommend that each partner use masturbation if necessary before hand to figure out what they like so that they are able to show their partner, this is a big part of the learning process as well and that knows your own pleasure points and what stimulates you. For a woman who has never had an orgasm, learning to masturbate before hand by herself and bringing herself to orgasm will then give her the information about her own body to teach her partner about what she likes.
The next stage is a gradual process of genital stimulation and if the couple wants to try new experiences such as oral sex, lubrication and play around the perineum and anus area this is a good time to do that. Orgasm is never the focus in this process or any of the above exercises. Sensate Focus is also used as a tool for male and female sexual anxiety and male erectile dysfunction, performance anxiety in men, the obsession to focus on the penis can result in forms of erectile dysfunction, rapid ejaculation and anxiety. The job as a sex counselor is to encourage the man to forget about his penis, and forget about his partner's genitals, and instead concentrate on the sensual possibilities available and the experience itself without the feel of his own genitals and his partner's skin, hair, mouth, body, etc.
Contact with the penis is 'forbidden' and the only sexual contact that is 'allowed' is sessions of interaction with the partner during which only the non-penis aspects of sex are explored: Touching, talking, and kissing hugging, and so on. This includes not only touch but taste, sound and hearing, as partners are encouraged to talk to each other, to express how they feel and to encourage each other. (This is if the man has erectile dysfunction or performance anxiety) The focus is to have an appreciation of a whole new set of sensual possibilities, leading to a reduced focus on the penis and its tendency to be the male's main concern. Men often report an improvement in their sex life generally with less anxiety. As the man reports increasing awareness and attention paid to this holistic approach, the problem usually will go away with the male sexual dysfunction.
This works well for women too, not having to please their partner as the focus but to just have the focus on the moment instead of intercourse. Many women that are pre-orgasmic or have had very few orgasms with their husband during love making will be able to show their husband tools of foreplay thus allowing her mind and body to get into the mood.
The final stage is to work towards intercourse when both partners are ready and for each couple this may take a varied amount of time. In fact there are really no time limit associates or presented with these techniques, as that would place pressure on the aspect of the Sensate Focus which is counterproductive to the whole process. Some couples maneuver through this in three weeks where others it may take three months, the goal is to have a better sex life as a result of this exercise and that lasts a life time, so always keep that in mind.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
How a woman can get her sexual desire back
Image via Wikipedia
Bringing Back Your Sex Drive
For women who have lost their sex drive, this article is for you. When a woman no longer feels sexy about herself she may have a hard time being passionate with her spouse or partner. Sex may become a chore rather than a pleasure or an exciting release. Many times after a woman has had children, been in a committed relationship for a time or is approaching her late forties or fifty’s she may notice that the once fun passionate spited girl she used to be is somehow gone. The good news is that a woman can get her sexual Mojo back.
Whether you are short, fat, big, tall, small breasts, big breasts, athletic, curvy, slim, fabulous, the point is, it does not matter what you are on the outside, it matters how you feel on the inside. Sexy comes from the inside and then radiates througout your whole body sending off energy and pheromones that you may not even have realized you are capable of producing.
The very best way a woman can get back her sexual Mojo back is to get her butt moving again!
These are a few ways to exercise your body and feel sexy at the same time. When we move our bodies we not only get the cardiovascular benefit but we are also engaging our mind and body so that they work together again.
These are 6 wonderful exercises to move your butt and feel sexy at the same time.
1. Put the music on at home and start dancing, lock the bedroom door and dance your heart out. Make sure the music is sexy, raunchy and makes you want to shake your bum.
2. Grab a girl friend and go out to a club and go dancing, put on the shoes, the dress, the hair, the makeup and let loose.
3. Take up salsa dancing with your spouse or on your own, the Latin dance is sure to get the blood flowing in all the right places.
4. Go to a zumba dance class at your local gym, and shake it up.
5. Yoga is another way to get in touch with your body; it stretches women in all of the right places and makes the body more flexible and firm.
6. Pole dancing class. Get in tip top shape and feel sexy at the same time.
Get your mind to start thinking sexy thoughts that bring the sexual desire back into your body
1. Fantasize about something that turns you on.
2. Read a trashy romance novel that makes you hot.
3. Put on some sexy lingerie and heels and walk around your room, lay in your bed with satin sheets and touch yourself.
Masterbation is third on the list
In a study by Athena Science It says
"A woman who has regular sex with her partner or even is sexual with herself will release more sexual pheromones to the opposite sex, “Cutler's other studies show women who have sex with men at least once a week have regular menstrual cycles and fewer fertility and menopause problems, apparently because of exposure to pheromones.”
4. Touch your body regularly.
5. Get your self turned on, by using sex toys or even with your own hand, there is nothing that will put you in the mood more than to wake up body parts that have been asleep for years?
6. If you don’t use it you will lose it, this is very true for a woman, a woman must use it! Use it often on your own or with your spouse, partner, or lover.
Women I can guarantee you one thing and that is if you play with yourself often you will begin to want it more, it will create a chain reaction in your body and release hormones that need to be woken up.
7. Flirt, yes you can flirt innocently, but allow yourself to be a little flirty, womanly. One of the best ways to do this is to give a man a compliment. Try out your flirty ways on your husband, and see how it pays to give your man a compliment.
The best advice is always to be kind to yourself, love yourself and take care of yourself. Life is too short to not have experienced a great sex life, or never experience what it’s like to have passion in your life. Take charge of your inner woman and bring passion back to your body.
For women who have lost their sex drive, this article is for you. When a woman no longer feels sexy about herself she may have a hard time being passionate with her spouse or partner. Sex may become a chore rather than a pleasure or an exciting release. Many times after a woman has had children, been in a committed relationship for a time or is approaching her late forties or fifty’s she may notice that the once fun passionate spited girl she used to be is somehow gone. The good news is that a woman can get her sexual Mojo back.
Whether you are short, fat, big, tall, small breasts, big breasts, athletic, curvy, slim, fabulous, the point is, it does not matter what you are on the outside, it matters how you feel on the inside. Sexy comes from the inside and then radiates througout your whole body sending off energy and pheromones that you may not even have realized you are capable of producing.
The very best way a woman can get back her sexual Mojo back is to get her butt moving again!
These are a few ways to exercise your body and feel sexy at the same time. When we move our bodies we not only get the cardiovascular benefit but we are also engaging our mind and body so that they work together again.
These are 6 wonderful exercises to move your butt and feel sexy at the same time.
1. Put the music on at home and start dancing, lock the bedroom door and dance your heart out. Make sure the music is sexy, raunchy and makes you want to shake your bum.
2. Grab a girl friend and go out to a club and go dancing, put on the shoes, the dress, the hair, the makeup and let loose.
3. Take up salsa dancing with your spouse or on your own, the Latin dance is sure to get the blood flowing in all the right places.
4. Go to a zumba dance class at your local gym, and shake it up.
5. Yoga is another way to get in touch with your body; it stretches women in all of the right places and makes the body more flexible and firm.
6. Pole dancing class. Get in tip top shape and feel sexy at the same time.
Get your mind to start thinking sexy thoughts that bring the sexual desire back into your body
1. Fantasize about something that turns you on.
2. Read a trashy romance novel that makes you hot.
3. Put on some sexy lingerie and heels and walk around your room, lay in your bed with satin sheets and touch yourself.
Masterbation is third on the list
In a study by Athena Science It says
"A woman who has regular sex with her partner or even is sexual with herself will release more sexual pheromones to the opposite sex, “Cutler's other studies show women who have sex with men at least once a week have regular menstrual cycles and fewer fertility and menopause problems, apparently because of exposure to pheromones.”
4. Touch your body regularly.
5. Get your self turned on, by using sex toys or even with your own hand, there is nothing that will put you in the mood more than to wake up body parts that have been asleep for years?
6. If you don’t use it you will lose it, this is very true for a woman, a woman must use it! Use it often on your own or with your spouse, partner, or lover.
Women I can guarantee you one thing and that is if you play with yourself often you will begin to want it more, it will create a chain reaction in your body and release hormones that need to be woken up.
7. Flirt, yes you can flirt innocently, but allow yourself to be a little flirty, womanly. One of the best ways to do this is to give a man a compliment. Try out your flirty ways on your husband, and see how it pays to give your man a compliment.
The best advice is always to be kind to yourself, love yourself and take care of yourself. Life is too short to not have experienced a great sex life, or never experience what it’s like to have passion in your life. Take charge of your inner woman and bring passion back to your body.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Do you think that erotic novels are the same as pornography?
Image via Wikipedia
How many people think that erotic novels are the same as pornography?
Many times erotic novels are put down or considered smut, but what if those erotic novels could actually help boost the romance in a marriage. Couples who turn toward pornography as a way to boost the sexual desire in the marriage or add some passion to the love making may be let down. The real person who is usually let down by renting a pornographic movie is the woman. Now, if the porno is well written with a story line and made with a woman in mind than that is a diffident story, but if one is scrolling through the television for a quick thrill, then that is going to be very hard to find a porno made for a woman. This is where having a few erotic novels in the toy box with be the perfect addition to some more romantic and passionate sex, especially when it comes to a woman. In one of my many articles I one called MIND SEX and how powerful this can be when a husband can engage his wife’s mind and get her to be in the mood mentally. Reading erotic novels together is one sure way to do this and it leaves all of the guess work out for the husbands. A few great books are recommended below along with a special pick by author Jeannie Ainslie who I interview on blogtalkraido about the difference between erotica and pornography.
This is also a great article to read about it as well
http://www.examiner.com/love-and-marriage-in-los-angeles/using-erotic-novels-to-create-desire-and-passion-your-marriage
To tune into to hear the interview log on to blogtalkraido
Many times erotic novels are put down or considered smut, but what if those erotic novels could actually help boost the romance in a marriage. Couples who turn toward pornography as a way to boost the sexual desire in the marriage or add some passion to the love making may be let down. The real person who is usually let down by renting a pornographic movie is the woman. Now, if the porno is well written with a story line and made with a woman in mind than that is a diffident story, but if one is scrolling through the television for a quick thrill, then that is going to be very hard to find a porno made for a woman. This is where having a few erotic novels in the toy box with be the perfect addition to some more romantic and passionate sex, especially when it comes to a woman. In one of my many articles I one called MIND SEX and how powerful this can be when a husband can engage his wife’s mind and get her to be in the mood mentally. Reading erotic novels together is one sure way to do this and it leaves all of the guess work out for the husbands. A few great books are recommended below along with a special pick by author Jeannie Ainslie who I interview on blogtalkraido about the difference between erotica and pornography.
This is also a great article to read about it as well
http://www.examiner.com/love-and-marriage-in-los-angeles/using-erotic-novels-to-create-desire-and-passion-your-marriage
To tune into to hear the interview log on to blogtalkraido
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